Anonymous wrote:This also leads to a bigger question that I actually was debating with my DH earlier today. I don't think a DH leaves his family and wife who wants the marriage to remain intact unless he has something or someone waiting in the wings. This is where the fidelity issue comes in or the fact that something was going on that the family wasn't aware of which could help with leverage in any settlement.

Anonymous wrote:I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands and wives cheat, anyone who cheats sucks. Men typically are more likely to cheat. Most people claim their ex (or future ex) is a narcissist, avoid the crutch of the cliche.

Most states have pretty clear rules on how spousal support and child support work, as some people have said to the OP you can look up these calculators.

Talk to at least 3 lawyers. There are lawyers who will be more proactive in trying to find an agreement, others who will be more aggressive to get it done fast, etc. There are a couple of lawyers who are well established for having the "magic calculator" on what terms will be. If you can talk to one of them you'll get a great estimate for $300.

#1 rule is to be absolutely and totally honest with your lawyer. Whatever you hide will bite you in the ass, as it should. Put in YOUR work in the divorce process to give all the needed information, financial asset documents, etc.

Almost all good lawyers know all the tricks, which makes the process go faster.

It's very hard to prove a spouse is cheating. You basically need a p0rn video, texts or emails explicitly confirming the sex, etc.

If you have kids try and have the divorce result in you and your ex being in a place where you can co-parent the best possible.

This isn't actually true. It's just a stereotype.

It is actually true: 20% marital infidelity rate for men vs 13% for women eg men are 53% more likely to cheat on spouses

https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

Does that data include emotional affairs?