As a caregiver to an absentee parent when I was young, you get over it. It’s all about what a person does ‘right’ in their personal life. Clearly Gene’s kids did not care about him or have a human compassion for the issues that elderly people or immediate caregivers suffer through. I believe they will regret their lack of concern or interest in their father. I’m sure they will reap large inheritances but they have lost integrity and a moral compass in the eyes of his fans and followers of this story. I do not judge the children but just pass along to others, rise above lack of compassion for others no matter what you deal with in life as regrets weigh more on people than just doing what’s right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine how mortified the family is. Regardless of the reason, having everyone in the country know that my father wandered around his house with severe dementia, unable to get help for more than a week would be so embarrassing. Not to mention how guilty I would feel. I mean, I was present when my dad died, and I still (against all reason) felt guilty.

How is this embarrassing? Extremely sad, yes but hardly embarrassing.

+1 very sad but I imagine stories like this will become more common with an aging population.

No, loving families would not be out of touch for this length of time.

You're assuming he could talk on the phone. My grandmother, when she had dementia, progressed to the point where she really could not. But before that, she could but didn't want to. And none of the grandkids - all of whom lived out of state - realized the full extent until we visited. My grandfather concealed it. He didn't want his kids and grandkids to worry. So when we called he'd say she was in the shower, or napping, or visiting with friends. All very plausible. Then we get there for a visit and she's thrilled to see us and we gradually realize she has no idea who we actually are. And that was a good year before she actually died. At that one year before mark, my parents and aunts/uncles stepped in to help, but they had to override my grandfather in order to do it. He really didn't want help even though he needed it and she needed it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just call someone with Alzheimer’s, have a chitchat and check on them. The kids were probably grateful for the caretaking being off their shoulders and chose not to bother the poor woman further. I find it bizarre the blame people want to assign here. Sometimes crappy stuff happens.

Chose not to be involved...

Which is a completely valid option.

Gene had 3 children although most on this thread seem to only mention his daughters. His son is 65, his youngest daughter is 59 and the other daughter is in between. He travelled a lot for work when the kids were growing up and separated from his first wife in the late 70s/early 80s, although they didn't offically divorce until 1986. I am not sure how much he was around the kids. He was living with Betsy by 1984 and with her until now so 40 years.

His kids would have been young adults and the same age as Betsy when she started dating Gene so likely they didn't have a really close relationship with her. His life was with Betsy for a very long time.

I have to wonder what happens with the estate because I suspect they all thought Gene would die first. Did they set things up to accommodate her dying first?

I know a family where a later in life second wife’s extended family had been promised that they would inherit from her. She married a wealthy man late in life who was twenty years older, her family was not at all wealthy, and she was not wealthy. They had no kids themselves, she was 50 when they married. And it is true that the will/trust was set up entirely to benefit her survivors and effectively disinherit the first kids. She actually got him to sign a will/trust doc benefiting her, and then in her own will, sent all assets to her extended family. He has borderline dementia when he signed his will/trust doc, which eventually became full dementia, and probably wasn’t competent, but impossible to prove.

But she got a surprising aggressive cancer and died in three months. The husband’s survivorship clauses directed all his assets to his own kids if she predeceased him. So her family got nothing.

They were so pissed they tried to challenge his will, they had made financial decisions assuming they’d inherit everything from him even after she died. Of course they were laughed out of court.

Anonymous wrote:How did his wife get the virus? Through cleaning up mouse droppings or something? How does one get those diseases?

Please read the last three pages of the thread

My granddad got extremely paranoid when he had alzheimers and would go after my Dad a lot because Dad made some of the hard decision like taking his keys away. My granddad adored my father but alzheimers changed that and it was really hard. My Dad has few pictures from when he was a kid because granddad destroyed them.

What my Dad went through was so bad that we all genuinely worry my Dad would commit suicide if he got the same diagnosis (fortunately my Dad is well into his 70s, older than when granddad was diagnosed and nothing). It is a terrible disease.

How did his wife get the virus? Through cleaning up mouse droppings or something? How does one get those diseases?

Anonymous wrote:Exhibit A for why having kids is so, sooooooop overrated

So many people think their kids are gonna give a crap about them when they get old and are on their death bed.

