Anonymous wrote:Hey OP - I think you sound totally cool. I would be happy (and fascinated) to have you as a mom friend. Thanks for being so open.

Thank you

Hey OP - I think you sound totally cool. I would be happy (and fascinated) to have you as a mom friend. Thanks for being so open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

It does seem like there is judgement in your question. I don't think about this. I just try to do my job and entertain.

I'm sorry you sense judgment in the question. There really isn't. Most of the men watching you are not there to enjoy the artistry of your dancing, or even to appreciate you physically as a whole person, and they're not thinking about what an intelligent and nice person you are. They're reducing you to sexual body parts. Especially the sex addicts. A woman who chooses your line of work needs a defense against the sense that she's reduced to this. Some come to despise men, some self-medicate to block it out, some despise themselves. I'm just surprised your therapist hasn't addressed this with you, and that you haven't given it more thought. I think it's important to work through for anyone, but especially if you have a history of sexual abuse, where someone has ignored who you are as a person and reduced you to body parts for their sexual use in a very traumatic way.

PP again, and I know that my artistry was definitely appreciated. I was well known for my stage shows.

Some of the men do appreciate intelligence. I've spent time in the champagne room discussing existentialism, mindfulness, and Buddhist philosophy. But most of the time I wa just naked, dancing on the table. Lol. Most guys are there to have mindless fun, and feel threatened by intelligent strippers. It snaps them out of the fantasy.

I never expected customers to appreciate me as a person. My job was to entertain them.

Do you go around asking the salespeople at Macy's if they're hurt that customers don't "appreciate them as a whole person"?

OP here, thank you PP! No one is worried about how we exploit waitresses, cashiers, maids and nannies. I was a bartender during university and men said very crude things to me then, openly ogled me and didn't give a whit about me. Why is objectification worse if you're naked?

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's a stripper ama thread. irrelevant.

Please keep this quote in mind when responding to this thread. It is not a "judge me" thread or an "argue with me" thread, or -- God forbid -- a "call me 'thick'" thread. If you have nothing to ask, then you have nothing to post and should probably find a thread of more interest to you.

I heard a great idea the other day, attributed to Gandhi (no idea if that's true). I'm paraphrasing here: Speak only if it will improve on the silence.

Beautiful sentiment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

It does seem like there is judgement in your question. I don't think about this. I just try to do my job and entertain.

I'm sorry you sense judgment in the question. There really isn't. Most of the men watching you are not there to enjoy the artistry of your dancing, or even to appreciate you physically as a whole person, and they're not thinking about what an intelligent and nice person you are. They're reducing you to sexual body parts. Especially the sex addicts. A woman who chooses your line of work needs a defense against the sense that she's reduced to this. Some come to despise men, some self-medicate to block it out, some despise themselves. I'm just surprised your therapist hasn't addressed this with you, and that you haven't given it more thought. I think it's important to work through for anyone, but especially if you have a history of sexual abuse, where someone has ignored who you are as a person and reduced you to body parts for their sexual use in a very traumatic way.

PP again, and I know that my artistry was definitely appreciated. I was well known for my stage shows.

Some of the men do appreciate intelligence. I've spent time in the champagne room discussing existentialism, mindfulness, and Buddhist philosophy. But most of the time I wa just naked, dancing on the table. Lol. Most guys are there to have mindless fun, and feel threatened by intelligent strippers. It snaps them out of the fantasy.

I never expected customers to appreciate me as a person. My job was to entertain them.

Do you go around asking the salespeople at Macy's if they're hurt that customers don't "appreciate them as a whole person"?

OP here, thank you PP! No one is worried about how we exploit waitresses, cashiers, maids and nannies. I was a bartender during university and men said very crude things to me then, openly ogled me and didn't give a whit about me. Why is objectification worse if you're naked?

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe it was the past sexual abuse you mentioned that coerced you into choosing stripping besides the big money? If so, why?

In no way was I "coerced" into stripping. It was a decision I discussed with my husband at length.

I cannot tell how my being a victim of childhood sexual abuse played into my decision, because I don't know what it's like to not have been sexually abused. Sexuality and gender studies have always been of particular interest to me - LGBTQ issues, feminism, the dark and taboo elements of human sexuality and, yes, the roles of sex workers in society through the ages - so I didn't just wake up one day with this particular itch to scratch.

Anonymous wrote:
It's a stripper ama thread. irrelevant.

Please keep this quote in mind when responding to this thread. It is not a "judge me" thread or an "argue with me" thread, or -- God forbid -- a "call me 'thick'" thread. If you have nothing to ask, then you have nothing to post and should probably find a thread of more interest to you.

I heard a great idea the other day, attributed to Gandhi (no idea if that's true). I'm paraphrasing here: Speak only if it will improve on the silence.

Anonymous wrote:I've found this thread to be really informative and thank you, OP, for putting yourself out there with this.

