Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An abortion would have prevented most of the heartbreak outlined here.

Agree.

You forget what the AP wants. They might want the child and they might want to break someone else's heart and get lots of attention. An abortion breaks the heart of the AP

Anonymous wrote:An abortion would have prevented most of the heartbreak outlined here.

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

On their behalf, thank you both! She really is the most amazing woman I know. Incredible sense of duty, empathy, and playing the long game.

The woman was an angel and a little naive too.

I think I have a similar sense of of duty and empathy.

But there is no way I would live with the babysitter and husband in the same house. What if the husband started sleeping with the babysitter under their own roof and her children saw it? She is lucky it did not happen, but that is a likely scenario. Is that even a wise way to "play the long game"?

I would find a room for the sitter somewhere and keep her child, if possible.

And there is no way I am having sex with a man who slept with our babysitter. I can be nice in public and at home, but letting that man inside me will not happen.

In the story as told, her long game was to keep the house and preserve stability for her kids, plus buy time for getting an education and financial independence. It wasn't to restore the marriage. To pull this scenario off without constant heartbreak, a woman would need to pretty much stop caring about her husband. And a husband like that probably doesn't deserve a caring wife.

What about the risk that the dick sleeps with the babysitter in their house? What if a child walked in on them? Very risky move.

agree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

On their behalf, thank you both! She really is the most amazing woman I know. Incredible sense of duty, empathy, and playing the long game.

The woman was an angel and a little naive too.

I think I have a similar sense of of duty and empathy.

But there is no way I would live with the babysitter and husband in the same house. What if the husband started sleeping with the babysitter under their own roof and her children saw it? She is lucky it did not happen, but that is a likely scenario. Is that even a wise way to "play the long game"?

I would find a room for the sitter somewhere and keep her child, if possible.

And there is no way I am having sex with a man who slept with our babysitter. I can be nice in public and at home, but letting that man inside me will not happen.

In the story as told, her long game was to keep the house and preserve stability for her kids, plus buy time for getting an education and financial independence. It wasn't to restore the marriage. To pull this scenario off without constant heartbreak, a woman would need to pretty much stop caring about her husband. And a husband like that probably doesn't deserve a caring wife.

What about the risk that the dick sleeps with the babysitter in their house? What if a child walked in on them? Very risky move.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

On their behalf, thank you both! She really is the most amazing woman I know. Incredible sense of duty, empathy, and playing the long game.

The woman was an angel and a little naive too.

I think I have a similar sense of of duty and empathy.

But there is no way I would live with the babysitter and husband in the same house. What if the husband started sleeping with the babysitter under their own roof and her children saw it? She is lucky it did not happen, but that is a likely scenario. Is that even a wise way to "play the long game"?

I would find a room for the sitter somewhere and keep her child, if possible.

And there is no way I am having sex with a man who slept with our babysitter. I can be nice in public and at home, but letting that man inside me will not happen.

In the story as told, her long game was to keep the house and preserve stability for her kids, plus buy time for getting an education and financial independence. It wasn't to restore the marriage. To pull this scenario off without constant heartbreak, a woman would need to pretty much stop caring about her husband. And a husband like that probably doesn't deserve a caring wife.

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

On their behalf, thank you both! She really is the most amazing woman I know. Incredible sense of duty, empathy, and playing the long game.

The woman was an angel and a little naive too.

I think I have a similar sense of of duty and empathy.

But there is no way I would live with the babysitter and husband in the same house. What if the husband started sleeping with the babysitter under their own roof and her children saw it? She is lucky it did not happen, but that is a likely scenario. Is that even a wise way to "play the long game"?

I would find a room for the sitter somewhere and keep her child, if possible.

And there is no way I am having sex with a man who slept with our babysitter. I can be nice in public and at home, but letting that man inside me will not happen.

An abortion would have prevented most of the heartbreak outlined here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

Don't fantasize that you will get the same amount of consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

On their behalf, thank you both! She really is the most amazing woman I know. Incredible sense of duty, empathy, and playing the long game.

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

x a million (guy here).

^^^One other thought ... if my friend's mom had kicked the dad out, he wouldn't have done anything for her OR the babysitter. He likely would have skipped town and deserted both of them.

Friend's mom felt no anger toward the babysitter, but saw her as a victim. She is also one of strongest moral characters I've ever known, and I think she felt like her husband had a responsibility to the girl. Having her move in was partly a way of forcing her husband to man up and take care of all three of the babies he had fathered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:58 wins my award for most amazing wronged wife story. Hats off to that woman & so awed by her ability to do the right AND expedient, smart thing. Holy sh*t.

You can only do that sort of thing if you have no feeling left for your husband (and no one is saying you should, after this) and view him primarily as a convenience and an ATM. Otherwise no woman would put a mistress so close to her husband. I am curious how the home life went after the babysitter moved in, and how the husband treated both women in the home. Did he sleep with both or with neither? Did the mother continue to sleep with him fearing for her financial wellbeing?

What a wretched, excruciating situation, and how stupid and selfish are the men who put women and children into this mess.

I'm the original poster of this story. Although I wouldn't have put it so coldly as "view(ing) him primarily as a convenience and an ATM", I do agree that most of her feelings for her marriage were probably gone, at least for a while. Keep in mind that this was the early 1970s and single, uneducated mothers didn't have as many options as they do today.

Friend's mom is pretty open about the situation now. She basically felt that she'd ended up in a shitty situation, and her obligations were (in order):
1. To her own children
2. To the 16yo child who had been victimized by her own husband
3. To herself, finding a way to make peace with the situation and lay a path for a better future
Far down on the list was any obligation to her husband or desire to save a perfect marriage.

I don't know who had sex with who while the babysitter lived with them. I assume there wasn't a lot of sex going on at all. Friend's mom says now that she was really bitter towards her husband for a while, but just figured out how to live with it. By the time the immediate crisis was over and the babysitter moved out, she had just reached a state of acceptance and didn't see any reason to blow things up at that point.

I can say that after the babysitter moved out, there was still over a decade where the parents were still married, and presented themselves to the world as a normal happy family. Parents appeared as affectionate with each other as any other long-married couples I knew. It was only after the divorce, and my friend was in her 20s, that the mom began divulging everything, and my friend learned that this "family friend" she'd known her whole life was actually a half-sister.

The recommendations by marriage counselors to sever relationships with the AP and the child are given to a couple that comes to counseling to save THEIR marriage. The couple is the client, not the AP or the child of the affair. So, when asked what is the best way to save the marriage, the answer should not take into consideration the "needs" of the child of the affair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That kind of self-centeredness is purely evil when you are talking about your children's sibling. Put your kids first, sure. Insist that their sibling be abandoned so that you can enjoy better finances? That's morally reprehensible. It makes her worse than the cheater.

Nope. Her moral obligation to her husband's bastard spawn is exactly the same as her moral obligation to any other child in the world that's not hers: ZERO.

She is not morally obliged to feed, clothe, house, or care for any other child but her own. If she chooses to do so, that's admirable, but she is not "self-centered and evil" if she does not.

Totally agree. This is ridiculous babble by people who are either too dumb or themselves too insensitive to understand.

Yes. That's crazy talk by people who don't understand the reality of this situation. As if someone can automatically take priority over you because they are under eighteen. No, other people's children don't take priority over me, and they sure as hell don't take priority over my own.