Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have always been really open about whether we think someone is pretty, handsome, hot, etc. Like it is truly a matter of FACT.
It diffuses the potential insecurity. Works for us. There will always be hotter, younger, prettier, funnier, etc. It doesn't mean we are less.

Anonymous wrote:No wonder there are so many effed up relationships in this area. People justifying an adult, married father making wildly inappropriate sexually charged comments (and yes, the word “hot” versus pretty or attractive implies this) to his (possibly equally immature) friend about his MUCH younger EMPLOYEE, while beating up on the wife for (understandably) feeling hurt/insecure...

Of course people notice attractive people. Noticing and verbalizing are actually two different things. Show your spouse some respect and consideration. Treat your employees with respect. “Everyone else does it” is not an excuse that we let fly with our children, so why would it be acceptable for an adult?

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t bring it up to him. You both know she is pretty. He had enough sense to not make a distasteful comment to you directly about it.

Him telling a male friend the nanny is hot is just talk between friends. If we had a hot pool boy and I mentioned it to a girlfriend I wouldn’t expect my husband to be miffed. I don’t think he would care what so ever.

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I had two hot nannies. You sound insecure. He was telling his friend. All I cared is that they were good with my kids.

No. It’s completely disrespectful to both the OP and THE NANNY to talk about her that way. Think whatever you want but keep your thoughts in your head. OP should call him out on it, not because she’s upset that he recognizes the nanny is attractive, but because he is commenting on that attractiveness to anyone other than OP. It’s totally inappropriate.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly it’s kind of gross to me that these people even had a conversation about it. I get that it happens, but the idea of a group of people discussing the appearance of any woman behind their backs in these terms is sad to me. It’s sexual objectification of somebody who didn’t ask to be sexually objectified and that doesn’t seem okay to me. I don’t see how it’s that different from talking about somebody in an explicitly sexual way, like “she would be great in bed” or “her butt is super tight.” Why even have this conversation? Among grown adults? But that’s the way of the world I guess.

Do you honestly not know any men? It’s what they do and when together they talk about it. Heck women do to. Do you not do this with your friends? “Wow! That barista has hot.” Does that mean the next time you go there you slip him your phone number or a hotel room key? Of course not. Also, we women are pretty bad about objectifying the looks of other women and making some pretty horrible comments about each other. OPs husband made a innocent comment, that’s it. Everyone needs to get a grip!

The harpies in here are so insecure, they are all afraid of what men might do. It's not that they don't know men, they just want to be in denial that their DH is actually like other men. All other men.

I don’t do that. My friends and I would never sit around with my friends and talk about how my pool boy is hot. And if I did and it got back to my hisband I would feel chagrined about it. But I get that not everybody has my same values.

And I’m not insecure about my body, but I think we need to be kinder to those who are insecure. A lot of people are talking about how people need to be careful about hiring a nanny hotter than you are, so it’s clear that people consider the position OP is in precarious. Why wouldn’t somebody who is hearing that kind of thing feel a little insecure? Life is really unkind to aging women and we shouldn’t expect all women to be perfectly secure.

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Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

Genuinely curious - why is the nanny not well adjusted?

Not me personally no but i can see why it would be a good choice with someone with a nurturing kind personality who genuinely loves children.

Would being a nanny be your career of choice at 28?

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Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

Genuinely curious - why is the nanny not well adjusted?

Not me personally no but i can see why it would be a good choice with someone with a nurturing kind personality who genuinely loves children.

Would being a nanny be your career of choice at 28?

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Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

Genuinely curious - why is the nanny not well adjusted?

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Anonymous wrote:OP— you need to let your nanny go. No question.

So she should fire this nanny in the middle of a pandemic, when getting a new job would be very tough, because her creepy husband and obnoxious neighbor are making OP feel insecure? I bet you consider yourself a feminist, too....

Yes. The nanny’s job prospects are not OP’s problem.

Yes, you should definitely fire anyone who makes you feel insecure.

OP needs to work on her self esteem, not fire the nanny, who is probably the only well adjusted one in the bunch.

If you are overly attractive, 28, and a nanny- I would venture you are not well adjusted

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I don’t think OP should fire the nanny, but if she does... it is NOT OP who is harming the nanny, it is HER HUSBAND!

He's hurting the nanny by thinking she's attractive? Shifting the blame to the husband for the nanny's firing seems like Ike blaming Tina. "I don't mean to hurt you baby, it's just that you make me so mad sometimes."

I seriously cannot tell if some of you people responding are deliberately misrepresenting the situation (i.e. the difference between thinking and talking, not to mention the difference between the words “attractive” and “hot”) or if you are just really, tragically stupid.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?

How is it opportunity? Hot young nanny would have to be interested in the 40 year old dad husband.

Not likely.

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I don’t think OP should fire the nanny, but if she does... it is NOT OP who is harming the nanny, it is HER HUSBAND!

He's hurting the nanny by thinking she's attractive? Shifting the blame to the husband for the nanny's firing seems like Ike blaming Tina. "I don't mean to hurt you baby, it's just that you make me so mad sometimes."

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this discussion: I always hear that cheating is about opportunity and so why is it so bad to say to limit close exposure like in this situation?