Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... what are you doing all day?

NP and SAHM of older kids straddling high school and college.
Honestly - less and less as the kids get older. And so what?! I've spent 25 years working as a SAHP more than full-time - 24/7. And even now, I am still available to get things done during the day rather than taking up evenings and weekends with them - which is becoming more and more precious as the days they each move out for good get closer and closer.

I'm able to respond easily and more quickly without having to disrupt work for myself or other people if there is an emergency. I'm able to pick them up early and get them to their medical appointments, shop for something they need but don't have a lot of time to go looking for themselves, etc. One kid is in college but commuting to a nearby university so still living at home. I'm able to help them navigate several different things that they're figuring out for the first time, when they need the help and not later when we can coordinate schedules. I can meet the various repairmen and service people without one of us having to take time off from work. I'm available if a friend's kid gets stuck somewhere and needs help before their parent can get out of work and to them. I can help at the school without using vacation leave.

Again, I've been on-duty literally 24/7 for almost 25 years. I deserve part-time hours or retirement just as much as anyone else who has worked 8-5 5 days a week for 25 or 30 years. Do people snarkily ask retirees what they do all day? Are people in their retirement judged for "being home all day" with little to do?

I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental about SAHPs. What's it to you? Must simply be jealousy. I'm not going to let your petty resentment shame me.

🙄

And plenty of us who work and will continue to work for decades are ALSO on call. We should all stand by our choices but please stop playing the martyr. It’s tiresome.

Also, recommend you learn to edit. But I guess you have plenty of free time so you can ramble.

I guess another benefit of SAHPing is having a more tolerant attitude and the time to be more thoughtful. I don't think the PP was rambling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

So you cook, clean, do laundry and grocery shop. Most working people do this too. Like, I don’t get why you think this is such an accomplishment?

DP. I don't understand why this is such a debate or a competition about who's better or does more. Nobody is saying all the things a SAHP does can't get done by parents working outside the home. Someone asked what the SAHM does all day and she (and others) answered the question. Why? Because working parents don't seem to believe that SAHPs are busy at all and just sit around half the day.

Goody for you for doing it all. And good for the SAHPs who do all that they do. What many SAHPs here aren't including is all their volunteer activities around their kids' schools and activities, which can be as much as part-time to full-time-work-equivalent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... what are you doing all day?

NP and SAHM of older kids straddling high school and college.
Honestly - less and less as the kids get older. And so what?! I've spent 25 years working as a SAHP more than full-time - 24/7. And even now, I am still available to get things done during the day rather than taking up evenings and weekends with them - which is becoming more and more precious as the days they each move out for good get closer and closer.

I'm able to respond easily and more quickly without having to disrupt work for myself or other people if there is an emergency. I'm able to pick them up early and get them to their medical appointments, shop for something they need but don't have a lot of time to go looking for themselves, etc. One kid is in college but commuting to a nearby university so still living at home. I'm able to help them navigate several different things that they're figuring out for the first time, when they need the help and not later when we can coordinate schedules. I can meet the various repairmen and service people without one of us having to take time off from work. I'm available if a friend's kid gets stuck somewhere and needs help before their parent can get out of work and to them. I can help at the school without using vacation leave.

Again, I've been on-duty literally 24/7 for almost 25 years. I deserve part-time hours or retirement just as much as anyone else who has worked 8-5 5 days a week for 25 or 30 years. Do people snarkily ask retirees what they do all day? Are people in their retirement judged for "being home all day" with little to do?

I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental about SAHPs. What's it to you? Must simply be jealousy. I'm not going to let your petty resentment shame me.

🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another single mom and while I don’t have time to make my own crackers, I do work a second job and an occasional third job. Why? It’s the same reason most people work second jobs. Job #1 doesn’t pay all of the bills. Do I have the energy for it? Hell no! I’m 49 years old and spend my days in a overstimulating school that expects me to be everything to everybody. I’m not on drugs to do all of this. I do a lot of dropping off and picking up of my kids in between the two jobs. The house gets cleaned on weekends by all of us. My son will go to the grocery store today (he just got his license) and my DD and I will clean and cook. People do this all of the time because they don’t have a choice.

Some of these people probably think it’s child abuse to have DD clean or DS grab milk and eggs 😂 when it’s your entire identity they really grab on tight

Maybe listening to experts might bring them around.

