Anonymous wrote:Bear in mind that so-called “total cost” is really just a starting point at the most elite private schools. Top private schools are often quite diverse, but the social scene self-segregates into the haves and have nots. Your upper middle class DC may not enjoy being among the “have nots,” but keeping up with the “haves” may entail expensive journeys abroad, pricey weekend excursions, clubs and clothes.

That wasn't DC's experience at a USNWR top 5. We're upper middle class, so no FA and the school didn't offer merit aid (we saved a lot of the tuition and DC got out of there with under $20k in student loans). Sure there was a small percent of super-rich kids, many foreign, who went on pricey trips and to clubs every weekend--but not everyone wants to travel in that crowd anyway, DC sure didn't but was often invited to their on-campus parties or to parties at the in-town apartments their parents bought them. The school newspaper occasionally carried stories about full FA kids who often couldn't afford to go out for pizza--that does sound tough and uncomfortable. But the majority of kids were UMC just like DC and socializing was never a problem.

I guess I'm saying, if you're UMC, your kid won't have a problem unless your DC really wants to hang with the 5% of kids who go to Killington every weekend--in which case it's time to have a talk with your kid. If your kid is on FA, you may want to talk about whether the social sacrifices (can't go out with other kids once or multiple times a week) are worth the great education, and I can see different kids coming out on different sides of this issue for different good reasons.

Bear in mind that so-called “total cost” is really just a starting point at the most elite private schools. Top private schools are often quite diverse, but the social scene self-segregates into the haves and have nots. Your upper middle class DC may not enjoy being among the “have nots,” but keeping up with the “haves” may entail expensive journeys abroad, pricey weekend excursions, clubs and clothes.

Anonymous wrote:We're a donut hole family.

DD was not allowed to apply to any schools that didn't offer Merit Aid. Her guidance counselor was appalled, but we said no. She's at a perfectly nice, no-name SLAC that gave her a hefty scholarship, and she's happy. There are lots of nice, smart, talented kids at her school, most of them there because of the very generous merit aid and FA the school offers to lure them away from the much more selective, big-name schools.

The big name colleges and universities are no longer filled with the best and the brightest because they've priced themselves too high for the best and the brightest. Only the rich and the brightest may attend those schools. Or poorest and brightest, but no one in the middle unless they are willing to take on massive amounts of debt, which no intelligent person would do.

This is exactly what I think. I went to a top school. For years I dreamed of my kids going there but then the tuition kept sky-rocketing and the caliber of the students at the school became much more erratic. At the same time, lots of bright, motivated kids (that would make great peers to study with) are flocking to public colleges.

So, we moved to Virginia and set up prepaid college funds. If my kids get merit aid (or any other kind of financial help), they can consider whatever they want. Otherwise, they can get a great public education and they will never have to help their parents financially, will not have any undergrad loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Faced this choice a few months ago with DC. 3 top 20 schools at somewhere between 60-74k per year. Versus a Big 10 school that is in top tier of DC's major with significant merit money. Chose the Big 10 but it was hard at the time. Now, I'm sure it was the right thing.

Decision day was a hard one for ME as a parent because my son had to turn down many "name" schools, many of which were generous with merit but that we were still priced out of with our HHI just shy of $200K. And he did not "settle" for a flagship or Big 10; his choice was a smaller, non-flagship state school. It was actually the school that he liked best throughout the search and application process but not nearly as competitive or with the storied "name value" as the other schools he'd been accepted to. But despite my period of mourning over the idea of him attending some famous place, he is very, very happy where he is. By no means was his choice a consolation prize; it happens to be his perfect fit in every way including financially.

We had the same experience. DD was accepted at some "name" schools last year, but turned them down because no FA and none of the selective colleges offer merit aid. The school she attends is no name, but she loves it, is very happy, has great friends, great experiences there. And she got a great summer internship, so we don't feel the school was a compromise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a donut hole family.

DD was not allowed to apply to any schools that didn't offer Merit Aid. Her guidance counselor was appalled, but we said no. She's at a perfectly nice, no-name SLAC that gave her a hefty scholarship, and she's happy. There are lots of nice, smart, talented kids at her school, most of them there because of the very generous merit aid and FA the school offers to lure them away from the much more selective, big-name schools.

The big name colleges and universities are no longer filled with the best and the brightest because they've priced themselves too high for the best and the brightest. Only the rich and the brightest may attend those schools. Or poorest and brightest, but no one in the middle unless they are willing to take on massive amounts of debt, which no intelligent person would do.

Do you think she had a realistic chance at a top 15? If not, then you made the right decision.

Could you insert any more snark into your comment?

