Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

It IS COMMON to give cash. The part that people (including me) are "hung up" on is the fact that the couple is ASKING/DEMANDING cash. THAT is rude beyond belief

I have never been to a wedding where cash was given as a gift. I am used to a wedding registry which I think is eminently sensible since the couple gets to select what they would like as a gift if someone wants to give one.

I think it is specific to the region of the country. My college friend from NJ got married and got tons of cash as wedding gifts, which they used as a down payment for their house. She's Irish and told me it's customary to give cash, not gifts. We had a registry at our wedding but one invited couple (70+ husband and wife from NJ) did give a check. Many non-Americans gave cash as well.

I never give cash for a wedding gift because it feels impersonal to me. Instead, I sent a gift a few weeks ahead so the couple doesn't have to deal with transporting it from the wedding venue.

I also don't bother with registries either, unless I don't know the couple well or I know the couple really needs or wants something particular.

We were recently invited to a wedding. There was a link to an online registry, but single item was a cash amount. So, a registry of dollar amounts. I did not mind it, however, we ended up writing a check instead of picking out a cash amount from that website.

I find it absolutely acceptable and even appreciated IF a couple wants cash to indicate what they want the cash for...I don't find it tacky at all to add something like "We are so excited to start our new life together. What we wish for most right now is to be able to purchase a home/go on a wonderful honeymoon in Thailand/share the love with less fortunate people/whatever so if you would like to give a little towards that dream we'd appreciate it. If you'd like to only bring yourself to our wedding that is just as much appreciated."

I am bad with words, not a native speaker. But something along those lines is perfectly fine for me. If a couple has a huge wish they'd like the money used for gifts to go to there's nothing wrong with that. The way I see it the wedding day is for the couple to remember. THEIR special day. They do not need gifts to remember all the people that were there, there will be PLENTY of pictures/videos for that. If they go on a beautiful honeymoon or put the money towards a down payment for a home they will forever remember that ALL of their wedding guests were a part of that...same thing.

I am a white American - but this idea appeals to me.

If when the time comes we sent out invitations without any mention of gifts but in response to inquiries we indicated that cash gifts would be preferred, would this be viewed as tacky or inappropriate? I'd really rather have the money to spend as we would like on our honeymoon, furnishings, towards a downpayment, remodeling, etc.

I have a feeling that many couples just might like this setup better but to reiterate there would be no mention of gifts on the invitation because that would be crass. The weddings that I have attended invariably have a gift registry but I am not sure to what extent this is because couple just follow the usual custom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no bloody "South Asian" way of gift giving in weddings. So don't stereotype. I am Indian, who moved here as an adult and ALL weddings in my family had a "no presents pls" on the wedding card. I think implying in any way how they would like to receive gifts is crass

Does "no presents" mean cash only?

No it means just get your ass to the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Exactly. I didn't want to do a registry at all, preferring not to dictate I'm any way want I wanted. I don't understand how asking for 12 place settings of china at $125 is any more tacky than asking for cash. Either way, there is a expectation that you will spend money on me. If we had been smart we would have returned all the shit we didn't need and hardly ever use for the cash anyway.

And yes, the foot high Thomas Kincaid sculpture we received was super special.

The next best thing to specify on a wedding invite, I guess, would be " include return receipts please" !

OP? OP?

Has Op even responded back to this thread I since the first page??

Why not just call the host and ask, do a google search, or look at previous DCUM posts on this topic?

TROLL.

Looks like this "no boxed gifts" terminology is used for other occasions as well. I don't know if it is South Asians in these other cases because I did not review the threads closely:

Child's birthday party:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/50/435281.page

Baby Shower:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/266161.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did the phrase "boxed gifts" even come from? Who thought it up?

And if you didn't know to post on DCUM to ask about it, how would you even know what it is people are saying when they use the phrase "no boxed gifts"? I would have no idea what this means if I hadn't read it on here.

Google.

Okay, so I'm lazy tonight. Is it very common? This is the only place I've ever seen it. I wouldn't know it existed otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:Where did the phrase "boxed gifts" even come from? Who thought it up?

And if you didn't know to post on DCUM to ask about it, how would you even know what it is people are saying when they use the phrase "no boxed gifts"? I would have no idea what this means if I hadn't read it on here.

Google.

Where did the phrase "boxed gifts" even come from? Who thought it up?

And if you didn't know to post on DCUM to ask about it, how would you even know what it is people are saying when they use the phrase "no boxed gifts"? I would have no idea what this means if I hadn't read it on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As "tacky' as giving cash is, I have never seen anyone who was not delighted to get it as a gift.

For the kajilionty-seventh time: it isn't the giving of cash that is offensive, it's writing on the damn invite that that is the only acceptable gift.

+1

Yep, this is what seems to get overlooked repeatedly.

No, I think it overlooked here, we got it, don't worry
And to be fair - the "no boxed gifts" phrase only says what kind of gifts they DON'T want but it does not explicitly say that they expect cash or ANY gifts for that matter... What is implied is a different story - but they actually never ask for anything... Having a registry (and yes, we got that you "should not include anything about the registry when sending out wedding invitations", don't have to repeat this either) is much more of actually "asking for gifts" than that no phrase is.

I'm not defending the "no" couple - but the problem is here is entirely cultural in nature and they just don't realize how that phrase is perceived by many American invitees. If they knew I bet they would never do it.

I think they knew perfectly well what it means and how it would be perceived and they just didn't care. What other kinds of gifts are there at weddings? "Boxed" is regular presents. So the opposite is cash. Specifying one over the other is most certainly explicitly stating that they expect a gift, and it better be cash. Having a registry that goes unmentioned on or in the invite - as it should go unmentioned! - is far less asking for gifts. And had OP not specified "South Asian" I would have just assumed they were your regular, run of the mill and evidently tacky ass American couple, either native born or assimilated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally, the polite thing to do is to have gifts delivered to the address on the invitation either before or after the wedding. It is difficult to transport gifts on the actual day of the wedding.

China settings and silver frames or candlesticks are not shower gifts, they are traditionally considered wedding gifts.

Wedding gifts have meaning and will remind you of the giver for the rest of you life. We have items that were given to us by family and friends who have since passed away: I like being reminded of people I love when I see those things. Cash, a gift card, or a check could never have the same effect.

I agree.

I received literally nothing of meaning to me. I could not tell you, unless I dug out my old thank you list, who purchased the wine glasses and place setting of china. Or who gave us the ugly-assed crucifix that went straight to Goodwill. Whereas the cash we received enabled us to purchase a lovely antique on our honeymoon that brings me joy every day.

Are you serious? Did you register for the wine glasses and china? If so, why did you register for things that would have no meaning for you? I registered for a set of china that I use everyday. I may not remember every person that bought pieces of it, but I'm grateful to have it everyday.

Different poster here. I received more china than I registered for, so I returned one or two place settings. After MIL cornered me about it, she actually insisted I tell her whose china I returned. Like I kept track? WTF?

I have not read the whole thread but strongly suspect I will be attending the same wedding as the OP. See you soon!