Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hahahaha I LOVE this thread. I'm bookmarking it. Thank you all for being so honest.

I grew up on the "upper spectrum" of the upper middle class, and then we lost a lot of money just before I went to college, though there was still enough money to pay for college and medical school. Adjusting to our new means was rough, but what saved me was a total understated sense of confidence that I had gained from my upbringing. I know that true confidence isn't derived from money, but there's no doubt that money certainly helps when you're learning to accept yourself.

That's part of the reason why I want my kids to go to private school.

Another reason is that I just want them to be comfortable around all the trappings of privilege. Sometimes the most boastful people are those who come from second or third tier private schools or even from public school, and try to posture and establish status by dropping names or boasting about their wealth. I want my kids to be completely unfazed and unimpressed, because they've seen better. And I want them to never, ever boast about it themselves.

I also want them to build networks. It is very hard to crack an elite social circle once you're in the work force. Those bonds tend to form in elementary school.

Yep, if I said any of this shit out loud, I'd be guillotined.

I know you're going to get slammed for your post. I'm going to agree with you, though with some caveats.

I do think money is one part of confidence, and I say this as another poster who comes from money and private schools. I'm not impressed by name dropping, or the college classmate who shoved her Andover schooling into every conversation (hey, my grandfather went there, so what).

But some caveats. First, private school isn't the only place you can get exposed to money, because there's plenty of dough floating around the W public schools and northern VA, and DH is an alumn of one of these places and I've seen the confidence first hand. Same is true about forming connections - some of the area public school grads have gone on to do great things. Second, there can also be some insecurity about whether you've actually "earned" the great college or the job. And third, there's always someone else with more money, more connections, more vacation homes, so unless you're confident about more than just your past schooling, you're still going to be unhappy.

I'm 16:16 (the person you quoted) and I completely agree with this. That's kind of why I also mentioned in my post that true confidence doesn't actually come from money, but having that background helps you on the PATH to accepting yourself. It's a good place to start from, basically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hahahaha I LOVE this thread. I'm bookmarking it. Thank you all for being so honest.

I grew up on the "upper spectrum" of the upper middle class, and then we lost a lot of money just before I went to college, though there was still enough money to pay for college and medical school. Adjusting to our new means was rough, but what saved me was a total understated sense of confidence that I had gained from my upbringing. I know that true confidence isn't derived from money, but there's no doubt that money certainly helps when you're learning to accept yourself.

That's part of the reason why I want my kids to go to private school.

Another reason is that I just want them to be comfortable around all the trappings of privilege. Sometimes the most boastful people are those who come from second or third tier private schools or even from public school, and try to posture and establish status by dropping names or boasting about their wealth. I want my kids to be completely unfazed and unimpressed, because they've seen better. And I want them to never, ever boast about it themselves.

I also want them to build networks. It is very hard to crack an elite social circle once you're in the work force. Those bonds tend to form in elementary school.

Yep, if I said any of this shit out loud, I'd be guillotined.

I know you're going to get slammed for your post. I'm going to agree with you, though with some caveats.

I do think money is one part of confidence, and I say this as another poster who comes from money and private schools. I'm not impressed by name dropping, or the college classmate who shoved her Andover schooling into every conversation (hey, my grandfather went there, so what).

But some caveats. First, private school isn't the only place you can get exposed to money, because there's plenty of dough floating around the W public schools and northern VA, and DH is an alumn of one of these places and I've seen the confidence first hand. Same is true about forming connections - some of the area public school grads have gone on to do great things. Second, there can also be some insecurity about whether you've actually "earned" the great college or the job. And third, there's always someone else with more money, more connections, more vacation homes, so unless you're confident about more than just your past schooling, you're still going to be unhappy.

Anonymous wrote:I think people with lots of money should sent their kids to private schools. I see nothing elitist in it. Plus, they are also helping the economy, and removing the load from public schools. I see nothing wrong in it. Infact, when these ultra-rich kids, with tons of connections, coachs, tutors etc come to public school, they have an unfair advantage. If grades are curved...these kids have an advantage. If they are in private schools, public school kids have a better chance to make it into top colleges.

Anonymous wrote:hahahaha I LOVE this thread. I'm bookmarking it. Thank you all for being so honest.

I grew up on the "upper spectrum" of the upper middle class, and then we lost a lot of money just before I went to college, though there was still enough money to pay for college and medical school. Adjusting to our new means was rough, but what saved me was a total understated sense of confidence that I had gained from my upbringing. I know that true confidence isn't derived from money, but there's no doubt that money certainly helps when you're learning to accept yourself.

That's part of the reason why I want my kids to go to private school.

Another reason is that I just want them to be comfortable around all the trappings of privilege. Sometimes the most boastful people are those who come from second or third tier private schools or even from public school, and try to posture and establish status by dropping names or boasting about their wealth. I want my kids to be completely unfazed and unimpressed, because they've seen better. And I want them to never, ever boast about it themselves.

I also want them to build networks. It is very hard to crack an elite social circle once you're in the work force. Those bonds tend to form in elementary school.

Yep, if I said any of this shit out loud, I'd be guillotined.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never tell this to others but one of the reasons we send DC to an elite private school is b/c we want him to get into the most elite frat, eating club, secret society, etc at an Ivy.

Some of us care about stuff like that.

+100000

And why effin not? Why's it SO horrif if DC does this? Good for you!

It's not horrible but sort of embarrassing too. Lots of people would love to send their kid to an Ivy but most aren't aware there's a pecking order within those schools too. You cannot get into an exclusive club unless you are from an exclusive prep school - not just any private school.

This, this, this. Im the first in my family to go a highly ranked college, and i thought the sky was the limit, when in reality, theres a status hierarchy already waiting for you. I was so clueless looking back. I went to a non-hyp Ivy. The best status marker you could have was being an athlete, as in many schools.

My sense is that prep school kids know more about the status hierarchy among fraternities (i thought they were pretty much all the same). Prep schools can help with athletic recruiting, and give their students a confidence or even arrogance public kids dont have (i saw this difference in law school).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never tell this to others but one of the reasons we send DC to an elite private school is b/c we want him to get into the most elite frat, eating club, secret society, etc at an Ivy.

Some of us care about stuff like that.

+100000

And why effin not? Why's it SO horrif if DC does this? Good for you!

It's not horrible but sort of embarrassing too. Lots of people would love to send their kid to an Ivy but most aren't aware there's a pecking order within those schools too. You cannot get into an exclusive club unless you are from an exclusive prep school - not just any private school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people who have a ton of money think their kids earned a spot at a top school. Schools love the gravy train. If you have enough money, your kids can get in anywhere.

This is simply not true.

Um, yeah it is.

of course it's true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people who have a ton of money think their kids earned a spot at a top school. Schools love the gravy train. If you have enough money, your kids can get in anywhere.

This is simply not true.

Um, yeah it is.

Um not it's not. Depends on what's at stake. Mild mannered obedient law abiding son of a sheik applying to Potomac, with the understanding that a new theater comes with that? Likely yes.

Drug dealing son off a politician-turned-lobbyist who was asked to leave first school (and everyone knows why)? Not. I have direct experience with the latter scenario, times two families. Schools like Sidwell and StA don't have to accept the latter profile, so they don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people who have a ton of money think their kids earned a spot at a top school. Schools love the gravy train. If you have enough money, your kids can get in anywhere.

This is simply not true.

Um, yeah it is.

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people who have a ton of money think their kids earned a spot at a top school. Schools love the gravy train. If you have enough money, your kids can get in anywhere.