Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you even know she sees it as an emotional affair? Are you sure the infatuation was mutual?

She certainly flirts with him and feeds his ego. When dh mentioned he was sweaty and needed to take a shower, she said she would lick his body up and down. She then asked what he would do if she came over to our house right then, in the middle of the night.

OK, so here is the deal. She stepped way out of line and I don't know what his motivation is for telling you, but now that he has, it's all fair game to act on. You are not bound by any agreement not to repeat his words. Contact her by phone and say, I hear you want to lick my husband's body up and down? Do you also want to die? Is that part of your fantasy? Because that's how you die.

I would and I have. Especially if you don't think your partner is using the right language, or making things clear for whatever reason. Who cares if that makes you, "the crazy one." Would you rather be the passive one who gets stepped on and takes it? Some people need to be confronted. How you do it and what you say is another matter.

My husband caught me and my old boyfriend arriving back one morning I was not expecting him home from his Rehab. He had been there with various medical problems the last three years relearning to walk and use his hands after a MRSA abscess caused his spinal cord to be crushed and partially severed. Before the MRSA we had problems of him getting violent to have his way in the community and at work. In taking the things he wanted with his high seniority under a UAW contract, The last incident before MRSA set into his spine was me and his father canceling his orient Express trip reservations and taking his passport to le a man with 32 years less than my husband have the trip and I converted to a single berth to let them have a honey moon. MY husband actually threw me across an office dislocating my shoulder then leaped across the office and tried strangling his father to death over a lousy vacation he wanted. We were working with his union to arrange the first vacation since 1976 to start on January the second 2010 in seven more months to St Croix His full five weeks due as well as 25 days of personal time. Were his in 2010 He just had to let this one go. HE let depression kill his immune system and he developed MRSA before we could get the vacation. Before my next vacation to Isreal an old boyfriend contacted me over face book and I started seeing him when he was in town instead of being called a life thief he actually loved me.

I had turned my husbands love to despising me by 1987. 5 years after our wedding trying to keep him in line with the needs of other people when I refused to keep a promise that kept him working in place of a newly wed couple. while we went to Rome. When we returned he refused our midwinter vacation suggestion and demanded I keep my promise no!. His demand was going to cause 100s of people to have to cancel their plans that summer just so he could have some time off. Start a sex life Generally make every ones life lousy because of what he felt was due him just because his name was higher on a hire list. BY 2000 because hew had not had his way about sex or time out of the plant His father had to have him arrested over the Milliniall holiday, jailed and escorted to work the holiday from the 23 of December to his birthday the 5th of January. We were flying in on that morning with hope that this time we would arrive and be able to stop his defiance of the last 15 years. Swee4p the resentments and anger out with the old century and bring the new one in peace love and understanding. For all needs with the Idea that he could replace his holiday that year with 25 days personal time and take his 4 weeks vacation latter that spring or summer. We even bought a clock for 1300 that had scenes rotating of what had happened in Bavaria over the millinial.
He would have at least seen what was celebrated even though he did not participate. He could have had the same amount of time off everyone else did just not at the time he wanted. It was not fair to him but it was a way to solve so much in problems. WE were totally shut out with our return and hopes for a peace with him over the next 8 years every interference drew I'm hurting someone Over the last Tri year vacation in 2009. To keep him working and let a man with 32 years less seniority have a honey moon He threw me across an office dislocating my shoulder then tried to strangle his father to death because we were not going to let him go to Europe We had cancelled his vacation on the orient express Intending to force him into taking his five weeks in January 2010 This was the final time he could be forced to give up his way, over time off out of the plant, just seven more months and we would have given him over 2 months straight off.

I cry at the arguments and the force as well as the misuse of legal means to deprive my husband of the life he wanted. but still can't imagine that if he was not held in place what chaos would have happened. He got himself so down and depressed in October 2009. he became ill with a MRSA abscess in his central spine. If he had not become ill in two more months he would have had his lousy time off without causing any one a problem. Three years latter he came home from rehab. I was seeing an old friend for the last time when he trapped us in the drive10 minutes latter my friends scull was fractured and my husband beat him very badly for sweeping his cane and calling him a pathetic looser. Two weeks later all everyone wanted and needed was a way to stop him from just doing as he willed. We were going to take him to a banquet hall for a nice dinner the next weekend after release from the stress center, instead he came home three days before expected. He demanded all rights he had been denied over the last 31 years including his right to sex as he thought. He did not try and work any thing out about that ripping my dress off and having his way. the last 4 years has seen him stomp any body that says no hes not going to do as he wills into the floor. I cry at the ways we tried to offer an olive branch over the years and he just slapped us all in the face wanting his way.
He would never try and work diplomatically to have the life he wanted, and now so many hurt. including one bad evening I 2013 when he w3oulfd not even try to talk through 31 years. He just raped me to get the promise kept.