Anonymous wrote:Faced this choice a few months ago with DC. 3 top 20 schools at somewhere between 60-74k per year. Versus a Big 10 school that is in top tier of DC's major with significant merit money. Chose the Big 10 but it was hard at the time. Now, I'm sure it was the right thing.

Decision day was a hard one for ME as a parent because my son had to turn down many "name" schools, many of which were generous with merit but that we were still priced out of with our HHI just shy of $200K. And he did not "settle" for a flagship or Big 10; his choice was a smaller, non-flagship state school. It was actually the school that he liked best throughout the search and application process but not nearly as competitive or with the storied "name value" as the other schools he'd been accepted to. But despite my period of mourning over the idea of him attending some famous place, he is very, very happy where he is. By no means was his choice a consolation prize; it happens to be his perfect fit in every way including financially.

Anonymous wrote:We're a donut hole family.

DD was not allowed to apply to any schools that didn't offer Merit Aid. Her guidance counselor was appalled, but we said no. She's at a perfectly nice, no-name SLAC that gave her a hefty scholarship, and she's happy. There are lots of nice, smart, talented kids at her school, most of them there because of the very generous merit aid and FA the school offers to lure them away from the much more selective, big-name schools.

The big name colleges and universities are no longer filled with the best and the brightest because they've priced themselves too high for the best and the brightest. Only the rich and the brightest may attend those schools. Or poorest and brightest, but no one in the middle unless they are willing to take on massive amounts of debt, which no intelligent person would do.

Do you think she had a realistic chance at a top 15? If not, then you made the right decision.

We're a donut hole family.

DD was not allowed to apply to any schools that didn't offer Merit Aid. Her guidance counselor was appalled, but we said no. She's at a perfectly nice, no-name SLAC that gave her a hefty scholarship, and she's happy. There are lots of nice, smart, talented kids at her school, most of them there because of the very generous merit aid and FA the school offers to lure them away from the much more selective, big-name schools.

The big name colleges and universities are no longer filled with the best and the brightest because they've priced themselves too high for the best and the brightest. Only the rich and the brightest may attend those schools. Or poorest and brightest, but no one in the middle unless they are willing to take on massive amounts of debt, which no intelligent person would do.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose son was accepted to Columbia, but not offered any scholarships or financial aid. Including room and board the cost would be $70,000 a year. Instead he will be going to UVA. If this were my kid, I think I'd be willing to take on the debt to pay for this, although I'm certainly not passing judgement on his parents for not doing so. Are there other families who would be willing to pay full price for a school like Columbia even though it would severely hurt to take on this type of debt?

No, no, no, no.

My two older kids were accepted at "top" highly selective SLACS, but both are attending local colleges entirely because of finances. Both got generous scholarships from local schools. The "top" schools offered nothing. I'd never take on debt to send my kids to a "top" school. No, no, no, no.

Oh, and I attended an Ivy. So did DH. But no Ivies for our kids. Too expensive.

We'd be willing to take on some debt depending on the college choice scenario. If DC choices were U MD or Harvard and DC wanted to attend Harvard, we'd try our hardest to make it happen.

Anonymous wrote:The next time somebody on the private school forum complains about the low rates of public school kids going to Ivies and says it's a reflection on public schools, I'm going to link to this thread.

I find the point about taking on massive student debt to be the most compelling.

My guess is that private school families, who are already paying $40k per kid per years, find $70k at an Ivy to be less of a stretch, and less likely to involve massive student loans.

For public school kids,

+1

Many, MANY highly-qualified kids from "donut-hole" families do not even apply to top-tier schools. Admissions to elite colleges and universities are not a litmus test for the quality of the student, or his/her school.

The next time somebody on the private school forum complains about the low rates of public school kids going to Ivies and says it's a reflection on public schools, I'm going to link to this thread.

I find the point about taking on massive student debt to be the most compelling.

My guess is that private school families, who are already paying $40k per kid per years, find $70k at an Ivy to be less of a stretch, and less likely to involve massive student loans.

For public school kids,

Yes, to a top 10 school!

Anonymous wrote:Faced this choice a few months ago with DC. 3 top 20 schools at somewhere between 60-74k per year. Versus a Big 10 school that is in top tier of DC's major with significant merit money. Chose the Big 10 but it was hard at the time. Now, I'm sure it was the right thing.

Same here. DS turned down a couple top 20 SLACs, including one with $20K per year merit money, for UVA. Wish he could've attended either but it just made no sense financially once he was accepted at UVA.

Faced this choice a few months ago with DC. 3 top 20 schools at somewhere between 60-74k per year. Versus a Big 10 school that is in top tier of DC's major with significant merit money. Chose the Big 10 but it was hard at the time. Now, I'm sure it was the right thing.