So many examples of where it isn't true. Or your kids turn into massive jerk offs

I don’t think I’d base most parent-child experiences on celebrity parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People puzzling over why kids didn't check in more. The evidence is pretty strong that they did not have great relationships with him. One daughter told the media that he was in 'great health for a man of 95,' two days after he was discovered dead. Today, the medical examiner described him as 'in extremely poor health.' Those kids seemed to have no idea what was going on with him. Maybe he and Betsy agreed to keep that illness private and they hid it. Not tough to do, considering that daughter lived in California and had not spoke to him for several months and had not seen him in more than a year.

+1 Very sad when family members have infrequent contact

It is. But it’s a two way street. Some older parents don’t foster or encourage or reciprocate closeness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine how mortified the family is. Regardless of the reason, having everyone in the country know that my father wandered around his house with severe dementia, unable to get help for more than a week would be so embarrassing. Not to mention how guilty I would feel. I mean, I was present when my dad died, and I still (against all reason) felt guilty.

How is this embarrassing? Extremely sad, yes but hardly embarrassing.

+1 very sad but I imagine stories like this will become more common with an aging population.

No, loving families would not be out of touch for this length of time.

He was not very present when they were young. The relationship seemed fine but somewhat distant. I would not blame them so much. We had the caretaker being hurt /Alzheimer scenario in our own family. We live very far from them. It does not even take days of no contact for tragedy to happen: caretaker fell and lost consciousness. Spouse with Alzheimer became disoriented and screamed and screamed. Certainly did not know what to do on his own. Thankfully a neighbor called police about the screams. These were people checked on by phone daily by us and other relatives, but had the neighbor not heard and called 911, none of us would have known something was wrong until later the next day and it might already have been too late.

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just call someone with Alzheimer’s, have a chitchat and check on them. The kids were probably grateful for the caretaking being off their shoulders and chose not to bother the poor woman further. I find it bizarre the blame people want to assign here. Sometimes crappy stuff happens.

Chose not to be involved...

You can’t just call someone with Alzheimer’s, have a chitchat and check on them. The kids were probably grateful for the caretaking being off their shoulders and chose not to bother the poor woman further. I find it bizarre the blame people want to assign here. Sometimes crappy stuff happens.

Anonymous wrote:Hackman's "kids", I'm assuming are pretty old themselves give he married their mom in 1956. We have no idea what their caretaking abilities and duties were.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So.

Biologist here.

You almost need to sleep on a bed of rodent droppings to catch hantavirus. Meaning, the dose of droppings needs to be extreme to catch it, which is why it's so rare. This is why it's usually caught by hikers who sleep outdoors - not the day hiker who happens to sit in a pile of infected leaves and eat a sandwich.

The authorities haven't said a word, but I'd be interested in the cleanliness of their home, and her state of mind. No sane person, unless perhaps they're a hoarder, lives in such a way in their own home to cause a hantavirus infection.
I doubt at her age and with her husband, that they were camping overnight in the woods...

And dehydration was probably a factor in the death of Gene and the dog. The media just isn't very accurate and the experts are cagey. But obviously you die from thirst before you die from lack of food.

I will also note that a relative of Gene's denied he had advanced Alzheimer's. It's sadly typical of some people that they feel shame and the need to hide such diagnoses, but it only ends up confusing everyone. I am glad the salient points of the medical report were publicly disclosed. That relative must be feeling pretty foolish now.

This is just wrong. Hantavirus is rare and yes you’re more likely to get it indoors, but as this article discussing an outbreak at Yosemite makes clear, you can catch it outside and you certainly don’t have to be writhing in a bed of it.

https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2012/08/104306/hantavirus-be-careful-not-fearful

I know someone who got hantavirus from sweeping up their garage and around the outside of their house.

Anyone who has lived in the 4 corners area (the real 4 corners, not just those states) knows someone who has had it.

Why those areas?

Because that is where deer mice live (not just in the four corners, but they are a western critter prevalent in the four corners), and deer mice carry the SNV variant which causes HPS. There are other variants and carriers, and there are a few cases in the east and southeast. This article is older so the case numbers are lower, but it’s a good introduction to hantavirus if you want to learn more about it.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3840873/

PP here. Very interesting. Thanks for your summary and the link!