Anonymous wrote:OP here. So we spent the weekend with them in the same house. I observed them. Didn't see anything sexual. But he was using her for his entertainment as a toy. He would grab her and drag her when she said "no".

So I intervened when he did that. I told him to stop. "Larlo, if your sister said no, you must stop. No means no. Stop dragging your sister." Or "You have to respect your sister when she says no." I said that in a loud, harsh voice and he would stop immediately. He didn't like it, but surprisingly neither did his mother. She objected and I told her the girl will grow up knowing her "no" doesn't matter and that he overpowers her. Mom denied it.

Also, told his mother that the girl needs a separate bedroom at this age, it's not appropriate. She said the girl was getting a separate room.

Also, told the girl that when she says no her brother has to respect it and if he doesn't she needs to tell adults.

Overall, the boy was obnoxious and I don't want to spend any more weekends with him around.

Thank you for updating. What a sad situation. You did a good job, OP.

OP, thanks for updating. You did the right thing to tell him to stop AND to tell the girl she should inform an adult if it happens again. And sadly, it will happen again when you're not there. Even if there are zero sexual overtones, she is still learning the her "no" has no power and that it's simply easier to "go along to get along" so that eventually brother will tire of bullying her and move on. That will end up with her thinking the same when a boy eventually pressures her for sex. Poor girl. (And yes, this absolutely is the definition of bullying--repeated targeting and ongoing harassing.)

Is there any way you can play the "aunt" figure and take the girl places, do occasional things with just her/your kids, without asking brother to come too? Or would the mom insist that DD mustn't go on any outing that doesn't include brother too "because that's not fair"--? It could help this girl to have times when she is away from bully brother and enabler/clueless parents, times when she can do things that SHE likes without fearing he will loom over her any minute. Can you ask to take her on some outings calculated to be things she'd like but he'd hate, so mom won't pull the "fairness" card? The girl desperately needs mentors who will build her up and help her feel she can defy brother's demands. Is she in any activities? I know she's not your own kid so you can't approach her teachers or Girl Scout leaders or coaches etc. But I sure hope she has some kind of brother-free activities with observant adult leaders. As a longtime GS leader I know I'd be working in activities about speaking up and anti-bullying tactics if I observed what you've observed.

You said the mom said the girl would get her own room this past weekend on the trip you all took. Do you know if that actually happened or if mom was just placating you and DD still had to share with her brother?

The horrible thing: When bullies are at school, at least a child can have some respite from them at home. This girl's bully is at home and no night or weekend or vacation gives her a break from her bully.

OP here. So we spent the weekend with them in the same house. I observed them. Didn't see anything sexual. But he was using her for his entertainment as a toy. He would grab her and drag her when she said "no".

So I intervened when he did that. I told him to stop. "Larlo, if your sister said no, you must stop. No means no. Stop dragging your sister." Or "You have to respect your sister when she says no." I said that in a loud, harsh voice and he would stop immediately. He didn't like it, but surprisingly neither did his mother. She objected and I told her the girl will grow up knowing her "no" doesn't matter and that he overpowers her. Mom denied it.

Also, told his mother that the girl needs a separate bedroom at this age, it's not appropriate. She said the girl was getting a separate room.

Also, told the girl that when she says no her brother has to respect it and if he doesn't she needs to tell adults.

Overall, the boy was obnoxious and I don't want to spend any more weekends with him around.

OP come back!!!! What happened on vacation?

Not sure why you think this is an American thing. Sadly, abuse is tolerated and ignored all over the world and in many different cultures. Americans are no where near the worst in this regard. Hopefully this girl and family gets the help it needs.

Americans are despicable in their failure to protect children from abuse. Most American adults just don’t seem to care.

I don't think she is going to come back. She will either call CPS and not want to say anything or she has convinced herself that they are just slightly off from normal and the mom is going to handle it.

It is a sad situation and totally screwed up that so many adults around them are just letting it go.

OP, are you back from vacation?

Anonymous wrote:I would not call CPS. You need to be sure before you make an accusation like that. If you call you could have the girl taken out of the family and that could cause permanent damage. You should talk to the mom and suggest that she should not allow them to share a room anymore and share a story about a friend that does not do that anymore. Also ask her if her daughter minds him touching her all the time. It’s most likely there is nothing inappropriate going on but that still doesn’t mean that the daughter likes it. You could suggest that she kindly talk about personal boundaries etc...

Shut-up, troll. Assault causes permanent damage.

I would not call CPS. You need to be sure before you make an accusation like that. If you call you could have the girl taken out of the family and that could cause permanent damage. You should talk to the mom and suggest that she should not allow them to share a room anymore and share a story about a friend that does not do that anymore. Also ask her if her daughter minds him touching her all the time. It’s most likely there is nothing inappropriate going on but that still doesn’t mean that the daughter likes it. You could suggest that she kindly talk about personal boundaries etc...

Show the mom this thread.

I think OP should talk to the mom before calling CPS. I think a part of that conversation should be that the kids shouldn't share a room anymore. I know families who are overly affectionate by American standards, but I think it's a cultural thing in those cases. I'd be reluctant to call CPS without talking to the mom and seeing her reaction and response regarding what she plans to do. If she blew me off, I'd call CPS immediately and not worry about the friendship. It's possible the daughter will be temporarily removed from the home and put with strangers. That will be traumatic if there is no abuse beyond the son thinking the daughter likes being carried around. Feeling like strangers can just snatch you from your family at that age might inject a lot of permanent insecurities and fear. I really hope OP is a troll or is just overreacting to what's just a more affectionate family. The kissing incident when the son was 8 or no he is concerning though.

Kids do all kinds of things. But a 13 year old has hit puberty. The adults should be talking to him about what's no longer appropriate at his age.

I was pinned down and kissed by a sibling. It was disgusting. But my sibling and I were often unsupervised and I blame my parents....

Anonymous wrote:If op can’t step up to do the right thing here, I’d be concerned if she would protect her own child in an abusive situation. She’d be more concerned about her adult friendships and staying in her comfort zone. Some people don’t deserve to be parents. OP seems to be one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they European by any chance?

Give it up, you pervert. Pinning down your sister to kiss her is assault. Are you the op troll?

OP said this happened when he was 8 or 9, not now at 13. It wasn't appropriate then either, but 8 year olds do stupid things. I wouldn't call CPS based on that.