Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s review:
-husband said she has to go or he’ll divorce her
-husband shows little concern for caring for asthmatic child
-husband shows little concern for daily comfort of wife and children
-husband shows little interest in doing what wife wants to do on trip

OP, now that you see who your husband really is, what will you be doing when you get back home? The next time there’s a trip?

Also, does anyone remember the book/movie Not Without My Daughter? OP’s situation reminds me of that husband (minus the actual hostage/kidnapping situation ).

Question about men in Bangladesh generally:

- do they tend to be more misogynistic and less feminist than men raised in the West?

Isn’t Bangladesh like, 90% Muslim?

Wait - are you implying men raised in predominantly Muslim countries are not feminists?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is American born and raised SouthAsian?

Op here. No, if that was the case I would have probably been prepared. I am a white American from Connecticut. Before the first trip I think I watched a few videos and from the videos, I thought people would be riding on the tops of trains and I would see a lot of monkeys and elephants. I didn't see any monkeys. I saw one elephant and I didn't see any trains during the first visit. I went in blind. I wasn't even aware of mosquitos being a problem, no washer or dryers, or sleeping in a mosquito net. There are a lot of other things as well but I won't go into that. The people are so sweet though and they do seem happier than Americans. They enjoy life more it seems and have more friends and down time. If they aren't having downtime it seems a friend will always be around working with them. A lot of people own their own shops, car business etc, etc.

You cannot be this dumb. Seriously.

To be honest I’m Indian American and I know nothing about Bangladesh either

I would assume it’s just like India but when I sit and think about it I’ve never really heard of bangladeshi railways/trains either

Edit:

So I just looked it up and while Indian railways has been a thing for almost 200 years and has total track length of 80k miles

Bangladesh only has 2200 miles of track

That’s crazy. Rail is so central to my idea of south Asian identity even as a 2nd American — we grew up hearing about and visiting and riding on the railways that were terrible slow but extensive

Bangladesh really doesn’t even have that - crazy

Here's a fun thing you can google next - the size of India vs the size of Bangladesh.

Even adjusted for size, Bangladesh and Pakistan have way less rail cover and usage

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is American born and raised SouthAsian?

Op here. No, if that was the case I would have probably been prepared. I am a white American from Connecticut. Before the first trip I think I watched a few videos and from the videos, I thought people would be riding on the tops of trains and I would see a lot of monkeys and elephants. I didn't see any monkeys. I saw one elephant and I didn't see any trains during the first visit. I went in blind. I wasn't even aware of mosquitos being a problem, no washer or dryers, or sleeping in a mosquito net. There are a lot of other things as well but I won't go into that. The people are so sweet though and they do seem happier than Americans. They enjoy life more it seems and have more friends and down time. If they aren't having downtime it seems a friend will always be around working with them. A lot of people own their own shops, car business etc, etc.

You cannot be this dumb. Seriously.

To be honest I’m Indian American and I know nothing about Bangladesh either

I would assume it’s just like India but when I sit and think about it I’ve never really heard of bangladeshi railways/trains either

Edit:

So I just looked it up and while Indian railways has been a thing for almost 200 years and has total track length of 80k miles

Bangladesh only has 2200 miles of track

That’s crazy. Rail is so central to my idea of south Asian identity even as a 2nd American — we grew up hearing about and visiting and riding on the railways that were terrible slow but extensive

Bangladesh really doesn’t even have that - crazy

Here's a fun thing you can google next - the size of India vs the size of Bangladesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is in a city of 2 million people. Hardly a village.

Ok, not many hotels but here's one for $27/night with... a hot shower:
https://www.booking.com/hotel/bd/raffles-inn.html#tab-main

You don't even have to sleep there. Just take it for a few nights and go to shower if you like.

Worried about walking on the streets? Take an Uber: https://www.uber.com/en-BD/newsroom/uber-expands-services-to-20-cities-across-all-8-divisions-in-bangladesh/

Though the streets look pretty normal to me for that region:
https://www.google.com/maps/@23.6073123,89.841811,3a,75y,81.59h,84.31t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sB4HMB2-_ueY_z1nFnSck9g!2e0!7i16384!8i8192?entry=ttu

English is taught in all schools there -- it's compulsory. Sure few are fluent, but English is hardly a "foreign" language there. You can peruse one of the 10 English language newspapers next time you're at a newsstand.

Op here. I doubt it is warm water showers like we are used to in the US. They use a water boiler in the bathroom but there isn't a way to combine both hot and cold water so it will come out of the shower head. His family told me they had a hot water shower before this visit but once I arrived I realized it's not what we are used to in the US. If I suggested going to a hotel my dh would balk or think his family would get offended. His family may own that hotel. I can check. One of his uncles owns a hotel around here.