His parents died this last year eight months apart. People have been asking me if theres any way to keep my husband from tearing the heart out of the community with changes I the way things were done localy. I have not got a clue without getting hurt myself.

Anonymous wrote:OP find a payphone (h! if you can) and call her boss if she has one and leave a voice mail detailing everything. It will stop it in it's tracks.

Really? What can the boss do? BTW, the OW has a security clearance. Does this type of aberrant behavior risk that?

Anonymous wrote:I would love to confront the "other woman" from my DH's emotional affair. I am not going to because I don't want to go to her level. This is ultimately between my DH and me anyway. What the hell was he doing when he did this - that is what we need to explore - what caused it and what we need to change.

She is one of those women who just needs to think a bunch of guys are into her, expecially ex-boyfriends.....even after 30+ years. No I'm not kidding. They dated over 30 years ago for
3-4 years when they were very young and she dumped him then. The recent emotional affair got started because she found him on facebook and started calling , texting, emailing, chatting with him everyday. And sending cards, music, flowers, books, etc. He was not in a good place mentally and we weren't in a good place in our relationship.

Anyway - ultimately - what would I say? It is hard not to clue her husband in also....I've though about that.

Exactly! The bitch didn't put a gun to his head and your DH is not a mentally handicapped individual incapable of saying processing his actions and saying no.

You are being too guarded. Tell us how you really feel about her.

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you ever talk to your supposed affair partner about the status of your relationship, i.e., that you saw it as a kind of affair?

OP. I think you misunderstood the original post. My spouse is the one who had/is having the emotional affair and thinks I am reacting irrationally, when he chats with his bitch, even though now he claims it is not sexual.

I would love to confront the "other woman" from my DH's emotional affair. I am not going to because I don't want to go to her level. This is ultimately between my DH and me anyway. What the hell was he doing when he did this - that is what we need to explore - what caused it and what we need to change.

She is one of those women who just needs to think a bunch of guys are into her, expecially ex-boyfriends.....even after 30+ years. No I'm not kidding. They dated over 30 years ago for
3-4 years when they were very young and she dumped him then. The recent emotional affair got started because she found him on facebook and started calling , texting, emailing, chatting with him everyday. And sending cards, music, flowers, books, etc. He was not in a good place mentally and we weren't in a good place in our relationship.

Anyway - ultimately - what would I say? It is hard not to clue her husband in also....I've though about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell her you suggested that.

Lol. I have to seriously laugh my a$s off every time a poster says that. Yes, it's that simple! Just tell DW... I'm totally sure she would LOVE your honesty.

I wouldn't be thrilled if my husband suggested this but at least it would be a discussion point. We didn't really talk about what were missing in terms of needs until our marriage imploded. Sex in a long term relationship especially marriage with kids can be tough, we just sat by and blamed the other instead of taking initiative to improve our relationship, sex life, intimacy levels etc.

We are working on it now but it's not easy. Involves a whole lot of dropping defenses, leaving comfort zones, and opening yourself up.

The "men are only as faithful as their options thread" is MUCH more interesting than this thread. That is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell her you suggested that.

Lol. I have to seriously laugh my a$s off every time a poster says that. Yes, it's that simple! Just tell DW... I'm totally sure she would LOVE your honesty.

Some women would be up to having an open marriage in lieu of divorcing. An open marriage would be better than sneaking around his wife's back. Maybe it would start a discussion of what is really wrong in their marriage. If she doesn't want sex but they still want to be married, an open marriage seems to be the only option. Doesn't work for everyone, but who knows, maybe his wife would be up for it at this point.

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell her you suggested that.

Lol. I have to seriously laugh my a$s off every time a poster says that. Yes, it's that simple! Just tell DW... I'm totally sure she would LOVE your honesty.

I'll tell her you suggested that.

Anonymous wrote:I do appreciate you trying to save my soul; I don't want you to think I'm not appreciative. I'm still convinced that a real FWB situation would do me, and probably my marriage, good. The "friend" who drove me crazy for months did so because she manifested these extreme feelings, which excited the same in me, and then pulled back before anything could happen, only to repeat the cycle, followed by where we are now, which is her being all ostentatiously "no contact" even when we are in contact.

Had the thing with said friend been realized, it would have been more than an FWB situation, and thus less manageable, and more of a risk. I'm fine with it not having happened for that reason, but she made me unnecessarily miserable for a long time, and now leaves me feeling pissed at her when we could be friends.

Then if the FWB is the direction you want to go, you should first have a discussion with your wife about having an open marriage. Be honest with her.