Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every mom (and dads too) I know is seeking some sort of balance. Those that are SAH struggle to maintain their sense of identity and not lose their minds day after day dealing with toddlers and babies (I don't know about older kids SAHPs because I am in the young kid stage myself). Those that WOH are trying to find time to have quality time with their kids and have some semblance of personal life. I don't know anyone in real life that is resentful toward other people making different choices than they are - we all know there are a million different factors that go into what decisions women make. If they are married or not, what job their spouse has and how much the spouse makes, how many kids they have, what their kids' individual needs are, how much money they make if they're working, how much day care/nannies cost, ability to work part-time or not, future career aspirations, health care options, plus individual temperament and sense of purpose and interests.

+1 I've been SAH, WAH PT, WOH PT, and now WOH FT. DH used to WOH FT but now mostly WAH FT. Different solutions have worked at different times. There is no one size fits all. Parents are different, kids are different, work situations, support, financials, health, etc. all differ between families and within a particular family over time. It's ridiculous to judge that there is one "best" way to do it. We're all just doing our best.

I'll admit I did used to think it was a poor choice to be a SAH parent with kids in ES and above. Mainly because my mom did that until my siblings and I were in HS and she was depressed and lonely. But other SAH moms aren't her and have different needs, family requirements, temperaments, social outlets, etc. I have a number of SAH parent friends now with kids in ES-HS. Generally, they have continued to SAH because they are dealing with some combination of child health issues, aging parent caregiving issues, a working spouse who works long/inflexible hours and/or lots of travel, desire to support an intense level of extracurriculars for their children, inability to find a job that fits their qualifications and they feel is worth it financially vs. the aspects of their SAH life they would have to give up/pay someone else to do, or they just don't need the money and enjoy their life the way it is (just as 'valid" a reason as any other!). I figure everyone is making the best choices for them in their particular situation and if it doesn't affect me, it's none of my business!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some jealous there. In the DC area, one partner has to be making a lot of money to enable the other to stay home and still maintain a nice lifestyle (nice house in a close in nabe, vacations, nice cars, pricey extracurricular activities for the kiddos, maybe private school, etc.)

To have an UMC lifestyle with a SAHP, the breadwinner has to be making 300-400k +.

On my end its less jealous and more...disbelief. I was raised to be independent and to own my own financials. When I went into my marriage I was comfortably set in a career and had two properties free-and-clear. That only helped when we made future decisions together to buy our 'dream' home. It boggles my mind that some women will rely solely on another person's generosity to live their life.

It disturbs me even further when these same women, some of them friends, were die-hard Hillary fans and very much into telling their daughters that 'this will be the first woman president, someone to look up to, someone to emulate' and yet the closest rolemodel to those daughters completely opted out of a career. How can you tell your children to aspire to be the head of NASA or a president or a multi-millionaire CEO, but you didn't bother to do anything yourself?

Not relying on someone's generosity. I, along with my husband, decided together how to structure our lives. If you can't trust your spouse, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

NP she never needed to trust anybody , unlike you she had her shit together with or without a husband . