Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my dilemma:

Wife and I have been married for 13 years. When we were dating, we both said we wanted a big family. After we got married, we ran into some fertility issues that we did not know about prior to getting married. She needed help to get pregnant and when she finally did and our son was born, I was content and did not want anymore kids. I did not tell her that. She made it clear that she wanted to have another child even though we had fertility issues and would need help again. She said that instead of the big family we agreed to prior to getting married, she would settle for having two children total. I was not on board with that because I was ok with just the one child. I decided to just "wait and see" if she would change her mind but she still wanted another child and the topic continued to come up over five years. When our son was three, she brought it up to me and told me she was ready to try again soon. I told her that I do not want anymore kids and she told me that she wishes I had told her when our child was younger (he's 5 now) because now she's older and she could have had the choice to move on with her life and have a child. I guilty and backed into a corner and told her fine, I just want her to be happy and we can try again. We would go back and forth over this for the next two years, with me agreeing and then changing my mind several times. Fast forward to the other day and now I have changed my mind and definitely do NOT want to go forward with having another child. She told me she feels betrayed and that I should have just told her the truth from the beginning and she also feels like I jerked her around by going back and forth over this as she continued to get older, with her fertility decreasing. She said that we are not on the same page anymore and that we should go our separate ways so she can have the chance to have another child while she still has some chance of conceiving. Why is it this extreme? Why can't she just move on from it and accept that we have one child and that's enough for me? Why should we break up our family over this? Do I not have the right to change my mind?

So I guess your wife considers your existing child dog sh!t? Doesn't matter that it is best for him to have an intact family. It is all about her and what she wants.

Your wife sounds selfish and it is a blessing from above that she can't collect any more children. Infertility for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:Here's my dilemma:

Wife and I have been married for 13 years. When we were dating, we both said we wanted a big family. After we got married, we ran into some fertility issues that we did not know about prior to getting married. She needed help to get pregnant and when she finally did and our son was born, I was content and did not want anymore kids. I did not tell her that. She made it clear that she wanted to have another child even though we had fertility issues and would need help again. She said that instead of the big family we agreed to prior to getting married, she would settle for having two children total. I was not on board with that because I was ok with just the one child. I decided to just "wait and see" if she would change her mind but she still wanted another child and the topic continued to come up over five years. When our son was three, she brought it up to me and told me she was ready to try again soon. I told her that I do not want anymore kids and she told me that she wishes I had told her when our child was younger (he's 5 now) because now she's older and she could have had the choice to move on with her life and have a child. I guilty and backed into a corner and told her fine, I just want her to be happy and we can try again. We would go back and forth over this for the next two years, with me agreeing and then changing my mind several times. Fast forward to the other day and now I have changed my mind and definitely do NOT want to go forward with having another child. She told me she feels betrayed and that I should have just told her the truth from the beginning and she also feels like I jerked her around by going back and forth over this as she continued to get older, with her fertility decreasing. She said that we are not on the same page anymore and that we should go our separate ways so she can have the chance to have another child while she still has some chance of conceiving. Why is it this extreme? Why can't she just move on from it and accept that we have one child and that's enough for me? Why should we break up our family over this? Do I not have the right to change my mind?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I was very happy with two and my wife wanted three. We were stuck and then I realized that it is her body and that she was the primary care giver. We had a third and I'm glad we did.

Her body but your wallet. She may want a third but she will also want YOU to provide money and time to care for it. There is more to the issue than "her body her choice" because care and raising of a child will require your labor and body as well. Men should and do have a choice in these matters. Just like a woman an veto a child through abortion a man can and should veto a child by not conceiving one.

PP - money was not an issue and never came up in our discussions. I wasn't adamantly opposed and she adamantly wanted a third so it wasn't really a tied vote.

Anonymous wrote:She really played you with the mind games. There was no betrayal. Maybe you simply changed your mind or were never fully sure. You have the ability to "evolve" in your wants, desires, thinking, etc. To say that is betrayal is simply manipulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I was very happy with two and my wife wanted three. We were stuck and then I realized that it is her body and that she was the primary care giver. We had a third and I'm glad we did.

Her body but your wallet. She may want a third but she will also want YOU to provide money and time to care for it. There is more to the issue than "her body her choice" because care and raising of a child will require your labor and body as well. Men should and do have a choice in these matters. Just like a woman an veto a child through abortion a man can and should veto a child by not conceiving one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here - I was very happy with two and my wife wanted three. We were stuck and then I realized that it is her body and that she was the primary care giver. We had a third and I'm glad we did.

Her body but your wallet. She may want a third but she will also want YOU to provide money and time to care for it. There is more to the issue than "her body her choice" because care and raising of a child will require your labor and body as well. Men should and do have a choice in these matters. Just like a woman an veto a child through abortion a man can and should veto a child by not conceiving one.