Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 14:29     Subject: Predicting spousal support
OP here. Just one kid left and a couple years to go. My top priorities are the kid and cleaning him out.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 13:31     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Husbands and wives cheat, anyone who cheats sucks. Men typically are more likely to cheat. Most people claim their ex (or future ex) is a narcissist, avoid the crutch of the cliche.

Most states have pretty clear rules on how spousal support and child support work, as some people have said to the OP you can look up these calculators.

Talk to at least 3 lawyers. There are lawyers who will be more proactive in trying to find an agreement, others who will be more aggressive to get it done fast, etc. There are a couple of lawyers who are well established for having the "magic calculator" on what terms will be. If you can talk to one of them you'll get a great estimate for $300.

#1 rule is to be absolutely and totally honest with your lawyer. Whatever you hide will bite you in the ass, as it should. Put in YOUR work in the divorce process to give all the needed information, financial asset documents, etc.

Almost all good lawyers know all the tricks, which makes the process go faster.

It's very hard to prove a spouse is cheating. You basically need a p0rn video, texts or emails explicitly confirming the sex, etc.

If you have kids try and have the divorce result in you and your ex being in a place where you can co-parent the best possible.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2026 12:51     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement. [/quote

Well you are obviously a male or a female that did not have children or never cared for your children and never did the hardest job of your life, unpaid. There is no luxury in being a stay at home mom. Unless you have a nanny, house keeper and cook. Don’t be such a dumbas. I hope karma train smacks you right in the face


Of course it's a luxury. Don't be silly or defensive about your choices. Own it.


It’s also a luxury to HAVE a SAH spouse or a spouse who works PT and takes care of all of the household chores and most of the mundane childcare and logistics.

Don’t be defensive about your choices. If you wanted this lifestyle, own it.


And people are willing to PAY for that luxury, but only one set seems to constantly act like it isn't a volitional choice and they are owed the sun, moon and the stars for indulging in such luxury...
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2026 10:05     Subject: Re:Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.


So, if your dad made $300k/yr, you would have been fine with your dad leaving your mom for his secretary and not paying any alimony, even if she had stayed home with you and your siblings for 20 years? You would want your mom to get a job bagging groceries at Wal-mart, and no part of you would have been even slightly irritated with your dad?


My dad stayed home because he had absolutely unrealistic expectations of how the world works. He reluctantly did cooking and some housework because what else would an able bodied adult do sitting at home the whole day? When my mom finally left him, he had to get a low paying job. As a matter of fact, I’d be more than irritated if, as a reward for letting him leech off her for years, she would be forced to provide for him so he’d never had to work again.

While my father was lounging at home, I worked as a housecleaner and have seen many homes on regular days, not when the company is around. Let’s just say that the housekeeping skills of an average SAHM were somewhere around my father’s, so not much value there.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2026 09:52     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement. [/quote

Well you are obviously a male or a female that did not have children or never cared for your children and never did the hardest job of your life, unpaid. There is no luxury in being a stay at home mom. Unless you have a nanny, house keeper and cook. Don’t be such a dumbas. I hope karma train smacks you right in the face


Of course it's a luxury. Don't be silly or defensive about your choices. Own it.


It’s also a luxury to HAVE a SAH spouse or a spouse who works PT and takes care of all of the household chores and most of the mundane childcare and logistics.

Don’t be defensive about your choices. If you wanted this lifestyle, own it.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2026 08:13     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement. [/quote

Well you are obviously a male or a female that did not have children or never cared for your children and never did the hardest job of your life, unpaid. There is no luxury in being a stay at home mom. Unless you have a nanny, house keeper and cook. Don’t be such a dumbas. I hope karma train smacks you right in the face


Of course it's a luxury. Don't be silly or defensive about your choices. Own it.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 20:29     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:Be honest, you didn't really want to work all that much and preferred being home with the kids rather than enduring corporate or office drudgery. It's a totally fine and understandable preference, but own it. You were relieved that husband's high salary could accommodate that lifestyle preference even if it could potentially end up in a result like this. Well, welcome to the result...

Time to start taking accountability for your choices and preferences and, ultimately, life by probably getting a job now rather than fretting too much over a spousal support settlement. [/quote

Well you are obviously a male or a female that did not have children or never cared for your children and never did the hardest job of your life, unpaid. There is no luxury in being a stay at home mom. Unless you have a nanny, house keeper and cook. Don’t be such a dumbas. I hope karma train smacks you right in the face
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 15:52     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?


My ex said this was exactly what he wants for me and that it was my “punishment” for not being a good wife. He said my kids should realize that. By the way. He’s the one who cheated on me and also did other things that caused me to fall out of love. We both wanted the divorce but he was a very high earner.


OP here - can you share how your spousal support ended up?


he fought me hard and I didn’t feel like fighting back. I got a few years of alimony, but it’s only about 10% of what he takes home in pay. I probably could’ve gotten more, but I just didn’t want to fight with him.


Was there a big disparity in your income?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 14:43     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?


My ex said this was exactly what he wants for me and that it was my “punishment” for not being a good wife. He said my kids should realize that. By the way. He’s the one who cheated on me and also did other things that caused me to fall out of love. We both wanted the divorce but he was a very high earner.


