Anonymous wrote:My parents were legal immigrants here and we had absolutely nothing. I picked the college I wanted, the city I wanted, and when I got in, I went to that college. I worked, I borrowed money under my name, and got grants and scholarships and whatever I could scrape. I had a ton of loans but I’m paying them off.

Your daughter isn’t unhappy that DH isn’t paying for her, deep down she’s unhappy because by your actions and words you are forcing her to pick going to a college she doesn’t want to go. Young people don’t get the impact of loans, but they’re young, let them choose their path and you gave your advice. You should simply say pick the school you want, I’ll contribute what I can, ans the rest will be loans you’ll have to pay. Support her on her decision. Stop focusing on the step family and telling her to go to UMD. She wants a fun college a great name college a place she’s be proud and happy at. Give your advice about loans ans then let her go forth with that decision.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Some of these responses trashing OP sound privileged AF.

OP has no obligation to pay for her daughter's college, let alone an expensive one. I understand it looks unfair because the step siblings are going where they want to, but that's life. If OP had come on here saying she asked her husband to pay for her daughter's college, he refused and now she's resentful, there would be SO many responses saying OP's husband isn't the dad and has no responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Get real.

OP, I grew up poor with five other siblings and parents didn't have anything saved for college. I applaud you for having $30k saved. I was working 25+ hours in high-school from the time I was 16, then full-time while in college. I went to a commuter school, had some loans, and had to pay them off. Such is life. Can't always get what you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

+1 I'm on the low end of HHI for DCUM and my kids will be doing community college for 2 years (oldest is already doing it) and then transferring to a university. We're pretty thrifty and our kids have been working since they were 15. So, I'm all about living within your means, avoiding unnecessary debt and making prudent choices. I get that's what OP wants for her DD but it's also quite clear her DD is the only one not benefitting from the remarriage of both her parents. I don't blame her DD for being bitter and angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I missed it, but what would happen if OP released primary (or sole) custody over to her ExH? Would her new husband's income still count against DD's financial aid?

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

So that’s it $30K and you wash your hands. No food, no shelter?

Yea you are a b*tch.

Of course she is welcome to live here during the summer or school breaks. When did I say she wasn’t?? I’m not “washing my hands” I’m trying to get her to see that 30k is a good deal if the way towards paying for UMD.

You don’t think it’s entitled that she expects more?

Anonymous wrote:What kind of marriage is that that you keep your finances separate and your parenting separate ?

This doesn’t sound like a family.

Anonymous wrote:OP - maybe just piling on but your marriage has cost your daughter need-based financial aid. She wants to apply to schools that are need blind and meet full financial need, so your daughter could have attended with no or minimal debt if she got in and they were looking solely at your income. Your increase in income from your marriage screwed her and may cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She is not making this up, it is the fact. Own how your choices have directly impacted your daughter and not in a good way.

You should be incredibly proud of how hard your daughter has worked if she is in a position to be competitive for these schools.

Your college savings would be amazing if you had your former income. You undermined the value of what you did by your marriage. Do you feel like this is fair to your child?

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I missed it, but what would happen if OP released primary (or sole) custody over to her ExH? Would her new husband's income still count against DD's financial aid?[/quote

I think it's probably too late for that unless Dad has been claiming her on taxes. If all of their paperwork shows that mom is custodial parent that will be hard to come. And the FAFSA now uses prior prior taxes. Personally, I would try it if I was out of good options but it's not a sure thing.