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/want-to-raise-more-successful-and-happier-kids-harvard-research-says-give-them-more-chores.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a stay at home mom, I definitely have downtime every day. But I choose to fill it with things that enrich my family‘s life, like making wholesome nutritious meals from scratch, including making my own bread. I don’t take shortcuts and go through drive-thrus when we are short on time. I make a point to always have healthy food in the house so I can pack nutritious food for car rides, snacks, lunches, etc…this takes an extraordinary amount of time. There is rarely a day that I don’t go to the grocery store. It’s actually very time-consuming to eat healthy and feed your entire family nutritiously all the time. But this is my choice and I think it’s a better use of my time than working outside of the home. Much of my motivation is preventing disease for our family, rather than dealing with disease later. My kids will never appreciate this as much as I would like them to because they don’t know any different.

Single mom from a few pages ago. I feel I am screaming into the void at this point but you don’t have to quit your job to feel your family a healthy diet. I feel my kid homemade meals every meal. I make bread. I ALSO HAVE A JOB.

No one cares what you think because you failed spectacularly at your first and most important responsibility. The fact that you insist on inserting yourself into a conversation that isn’t about you (obviously single moms aren’t generally going to be SAHMs), and claiming that people are saying things that haven’t been said in order to fit your narrative (newsflash: someone saying they spend their days cleaning their house, doing laundry, and grocery shopping doesn’t mean they think they wouldn’t do those things in the evening hours if they worked), tells me everything I need to know about why you couldn’t manage to make an adult relationship work.

Wow. Real see you next Tuesday vibes with this post. Why so defensive? Sounds like pp hit a nerve…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

Is this serious though? You go to the grocery store every day for an hour? You prep sports equipment every day for an hour? Every day for an hour you set up appointments and respond to family emails??

I don’t see why it’s so terrible for a stay at home parent to admit they have some down time in their day. Of course you do. Great for you. Enjoy it! If you are truly busy all day every day doing what you claim above, it’s just baffling how slow and inefficient you are. Who needs to spend 4-5 hours per week grocery shopping??

Yes exactly! Either you’re wildly incompetent and slow, or you get the same $h!t done as the rest of us while working. It’s wild to me to pretend like you’re busier than anyone else while unemployed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... what do you do all day when they are in school? They are teens - go back to work.

This is very insulting. Let me enlighten you:
My kids (one elementary and one middle school) have different school start and end times so it ends up they are both gone 6 hours on school days. Here is what I “do all day” as you so condescendingly put it:
Hour 1: clean up kitchen, do dishes, start first of many loads of laundry, tidy house (I clean my own house so every day I do a deep clean in one room/bathroom)
Hour 2: walk dog, switch out laundry, continue any unfinished cleaning
Hour 3: grocery store (one of 4 places I shop)
Hoot 4: put groceries away, start prepping dinner, switch out laundry
Hour 5: make appointments for family, respond to all kid-related emails (sports, bday invites, doc appointments)
Hour 6: prep sports bags/clothes/car snacks/ water bottles for kids afternoon activities

Then I go pick up my kids and my SECOND SHIFT of parenting begins. This lasts about 6-7 hours, driving them to activities, walking dog again at those locations, then at home making dinner, feeding everyone, cleaning up kitchen, helping with homework, overseeing bedtime routine, doing the social-emotional bonding they both want every night, until actual bedtime.

So this is how I look at it, and it’s how my husband describes my life: I basically have 2 part time jobs, totaling 14 hours of total work. The first is running the household and the second is the hands-on parenting.

Hope this helps everyone reading this thread to understand that SAHPs deserve respect. This is one of the hardest jobs in the world. What other job can you think of that comes with no training, very little resources or support, no sick days, no days off, no pay, and very little appreciation?

So you cook, clean, do laundry and grocery shop. Most working people do this too. Like, I don’t get why you think this is such an accomplishment?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

I am one of the single moms who posted above. I work full time, more than 40 hours a week. My house is clean. My laundry is done. My kid is in several activities. I am really passionate about eating a wholesome diet and I like gardening, so I grow some of our food, and make most of our food from scratch including bread for school lunches, waffles for breakfasts, crackers, and all of our dinners. I'm going to be honest, I do not think I could possibly do more than I already do even if I stayed home, I would just have A LOT more time to prioritize my own hobbies and interests and I could do things more slowly. It's absolutely a trade off. For example, I still manage to get in 4 workouts a week, but instead of having a leisurely time going to a class at a boutique studio, I either block my lunch on a wfh day and get it done, or wake up early and do it.

How old are you? How many hours do you sleep? What drugs are you on? How old is your child, and do you have full custody? Whatever you are doing for 40 hours a week must be pretty low key because no way a normal job leaves someone with enough energy to be doing all that.
Also you come off like a smug b1tch craving external validation for how hard you work and how you have it all together in spite of being a single mom.

