Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:07     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.



Sounds like you needed to communicate your expectations more clearly. AKA kid must be in his room and asleep before you can enjoy time with your friends. But if you don't actually enforce strict bedtime rules, hard to see what he did wrong other than the kid needed to be in his own room. If he knew you were planning to zoom in the BR, I would have been annoyed too (though not to the point of screaming at him in front of his friends).
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:04     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.

I like you to not be offended by all the bullshit here.
Hope your compromise works out.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:02     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:Consistency is one of the things mentioned most often here when kids are having problem sleeping. But asking a dad to follow through and be consistent is considered rigid. It’s baffling how that works.

Yep. And the amount of people insisting that screens at bedtime is perfectly harmless is insane. It’s literally the worst thing to do right before bed.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:02     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
22 pages of complete stupidity.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:01     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.



Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.



Hopefully OP has settled down and can see she overreacted, then get to the bottom of what's really bothering her.


And hopefully husband has claimed his responsibility in it as well. It wasn’t a one sided issue.



Actually in this case it was. He literally did nothing wrong. Child was settled and would have fallen asleep, and probably enjoyed the extra treat of being in mommy and daddy's bed. Was not disrupting OP's time with her friends. What's the offense? Be specific.



Good luck getting an answer that makes any sense.





Look. This isn’t my issue, but I get why she is upset because I have the ability to empathize with other people.

1) The only reason it’s a one off to not put the child to bed is because OP does it regularly.
2). It’s passive aggressive behavior on the part of her DH who didn’t want to give up part his plans in favor of hers.
3). It minimizes the work that she typically does getting the child to bed. If this is all that needs to be done, then there was no reason for her to spend time reading stories to her child or putting him to bed in his own bed.





Clarity. Thank you.


. Anytime.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 15:01     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.



Okay, DH didn't think that through but couldn't you simply move him to his room with the Youtube and go on your merry way? Or politely ask DH to handle that? Did you expect DH to sit with him for however many hours it took for him to fall asleep and give up his plans? A little unreasonable in my view but if so, you should simply have told him that. Lastly, do you still feel yelling at him in front of his friends was commensurate with the offense?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:58     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When your partner asks for help, notice. If they’ve been giving you free and clear private time offer the same.


Agreed.



He did. Kid was fine. Her call was not being disrupted. Kid would have fallen asleep if she had let him be and not freaked out.



^^^ but that would have meant her accepting the fact that DH handled bedtime routine differently than she prefers, which seems to be the crux of this.



Just out of curiosity, do you all do this at work too? Like if you say that you are going to attend a meeting in someone’s place, do you actually just leave a voicemail saying your co-worker can’t make it?

Or do you just do this with your families?




Oh great, here we go with the poor analogies.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:57     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:57     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.



Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.


This. Kind of stunning that OP ruined both her husband’s call AND didn’t even get on her own call over this non-issue. Talk about an overreaction.



I think it's obvious OP has resentments that run deeper than this one tiny thing. Even though I think her overreaction was uncalled for and embarrassing to them both, seems like they need to have a good mature talk about their partnership moving forward. Including how to get her needs met, whatever they may be, and how to handle differences in a mature and civilized manner.



Yes, this. What I took out of this is extremely poor communication that resulted in OP lapsing into temporary lunacy. I get that a difficult child's bedtime routine can become a kind of tyranny to the whole family, and DH needs to pull his weight most of the time, but the overreaction to what seems to be a one-off was a bit much.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:57     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:So. Much. Gaslighting.


Amazed it took so long for one of you harpies to pull this one out of the bag.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:55     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When your partner asks for help, notice. If they’ve been giving you free and clear private time offer the same.


Agreed.



He did. Kid was fine. Her call was not being disrupted. Kid would have fallen asleep if she had let him be and not freaked out.



^^^ but that would have meant her accepting the fact that DH handled bedtime routine differently than she prefers, which seems to be the crux of this.



Just out of curiosity, do you all do this at work too? Like if you say that you are going to attend a meeting in someone’s place, do you actually just leave a voicemail saying your co-worker can’t make it?

Or do you just do this with your families?

Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:53     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.



Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.


This. Kind of stunning that OP ruined both her husband’s call AND didn’t even get on her own call over this non-issue. Talk about an overreaction.



I think it's obvious OP has resentments that run deeper than this one tiny thing. Even though I think her overreaction was uncalled for and embarrassing to them both, seems like they need to have a good mature talk about their partnership moving forward. Including how to get her needs met, whatever they may be, and how to handle differences in a mature and civilized manner.



There are two possibilities here. 1) OP's lashing out is entirely about DH not following her parenting handbook, even though no harm or even inconvenience was caused. 2) She's angry about other things and using this one small thing as a pretext to express the anger that's been building for a while.

Although option 1 is possible, I'm going with option 2.



I agree this is the most likely scenario. But since OP didn't give any broader context about their relationship, hard to know. If he usually helps with the challenging kid's bedtime routine (OP doesn't say one way or the other), and chose not to give up his evening to focus on it this one time, it was silly to make a huge deal about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:48     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.



Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.



Hopefully OP has settled down and can see she overreacted, then get to the bottom of what's really bothering her.


And hopefully husband has claimed his responsibility in it as well. It wasn’t a one sided issue.



Actually in this case it was. He literally did nothing wrong. Child was settled and would have fallen asleep, and probably enjoyed the extra treat of being in mommy and daddy's bed. Was not disrupting OP's time with her friends. What's the offense? Be specific.



Good luck getting an answer that makes any sense.





Look. This isn’t my issue, but I get why she is upset because I have the ability to empathize with other people.

1) The only reason it’s a one off to not put the child to bed is because OP does it regularly.
2). It’s passive aggressive behavior on the part of her DH who didn’t want to give up part his plans in favor of hers.
3). It minimizes the work that she typically does getting the child to bed. If this is all that needs to be done, then there was no reason for her to spend time reading stories to her child or putting him to bed in his own bed.





Clarity. Thank you.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:48     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.



Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.


This. Kind of stunning that OP ruined both her husband’s call AND didn’t even get on her own call over this non-issue. Talk about an overreaction.



I think it's obvious OP has resentments that run deeper than this one tiny thing. Even though I think her overreaction was uncalled for and embarrassing to them both, seems like they need to have a good mature talk about their partnership moving forward. Including how to get her needs met, whatever they may be, and how to handle differences in a mature and civilized manner.



There are two possibilities here. 1) OP's lashing out is entirely about DH not following her parenting handbook, even though no harm or even inconvenience was caused. 2) She's angry about other things and using this one small thing as a pretext to express the anger that's been building for a while.

Although option 1 is possible, I'm going with option 2.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 14:47     Subject: DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began
Consistency is one of the things mentioned most often here when kids are having problem sleeping. But asking a dad to follow through and be consistent is considered rigid. It’s baffling how that works.