DCUM Forum

Anonymous

03/23/2018 08:30 Subject: wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want your husband's name? Great.
You want to keep your current name? Great.
You want to pick a whole new name? Great.

Non-issue in my mind.

I didn't take my husband's last name because I liked mine better. And he didn't have strong feelings about it. I would have preferred if we'd both changed to a new name so we could have had a family name, but he did not want to do that.

Wow. That's pissing me off this morning. I just want to write F* you, husband. And it's been years upon years that we've been married. But now my kids have his last name and it's a lame last name.

Ok but we all judge you as either difficult or the step mom

OK, although I don't see why. A stepmom might actually be more likely to have the same last name as the step kids. Difficult? Because I have a different last name from my kids? You judging me on my name reflects more on you than on me.

Anonymous

03/23/2018 08:28 Subject: wife keeps her name

For every time you call us insecure, we can call you entitled and delusional for thinking men want to marry you and let you give the kids your last name

Anonymous

03/23/2018 08:20 Subject: wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My comment was snarky yes but I really see that as the defining aspect of it being my family vs just a baby daddy.

If the wife doesn't have my name and the kids don't have my name, the who the hell am I?

No one, obviously. Everyone knows you cannot possibly be a husband or father unless you all share the same name.

Seriously, no one can be this insecure, right?

Except all the women on this board.

Come now, we all know who’s being insecure on this board. It’s the guy who has imbued his last name with all the powers of his masculinity.

Anonymous

03/23/2018 08:17 Subject: wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:You want your husband's name? Great.
You want to keep your current name? Great.
You want to pick a whole new name? Great.

Non-issue in my mind.

I didn't take my husband's last name because I liked mine better. And he didn't have strong feelings about it. I would have preferred if we'd both changed to a new name so we could have had a family name, but he did not want to do that.

Wow. That's pissing me off this morning. I just want to write F* you, husband. And it's been years upon years that we've been married. But now my kids have his last name and it's a lame last name.

Ok but we all judge you as either difficult or the step mom

Anonymous

03/23/2018 07:36 Subject: wife keeps her name

You want your husband's name? Great.
You want to keep your current name? Great.
You want to pick a whole new name? Great.

Non-issue in my mind.

I didn't take my husband's last name because I liked mine better. And he didn't have strong feelings about it. I would have preferred if we'd both changed to a new name so we could have had a family name, but he did not want to do that.

Wow. That's pissing me off this morning. I just want to write F* you, husband. And it's been years upon years that we've been married. But now my kids have his last name and it's a lame last name.

Anonymous

03/22/2018 22:42 Subject: Re:wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s all of DC, especially upper class DC.
How did this generate 20 pages in 2018?

Skilled 4chan trolls

Tumblr feminists

Anonymous

03/22/2018 22:33 Subject: wife keeps her name

Bitches always be trippin!

Anonymous

03/22/2018 22:00 Subject: wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My comment was snarky yes but I really see that as the defining aspect of it being my family vs just a baby daddy.

If the wife doesn't have my name and the kids don't have my name, the who the hell am I?

No one, obviously. Everyone knows you cannot possibly be a husband or father unless you all share the same name.

Seriously, no one can be this insecure, right?

Except all the women on this board.

Anonymous

03/22/2018 21:49 Subject: Re:wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:It’s all of DC, especially upper class DC.
How did this generate 20 pages in 2018?

Skilled 4chan trolls

Anonymous

03/22/2018 21:47 Subject: Re:wife keeps her name

It’s all of DC, especially upper class DC.
How did this generate 20 pages in 2018?

Anonymous

03/22/2018 21:05 Subject: wife keeps her name

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's very simple, really. Leadership is a service and a responsibility. It does not imply one person is better than the other. Does being a parent imply the parent is better than the child? And no, I am in no way implying that a husband is the parent of a wife, which would be a very large power imbalance.

Functioning systems all have some measure of hierarchy. Grow up, really. Or go live in a commune where everyone has exactly the same role and responsibilities and see how that works out for you.

DP. Leadership implies that one person is the leader and one is the follower. It's an odd dynamic to have in a marriage. Now, it's true that in most marriages, one person is the "leader" in certain areas of daily life, but not in ALL things. One person might take the lead on finances, the other might take the lead on education for the kids, etc. But it sounds like your DH is the leader in every respect when it comes to your marriage and family. That means you are the follower. It's a very old-fashioned way to approach marriage. Why can't you ALSO be a leader in some respects? It's not mutually exclusive. I also wonder what kind of example you are setting for your children. How can you ever expect them, especially any daughters you may have, to become leaders when you are deferring that role to your DH?

I think you are imagining that I meant something a lot more old fashioned than I in fact meant. I don't think a man having HOH status (along with his wife and kids taking his last name) suggests that he gets to make all the decisions all the time. But it does indicate ultimate responsibility for the family. For example, my husband's job is the "big" job. It determined where we would live, and he spends a lot more time on it than I spend on my job. This "privilege" comes with responsibility. He manages his career in large part according to the needs of the family. He wouldn't travel around unnecessarily to our detriment. He wouldn't take a new role somewhere that wouldn't be good for us. He wouldn't ratchet down on a whim because we have financial goals as a family. This is a lot of pressure and responsibility, and I, for one, am damn grateful that I don't have it on my shoulders.

Now, if I had a very ambitious and talented daughter who herself wanted (and showed talent for) a "big" job, I would encourage it. But this is rare, even though it might not seem so to you if you live within a tiny subpopulation of self-selected over achievers.

Maybe you don't encounter many talented and ambitious women in the self-selected enclave of 1950's housewives from which you hail, but I've known many such women from different areas of the country and all walks of life. I also know plenty of women who don't hold big jobs. Regardless of their job status, none of the women I know have passed "ultimate responsibility" for their families to their husbands. They are more than happy to step up to the plate to take care of their families in whatever capacity is needed, even if that means they have to shoulder some pressure and responsibility.