Who on earth wants get up to drop off their kid, work a full day, pick up the kid, go home and then spend the evening on a very full second shift with no partner to share the workload?
Making your own crackers, WTF.

You likely don’t have time for friends, which checks out because your smug, unrelateable attitude probably keeps most people away.

Wow what a nasty response! You really make sahms look petty af with this sort of vitriol.

This person is super duper triggered that a lowly single mom can run her household and cook from scratch and hold a job. The lies these sahms tell themselves so they can justify not working are really wild.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... what are you doing all day?

NP and SAHM of older kids straddling high school and college.
Honestly - less and less as the kids get older. And so what?! I've spent 25 years working as a SAHP more than full-time - 24/7. And even now, I am still available to get things done during the day rather than taking up evenings and weekends with them - which is becoming more and more precious as the days they each move out for good get closer and closer.

I'm able to respond easily and more quickly without having to disrupt work for myself or other people if there is an emergency. I'm able to pick them up early and get them to their medical appointments, shop for something they need but don't have a lot of time to go looking for themselves, etc. One kid is in college but commuting to a nearby university so still living at home. I'm able to help them navigate several different things that they're figuring out for the first time, when they need the help and not later when we can coordinate schedules. I can meet the various repairmen and service people without one of us having to take time off from work. I'm available if a friend's kid gets stuck somewhere and needs help before their parent can get out of work and to them. I can help at the school without using vacation leave.

Again, I've been on-duty literally 24/7 for almost 25 years. I deserve part-time hours or retirement just as much as anyone else who has worked 8-5 5 days a week for 25 or 30 years. Do people snarkily ask retirees what they do all day? Are people in their retirement judged for "being home all day" with little to do?

I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental about SAHPs. What's it to you? Must simply be jealousy. I'm not going to let your petty resentment shame me.

🙄

And plenty of us who work and will continue to work for decades are ALSO on call. We should all stand by our choices but please stop playing the martyr. It’s tiresome.

Also, recommend you learn to edit. But I guess you have plenty of free time so you can ramble.

Anonymous wrote:I’m another single mom and while I don’t have time to make my own crackers, I do work a second job and an occasional third job. Why? It’s the same reason most people work second jobs. Job #1 doesn’t pay all of the bills. Do I have the energy for it? Hell no! I’m 49 years old and spend my days in a overstimulating school that expects me to be everything to everybody. I’m not on drugs to do all of this. I do a lot of dropping off and picking up of my kids in between the two jobs. The house gets cleaned on weekends by all of us. My son will go to the grocery store today (he just got his license) and my DD and I will clean and cook. People do this all of the time because they don’t have a choice.

Some of these people probably think it’s child abuse to have DD clean or DS grab milk and eggs 😂 when it’s your entire identity they really grab on tight

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

I am one of the single moms who posted above. I work full time, more than 40 hours a week. My house is clean. My laundry is done. My kid is in several activities. I am really passionate about eating a wholesome diet and I like gardening, so I grow some of our food, and make most of our food from scratch including bread for school lunches, waffles for breakfasts, crackers, and all of our dinners. I'm going to be honest, I do not think I could possibly do more than I already do even if I stayed home, I would just have A LOT more time to prioritize my own hobbies and interests and I could do things more slowly. It's absolutely a trade off. For example, I still manage to get in 4 workouts a week, but instead of having a leisurely time going to a class at a boutique studio, I either block my lunch on a wfh day and get it done, or wake up early and do it.

How old are you? How many hours do you sleep? What drugs are you on? How old is your child, and do you have full custody? Whatever you are doing for 40 hours a week must be pretty low key because no way a normal job leaves someone with enough energy to be doing all that.
Also you come off like a smug b1tch craving external validation for how hard you work and how you have it all together in spite of being a single mom.

Who on earth wants get up to drop off their kid, work a full day, pick up the kid, go home and then spend the evening on a very full second shift with no partner to share the workload?
Making your own crackers, WTF.

You likely don’t have time for friends, which checks out because your smug, unrelateable attitude probably keeps most people away.

Wow what a nasty response! You really make sahms look petty af with this sort of vitriol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Why should we hire a cleaner and pay to have all those things done for us instead of one parent stay home to do it?
It's really not for you to judge. I'm not OP, but I'm in OP's position.

