Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:58     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
I advocate the affair option. Some relationships are complicated --sexless for years, e.g. ZERO sex, closet gay spouse potentially, addiction issues, etc -- and sometimes you can avert your eyes and just allow affair on both sides if at that point in time it is too hard to financially separate, etc. Life is not black/white situation, there are many shades of gray here. Some people can't afford to divorce without severaly compromising their children's standard of living, quality of life.....

Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:55     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
FBO wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.


I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.



Bullshit. Infidelity, at least in DC, is not grounds to take away custody. You sound like an asshole interested in being vindictive over wellfare of your children.

So vindictive. Isn't it about what is best for the child and not your own need for revenge?
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:51     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.



Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.


Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?


Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.


Plenty of people can't divorce because of financial instability, wanting to stay together until kids are out of school, etc...


Still doesn't excuse cheating. And I call BS. If the spouse started drinking too much, abusing you or the kids, the person would find a way out. What you mean is that it is incovenient to end a marriage and that stability. Where there is a will there is a way. You aren't serving your kids well to cheat on their other parent. Rebuilding a marriage takes a ton of hard work and courage. It makes patience and forgiveness even when the other person doesn't "deserve" it. Cheating is the easy way out and it's only taking your short term needs into account.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:03     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.



Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.


Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?


Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.


Plenty of people can't divorce because of financial instability, wanting to stay together until kids are out of school, etc...
FBO
Post 06/18/2012 12:00     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
FBO wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.


I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.




So vindictive. Isn't it about what is best for the child and not your own need for revenge?


Why is that vindictive? It would come down to trust. If I lost all trust in a spouse, then how could I trust them with our kid? Whos to say that they will not make more irresponsilbe decisions that DO later hurt the child. Also, if you look at patterning, this happens all the time but with the roles reversed. Daddy does something wrong, and mommy makes it her lifes mission to make him pay for it using the kid. Its a stereotype becuase it happens all the time. Thsi would be no different.

Either way, its a crappy situation to be in. I just asked the question to see if others thought about it as well.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 11:52     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.



Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.


Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?


Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 11:16     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
FBO wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.


I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.




So vindictive. Isn't it about what is best for the child and not your own need for revenge?
FBO
Post 06/18/2012 10:48     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.


I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 09:16     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.



Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.


Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 22:40     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.



Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 22:05     Subject: Re:How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 21:54     Subject: How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about don't look at your own selfish needs and hurt others?


Selfish needs? Doesn't everybody deserve happiness?


Every situation is different so I wouldn't be so quick to judge. If two people find happiness and companionship in an affair that they didn't have in their marriage then I say go for it.


Yeah and I just bet thier spouses love being betrayed, after all, as long as their spouses find happiness and all, no biggie then.



Exactly. Why worry about hurting the person you married, the mother/father of your kids? YOU need to worry about YOU! Life is all about YOUR happiness. Fuck your family!
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 21:10     Subject: How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about don't look at your own selfish needs and hurt others?


Selfish needs? Doesn't everybody deserve happiness?


Every situation is different so I wouldn't be so quick to judge. If two people find happiness and companionship in an affair that they didn't have in their marriage then I say go for it.


Yeah and I just bet thier spouses love being betrayed, after all, as long as their spouses find happiness and all, no biggie then.

Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 19:59     Subject: How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
Anonymous wrote:How about don't look at your own selfish needs and hurt others?


Selfish needs? Doesn't everybody deserve happiness?


Every situation is different so I wouldn't be so quick to judge. If two people find happiness and companionship in an affair that they didn't have in their marriage then I say go for it.
Anonymous
Post 06/17/2012 17:25     Subject: How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?
How about don't look at your own selfish needs and hurt others?