Are lap dances the "money maker" or simply the dancing part? Did you learn how to do your body and face makeup on the job? Are there people there that help you with it?

How much is the cost of the job outside of the club fees? Wigs, make-up, shoes, outfits, that sort of thing.

Again, I'm not OP. It all depends. Champagne rooms and lap dances were my money maker, stage shows were a way to advertise. I would only make a lot of money on stage if the club was crowded, or in the rare event that a football player or drug dealer made it rain. There was one very memorable stage set where I made several thousand dollars, a lottery winner made it rain!

I didn't spend a lot of money on makeup, I probably bought as much as the average woman. I used to do my own, but my club also had a makeup artist available. I'm not sure how much she charged.

Shoes and gowns were an infrequent purchase. I spent money on hair ($700 for weaves every two months), pole dancing classes, and pedicures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

It does seem like there is judgement in your question. I don't think about this. I just try to do my job and entertain.

I'm sorry you sense judgment in the question. There really isn't. Most of the men watching you are not there to enjoy the artistry of your dancing, or even to appreciate you physically as a whole person, and they're not thinking about what an intelligent and nice person you are. They're reducing you to sexual body parts. Especially the sex addicts. A woman who chooses your line of work needs a defense against the sense that she's reduced to this. Some come to despise men, some self-medicate to block it out, some despise themselves. I'm just surprised your therapist hasn't addressed this with you, and that you haven't given it more thought. I think it's important to work through for anyone, but especially if you have a history of sexual abuse, where someone has ignored who you are as a person and reduced you to body parts for their sexual use in a very traumatic way.

PP again, and I know that my artistry was definitely appreciated. I was well known for my stage shows.

Some of the men do appreciate intelligence. I've spent time in the champagne room discussing existentialism, mindfulness, and Buddhist philosophy. But most of the time I wa just naked, dancing on the table. Lol. Most guys are there to have mindless fun, and feel threatened by intelligent strippers. It snaps them out of the fantasy.

I never expected customers to appreciate me as a person. My job was to entertain them.

Do you go around asking the salespeople at Macy's if they're hurt that customers don't "appreciate them as a whole person"?

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

I'm not OP, but I was also a stripper for several years. I enjoyed pole dancing, and loved when customers watched me. In fact, if they didn't look (and tip well), I would get mad! There was no mental game - I liked being watched.

And being naked didn't make me feel subhuman. It was exhilarating. The only time I didn't enjoy it was when I wasn't getting enough attention. I trained hard to learn and perfect my stage shows, and I felt insulted when they weren't appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

It does seem like there is judgement in your question. I don't think about this. I just try to do my job and entertain.

I'm sorry you sense judgment in the question. There really isn't. Most of the men watching you are not there to enjoy the artistry of your dancing, or even to appreciate you physically as a whole person, and they're not thinking about what an intelligent and nice person you are. They're reducing you to sexual body parts. Especially the sex addicts. A woman who chooses your line of work needs a defense against the sense that she's reduced to this. Some come to despise men, some self-medicate to block it out, some despise themselves. I'm just surprised your therapist hasn't addressed this with you, and that you haven't given it more thought. I think it's important to work through for anyone, but especially if you have a history of sexual abuse, where someone has ignored who you are as a person and reduced you to body parts for their sexual use in a very traumatic way.

This thread really makes me ponder.

If you were to ask me whether I judge strippers, I would hesitate. The truth is there are two ways I think, and I think that holds true for most people. There's my higher, spiritual self, who thinks one way, and there's my materialistic, earthly self, who thinks another way.

So on one level, I definitely don't judge strippers because I know that everyone is on their own path, and no person's choice is inherently better than another person's choice, because we're all here to grow and learn. I know that we are meant to love one another. I know our bodies and identities are just clothes that we wear and shed as our souls pass from one life to the next and for all I know I've been a prostitute in a past life. I know that I have no right to judge.

But on another level, I am a human being living a human life, in a society where we all interact with each other in a very un-spiritual and often unaccepting way, and we all judge each other, evaluate each other and are riddled with insecurities and fears. And it is partly this insecurity and fear that makes me judge strippers secretly while also outwardly liking them and supporting them. I mean, I do genuinely think it's kind of a sad life, and I think it's emotionally disheartening. But partly I think it I judge strippers so much because I judge myself so much.

It's very confusing. But thank you for this thread.

Do you believe it was the past sexual abuse you mentioned that coerced you into choosing stripping besides the big money? If so, why?

Anonymous wrote:How do you process, in a healthy way, men sitting there for hours staring at your body parts like you're subhuman? Do you have a mental game/trick that gives you a feeling of empowerment over this? Does it feel familiar, as a sexual abuse survivor? No judgment in this question, more purely psychological curiosity.

It does seem like there is judgement in your question. I don't think about this. I just try to do my job and entertain.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you think of women who object to their husbands going to strip clubs?

I think that is their prerogative! I don't want my husband going to strip clubs without me either.