1. Do you have any clue how difficult it is to get a decent job after being a SAHP for several years?
2. Maybe as the kids are in and graduating from college a parent doesn't "need" to be home all day every day; but depending on your age, your spouse may be retiring or preparing to retire. Maybe that's not when you want to bind yourself to work commitments year-round, limited vacation days, etc.
3. It's not necessarily a matter of "needing" to be home all day rather than in an office or somewhere else "working." I struggle with "what's my purpose today" often; but it's still a very nice thing to be able to tend to the bulk of household stuff during the day and having the availability and flexibility to do other things with your spouse or kids or friends on evenings and weekends without being exhausted or in a rush all the time. Taking care of those things lightens the burden and lowers the stress on my spouse and gives them more time to deserved relaxation and pursuing interests. It's not like SAHPs aren't still doing stuff for their home into the evenings and on weekends (ie, preparing and serving dinner, cleaning up from dinner....)
4. Yeah, those kids think you do nothing all day; but they sure are put-out if you're not available to immediately tend to something they want or need done.

And this, friends, is one of the reasons I work.

I hear the SAHMs here talking about high school kids getting out early and needing rides in the afternoon. I lived that dream. But I worked and Dad worked and we had to figure it out. Every Sunday evening we would go over schedules for the next week and figure things out. Sometimes figuring things out meant my kid had to stay after school in the library for an hour after her club was done until someone could get her. A year or two later, she would complain about her brother when she was driving and he needed her to hang out in school for an extra 10 mins so he could change out his school backpack for his soccer backpack. That was one where she lost. But there were times when he stayed after school and wanted her to come pick him up. Sometimes she could and sometimes she couldn’t and we taught them how to negotiate between themselves. I especially enjoyed the time when my son said he didn’t want to wait after school for his sister who was doing an activity and also it was “an L” to take the bus. So she should skip her activity or I/Dad should come get him. We all stared at him and he told us that Mrs X comes and picks up little X every day because he doesn’t want to ride the bus. We said “great, but nobody in this family is willing to give up 40 mins of their day because you don’t want to ride the bus”. My kids are plenty entitled. But they had to learn to give and take with me working. And some of these lessons have stuck. My daughter is off in college and my son is driving now. He gives little X and another teammate a ride home every day after practice. One day little X was at our house and complaining that the other kid, who isn’t really a friend of theirs, is always expecting a ride. My kid said “Bro, his parents can’t get him for another 40 mins and they don’t have a third car he can drive. Of course I am going to help him out.” I was so pleased. He can be self centered and it’s nice to see the little signs that he might emerge as a decent person.

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids was like this, but I wanted to say now that DC is in college, over winter break he said I am so glad that you stayed home with us. It was so nice to hear!

This makes my day! I feel so happy for you to hear your child say this to you! You did well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another single mom and while I don’t have time to make my own crackers, I do work a second job and an occasional third job. Why? It’s the same reason most people work second jobs. Job #1 doesn’t pay all of the bills. Do I have the energy for it? Hell no! I’m 49 years old and spend my days in a overstimulating school that expects me to be everything to everybody. I’m not on drugs to do all of this. I do a lot of dropping off and picking up of my kids in between the two jobs. The house gets cleaned on weekends by all of us. My son will go to the grocery store today (he just got his license) and my DD and I will clean and cook. People do this all of the time because they don’t have a choice.

Some of these people are so privileged they don’t understand how a household could possibly run without someone having the luxury of staying at home. It’s ridiculous

On the contrary, we understand how exhausting and challenging it is - and are grateful for the ability and opportunity to not have to do both.

Anonymous wrote:I mean ... what are you doing all day?

NP and SAHM of older kids straddling high school and college.
Honestly - less and less as the kids get older. And so what?! I've spent 25 years working as a SAHP more than full-time - 24/7. And even now, I am still available to get things done during the day rather than taking up evenings and weekends with them - which is becoming more and more precious as the days they each move out for good get closer and closer.

I'm able to respond easily and more quickly without having to disrupt work for myself or other people if there is an emergency. I'm able to pick them up early and get them to their medical appointments, shop for something they need but don't have a lot of time to go looking for themselves, etc. One kid is in college but commuting to a nearby university so still living at home. I'm able to help them navigate several different things that they're figuring out for the first time, when they need the help and not later when we can coordinate schedules. I can meet the various repairmen and service people without one of us having to take time off from work. I'm available if a friend's kid gets stuck somewhere and needs help before their parent can get out of work and to them. I can help at the school without using vacation leave.

Again, I've been on-duty literally 24/7 for almost 25 years. I deserve part-time hours or retirement just as much as anyone else who has worked 8-5 5 days a week for 25 or 30 years. Do people snarkily ask retirees what they do all day? Are people in their retirement judged for "being home all day" with little to do?

I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental about SAHPs. What's it to you? Must simply be jealousy. I'm not going to let your petty resentment shame me.