Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Well OP you can hope that your daughter gets raped by some Vance loving incel and she’s forced to give birth. You can hope that birth control fails for your DS and his fiancé and they are forced to have kids. Yes this will be horrible and traumatic for them but you’ll get what you want.

Or--hear me out--she could hope her kids wake up to the reality that the most important and best thing people will ever do with their lives is raise their children in a loving marriage.

Where is the puke emoji

Sorry you haven't enjoyed the blessings described in that post. It's truly a miracle and everyone should experience it. A life of service to others surpasses a life of self-interest, and there is no better service than that for your family.

So since over 50% of marriages end in divorce - aka not a "happy marriage" - they shouldn't have had children, according to you?

Anonymous wrote:Are their decisions final? You could gently ask them why they don't want kids--all of my childfree friends are happy to explain if asked politely. If they cite financial reasons, you could offer to help out. If they cite career or time constraints, you could offer free babysitting or even being a free full-time nanny. If you live too far away, you could offer to move closer to provide the free babysitting. If it's space in their homes they're worried about, you could offer to help them find and afford a larger place. You can promise to take care of they kids while they go on 1-2 childfree vacations a year. Obviously, don't do any of this without your children's approval.

Dp Sorry but I would refuse to answer if you gently asked my personal business. Ulrimately it is up to them, not you. Even with all the help they have to want it.

I know it seems excessive, but my parents/in-laws offered most of the above to us. We did not take them up on everything, of course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Well OP you can hope that your daughter gets raped by some Vance loving incel and she’s forced to give birth. You can hope that birth control fails for your DS and his fiancé and they are forced to have kids. Yes this will be horrible and traumatic for them but you’ll get what you want.

Or--hear me out--she could hope her kids wake up to the reality that the most important and best thing people will ever do with their lives is raise their children in a loving marriage.

Where is the puke emoji

Sorry you haven't enjoyed the blessings described in that post. It's truly a miracle and everyone should experience it. A life of service to others surpasses a life of self-interest, and there is no better service than that for your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Well OP you can hope that your daughter gets raped by some Vance loving incel and she’s forced to give birth. You can hope that birth control fails for your DS and his fiancé and they are forced to have kids. Yes this will be horrible and traumatic for them but you’ll get what you want.

Or--hear me out--she could hope her kids wake up to the reality that the most important and best thing people will ever do with their lives is raise their children in a loving marriage.

Where is the puke emoji

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Well OP you can hope that your daughter gets raped by some Vance loving incel and she’s forced to give birth. You can hope that birth control fails for your DS and his fiancé and they are forced to have kids. Yes this will be horrible and traumatic for them but you’ll get what you want.

Or--hear me out--she could hope her kids wake up to the reality that the most important and best thing people will ever do with their lives is raise their children in a loving marriage.

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Well OP you can hope that your daughter gets raped by some Vance loving incel and she’s forced to give birth. You can hope that birth control fails for your DS and his fiancé and they are forced to have kids. Yes this will be horrible and traumatic for them but you’ll get what you want.

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are their decisions final? You could gently ask them why they don't want kids--all of my childfree friends are happy to explain if asked politely. If they cite financial reasons, you could offer to help out. If they cite career or time constraints, you could offer free babysitting or even being a free full-time nanny. If you live too far away, you could offer to move closer to provide the free babysitting. If it's space in their homes they're worried about, you could offer to help them find and afford a larger place. You can promise to take care of they kids while they go on 1-2 childfree vacations a year. Obviously, don't do any of this without your children's approval.

I know it seems excessive, but my parents/in-laws offered most of the above to us. We did not take them up on everything, of course.

People who don't want kids really don't want kids. Stop trying to get them to change their minds!

People who have kids tend to adore them and cannot understand others not wanting to experience the joy, even if it comes with challenges. I also think most parents correctly believe that non-parents would have a different feeling if they just had that first kid.

Having said all that, just leave the non-parents alone. People should want kids before having them.

I have kids and can absolutely understand that others don’t want them and would never think they should be convinced otherwise.

Some PPs on this thread are crazy like JD Vance, thinking people without kids are somehow less than.

Agreed. It's a personal choice to not have kids and just as valid as wanting to have kids. It's also a worldwide phenomenon, and I think it's sending a message that we should at least be open to listening to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of when I got no help from my parents after my first was born and my DH and I struggled so much. Then when DC started preschool and we went from paying $30k a year to $22k for childcare, my mom acted all shocked and disappointed that we had decided not to have more. Having kids in this country is too hard, expensive, and dangerous. The younger generations have realized this and are opting out. I don't blame them.

What kind of help did you expect from your parents?

I would love it if somebody got on a plane whenever there is a hospitalization. Over the years we've had vasoepididyomotomy, 3 babies (2 Csecs), 1 laparoscopic Csec isthmocele revision, an emergency gallbladder due to pancreatitis and toddler w/ bronchiolitid has resulted in ZERO parental help.

Did you move away from them? Or did you stay to be near them but then they moved away?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are their decisions final? You could gently ask them why they don't want kids--all of my childfree friends are happy to explain if asked politely. If they cite financial reasons, you could offer to help out. If they cite career or time constraints, you could offer free babysitting or even being a free full-time nanny. If you live too far away, you could offer to move closer to provide the free babysitting. If it's space in their homes they're worried about, you could offer to help them find and afford a larger place. You can promise to take care of they kids while they go on 1-2 childfree vacations a year. Obviously, don't do any of this without your children's approval.

I know it seems excessive, but my parents/in-laws offered most of the above to us. We did not take them up on everything, of course.

People who don't want kids really don't want kids. Stop trying to get them to change their minds!

People who have kids tend to adore them and cannot understand others not wanting to experience the joy, even if it comes with challenges. I also think most parents correctly believe that non-parents would have a different feeling if they just had that first kid.

Having said all that, just leave the non-parents alone. People should want kids before having them.

I have kids and can absolutely understand that others don’t want them and would never think they should be convinced otherwise.

Some PPs on this thread are crazy like JD Vance, thinking people without kids are somehow less than.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of when I got no help from my parents after my first was born and my DH and I struggled so much. Then when DC started preschool and we went from paying $30k a year to $22k for childcare, my mom acted all shocked and disappointed that we had decided not to have more. Having kids in this country is too hard, expensive, and dangerous. The younger generations have realized this and are opting out. I don't blame them.

Well I am amazed I am still alive after I told my cousin who had a similar complaint that maybe if your husband got a better job you could stay home with kids and that would solve your day care issue.

You're still alive because that's too idiotic to even argue about. One parent leaving the workforce and doing long-term damage to their career and retirement savings isn't a solution.