OP here - can you share how your spousal support ended up?


he fought me hard and I didn’t feel like fighting back. I got a few years of alimony, but it’s only about 10% of what he takes home in pay. I probably could’ve gotten more, but I just didn’t want to fight with him.


Fair is getting what you can negotiate. You got a fair result.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 14:21     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?


My ex said this was exactly what he wants for me and that it was my “punishment” for not being a good wife. He said my kids should realize that. By the way. He’s the one who cheated on me and also did other things that caused me to fall out of love. We both wanted the divorce but he was a very high earner.


OP here - can you share how your spousal support ended up?


he fought me hard and I didn’t feel like fighting back. I got a few years of alimony, but it’s only about 10% of what he takes home in pay. I probably could’ve gotten more, but I just didn’t want to fight with him.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 11:33     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?


My ex said this was exactly what he wants for me and that it was my “punishment” for not being a good wife. He said my kids should realize that. By the way. He’s the one who cheated on me and also did other things that caused me to fall out of love. We both wanted the divorce but he was a very high earner.


OP here - can you share how your spousal support ended up?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 09:19     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?


My ex said this was exactly what he wants for me and that it was my “punishment” for not being a good wife. He said my kids should realize that. By the way. He’s the one who cheated on me and also did other things that caused me to fall out of love. We both wanted the divorce but he was a very high earner.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 09:14     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Alimony is nit limited to the high earners.

My uncle was military reservist and fed civil servant 40 years ago when he divorced his wife who was also civil service with a similar but lower salary. She still got alimony and he paid child support, and signed over title to the house, all on his salary of $36k/year.

My friend in Maryland is a construction worker foreman and earns about $95k from that. Pays his cheating ex wife who has lived here 20+ years but still can't speak English $3,000/month and child support. That's after tax money ,for him, but she doesn't pay tax on it. He does odd jobs as a handyman to make ends meet. while she lounges all day. Half the time she "can't " pick up their kid from school because she's "busy."


Maryland is difficult to get alimony something doesn't add up here. Some stupid people agree to pay alimony outside courts and then complain at the long term consequences of it
36K salary was a lot 40 years ago.


Oddly Virginia is the opposite. Back breaking alimony for those of us that aren’t high earners


God, I hope so.


Haha. Well, "back-breaking" is relative. A lawyer once told me that, in Virginia, the middle class gets squeezed the hardest. If your spouse is a high earner, they may barely notice the alimony payment. For some of us, it's a much bigger hit.


So maybe it’s just not in cards for these payers to remarry and add new babies. You also have a chance to date or not to date a man who pays alimony

I just parted ways with someone over this


XH is a high earner, but it’s natural to want to minimize the financial hit. He tried to use “what about my next family” as a reason to pay less. His lawyer told him to STFU.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 07:53     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Alimony is nit limited to the high earners.

My uncle was military reservist and fed civil servant 40 years ago when he divorced his wife who was also civil service with a similar but lower salary. She still got alimony and he paid child support, and signed over title to the house, all on his salary of $36k/year.

My friend in Maryland is a construction worker foreman and earns about $95k from that. Pays his cheating ex wife who has lived here 20+ years but still can't speak English $3,000/month and child support. That's after tax money ,for him, but she doesn't pay tax on it. He does odd jobs as a handyman to make ends meet. while she lounges all day. Half the time she "can't " pick up their kid from school because she's "busy."


Maryland is difficult to get alimony something doesn't add up here. Some stupid people agree to pay alimony outside courts and then complain at the long term consequences of it
36K salary was a lot 40 years ago.


Oddly Virginia is the opposite. Back breaking alimony for those of us that aren’t high earners


God, I hope so.


Haha. Well, "back-breaking" is relative. A lawyer once told me that, in Virginia, the middle class gets squeezed the hardest. If your spouse is a high earner, they may barely notice the alimony payment. For some of us, it's a much bigger hit.


So maybe it’s just not in cards for these payers to remarry and add new babies. You also have a chance to date or not to date a man who pays alimony

I just parted ways with someone over this
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2026 07:32     Subject: Predicting spousal support
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Alimony is nit limited to the high earners.

My uncle was military reservist and fed civil servant 40 years ago when he divorced his wife who was also civil service with a similar but lower salary. She still got alimony and he paid child support, and signed over title to the house, all on his salary of $36k/year.

My friend in Maryland is a construction worker foreman and earns about $95k from that. Pays his cheating ex wife who has lived here 20+ years but still can't speak English $3,000/month and child support. That's after tax money ,for him, but she doesn't pay tax on it. He does odd jobs as a handyman to make ends meet. while she lounges all day. Half the time she "can't " pick up their kid from school because she's "busy."


Maryland is difficult to get alimony something doesn't add up here. Some stupid people agree to pay alimony outside courts and then complain at the long term consequences of it
36K salary was a lot 40 years ago.


Oddly Virginia is the opposite. Back breaking alimony for those of us that aren’t high earners


God, I hope so.


Haha. Well, "back-breaking" is relative. A lawyer once told me that, in Virginia, the middle class gets squeezed the hardest. If your spouse is a high earner, they may barely notice the alimony payment. For some of us, it's a much bigger hit.