Anonymous
Post 02/22/2016 09:40     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Yes, and I earn more than him. I wouldn't say resent though, more in that I am disappointed I can't stay home.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 21:53     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


You can go f$@& yourself. Not everyone has a choice to be home and certainly not everyone wants it. Staying home is not a measure of love.


I chose not to stay home. I was going to telework a few days a week when my son hit the age where daycare didn't require 5 days and I opted not to because of how much he was getting out of it and enjoyed it and put aside my feelings for him.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 21:43     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
If I'm being honest, yes. Or at least enough for me to work part-time. In our situation, DH loves to work and be busy all the time and I don't. So it's not that I'm the woman so I automatically would stay home. But I think staying home or working part-time would make all of our lives easier and better. I have a career that is meaningful to me, but the fact that I'm not making the choice to work wears on me. It may not be popular to admit, but it's true for me.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 21:34     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
No. I support myself. I don't look to anyone else to do that.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 20:45     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Hi. I think that the people splitting hairs and being bitter have issues. Your decision makes 100% sense. Good for you.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 11:17     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.


I don't think you read or understood PP's post if you are equating marrying the love of your life and having children with them, making a mutual decision to have the woman you love provide the day in and day out care of the babies you brought into the world as "someone else" raising your kids. The idea is that you marry someone who you love more than anyone else on earth, share morals and values with them and believe they are the most amazing person you have ever met. You know, love and marriage. I know some of us are marriage veterans and a bit jaded and cynical, but this is the idea.
Not really akin to leaving a 3 month old in a center daycare.



This is what PP said: "There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids."

PP's partner is not doing that. PP and PP's partner are two different people. PP is raising PP's/PP's partner's kids. PP's partner is not.

Now, PP could have said, "Kids should be cared for by their mother, while the father provides the income for the family." Or even, "Kids should be cared for by one of their parents, while the other parent provides the income for the family". But PP didn't say that.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 09:55     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.


I don't think you read or understood PP's post if you are equating marrying the love of your life and having children with them, making a mutual decision to have the woman you love provide the day in and day out care of the babies you brought into the world as "someone else" raising your kids. The idea is that you marry someone who you love more than anyone else on earth, share morals and values with them and believe they are the most amazing person you have ever met. You know, love and marriage. I know some of us are marriage veterans and a bit jaded and cynical, but this is the idea.
Not really akin to leaving a 3 month old in a center daycare.



OK, well I hope you guys have a ton of life and disability insurance, because if something happens to the love of your life and he can't work anymore, you are going to be in for a pretty rude awakening...


Half of marriages end in divorce. Half. Good luck! May the odds be ever in your favor.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 09:42     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.


I don't think you read or understood PP's post if you are equating marrying the love of your life and having children with them, making a mutual decision to have the woman you love provide the day in and day out care of the babies you brought into the world as "someone else" raising your kids. The idea is that you marry someone who you love more than anyone else on earth, share morals and values with them and believe they are the most amazing person you have ever met. You know, love and marriage. I know some of us are marriage veterans and a bit jaded and cynical, but this is the idea.
Not really akin to leaving a 3 month old in a center daycare.



OK, well I hope you guys have a ton of life and disability insurance, because if something happens to the love of your life and he can't work anymore, you are going to be in for a pretty rude awakening...
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 09:31     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.


I don't think you read or understood PP's post if you are equating marrying the love of your life and having children with them, making a mutual decision to have the woman you love provide the day in and day out care of the babies you brought into the world as "someone else" raising your kids. The idea is that you marry someone who you love more than anyone else on earth, share morals and values with them and believe they are the most amazing person you have ever met. You know, love and marriage. I know some of us are marriage veterans and a bit jaded and cynical, but this is the idea.
Not really akin to leaving a 3 month old in a center daycare.

Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 09:24     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


You can go f$@& yourself. Not everyone has a choice to be home and certainly not everyone wants it. Staying home is not a measure of love.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2016 09:12     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.


This x1000. Looks like only the independent wealthy get to qualify as "raising their own kids."

Or when they go to school, it's suddenly okay for "strangers" (teachers) to have your child all day? When does the magic switch flip? Or do my partner and I need to homeschool until 18 so that we are "raising our child?"
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2016 21:30     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.


Why did your partner have kids, then? Your partner is not raising their own kids. Somebody else is raising your partner's kids. (And with their morals, not your partner's morals.) If one of the things a person needs to do in life is raise their own kids -- well, your partner's not doing it.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2016 21:24     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Nope. What I do resent however is being a permanent cook. DH equates home made meals with love. Thanks MIL! :/
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2016 20:57     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.

There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2016 20:54     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
No, I work because I want to. I love my son but he learns more in daycare than he would being hugged by me all day. My parents didn't spend a couple hundred thousand on my education over the years for me to not use it.