Uber isn't in this city. The streets are usually more congested than that. There are also huge buses like mega bus types that go down those roads. I don't feel safe walking down those sidewalks.
The only thing we would be able to do is going to a corner shop and buy small items so it's not very exciting. My kids are having a good time as a side note. One of our kids is getting an x-ray today for his asthma and in the US the bill would be so much higher. There are definitely pros to visiting. I am going to take my sister in laws out shopping later to Aarong. It's a famous department store here.. Very high end clothing. I told them dh was treating them to a new dress. He balked at first but I insisted.

I’ve been scrolling through the Aarong website for like 20min. The textiles are gorgeous!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is American born and raised SouthAsian?

Op here. No, if that was the case I would have probably been prepared. I am a white American from Connecticut. Before the first trip I think I watched a few videos and from the videos, I thought people would be riding on the tops of trains and I would see a lot of monkeys and elephants. I didn't see any monkeys. I saw one elephant and I didn't see any trains during the first visit. I went in blind. I wasn't even aware of mosquitos being a problem, no washer or dryers, or sleeping in a mosquito net. There are a lot of other things as well but I won't go into that. The people are so sweet though and they do seem happier than Americans. They enjoy life more it seems and have more friends and down time. If they aren't having downtime it seems a friend will always be around working with them. A lot of people own their own shops, car business etc, etc.

You cannot be this dumb. Seriously.

To be honest I’m Indian American and I know nothing about Bangladesh either

I would assume it’s just like India but when I sit and think about it I’ve never really heard of bangladeshi railways/trains either

Edit:

So I just looked it up and while Indian railways has been a thing for almost 200 years and has total track length of 80k miles

Bangladesh only has 2200 miles of track

That’s crazy. Rail is so central to my idea of south Asian identity even as a 2nd American — we grew up hearing about and visiting and riding on the railways that were terrible slow but extensive

Bangladesh really doesn’t even have that - crazy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imo your DH should be taking an active role in planning an enjoyable trip for his family. You don’t know the area or what to do. Does he? Can you make plans together? Can you take trips to other places with your immediate family? I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem invested in everyone having a good trip.

Because that's an American viewpoint. He's there to see his family. It's also why OP is getting frustrated because she few up that way. He did not. Cultural difference. She needs to bend more towards the Bengali side and to do that for a month takes a sort of saint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

It sounds like you live in a bubble

https://www.indiatoday.in/amp/diu/story/less-than-10-percent-indian-men-involved-household-chores-survey-1731199-2020-10-13

Reposting full title since it wasn’t displayed on the prior link: Less than 10% Indian men involved in household chores, shows latest survey

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is American born and raised SouthAsian?

Op here. No, if that was the case I would have probably been prepared. I am a white American from Connecticut. Before the first trip I think I watched a few videos and from the videos, I thought people would be riding on the tops of trains and I would see a lot of monkeys and elephants. I didn't see any monkeys. I saw one elephant and I didn't see any trains during the first visit. I went in blind. I wasn't even aware of mosquitos being a problem, no washer or dryers, or sleeping in a mosquito net. There are a lot of other things as well but I won't go into that. The people are so sweet though and they do seem happier than Americans. They enjoy life more it seems and have more friends and down time. If they aren't having downtime it seems a friend will always be around working with them. A lot of people own their own shops, car business etc, etc.

You cannot be this dumb. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:O they realize a marriage with a white chick won't last if they constantly act like it's my way or the highway.

x1000. Many Americans women don't realize how good they have it with American men. The kind of treatment you get from an American man, in most of South Asia or Africa, you will never be treated in an equal manner the way an American man will treat you. And despite this most marriages end up failing. I am always amazed when I see the guys here doing stuff like grocery shopping, chores at home, etc. , as an African woman I am envious.

Funny you say this because my parents immigrated from India in the 70s - same deal, wife does EVERYTHING. I remember being a kid in the 90s and my mom STILL being mystified because she went to the grocery store on a Saturday morning and there were so many MEN there doing full cartloads of shopping for the family and some men even brought the 4 year old along. LOL to her that was the most AMAZING thing because to most Indian guys who immigrated back then and brought over an Indian wife going to the grocery store is something you did once in a year as a "favor" to your wife because you were out of milk and desperately needed another gallon and she couldn't get to the store; and even then that "favor" was very much remembered as he'd later be like - uh make sure you get enough milk for our child next time. Because making sure his child had enough to eat was not dad's problem.

Wow!! No one in my vast Indian community in this area is married to such an Indian man. I wonder if it is actually a SES issue rather than the issue of a group? People who came from well educated and fairly prosperous families in India have a very different mindset.

I immigrated in 1990's. My DH has always done more than me at home, regardless of when I was a WOHM or a SAHM. I have always paid very well to get domestic help - cleaners, landscapers, cooks - even on very modest salary. The reason is that DH and I have heavily prioritized our time spent with our children and essentially we are buying our time back when we outsource time consuming domestic chores.

It sounds like you live in a bubble

https://www.indiatoday.in/amp/diu/story/less-than-10-percent-indian-men-involved-household-chores-survey-1731199-2020-10-13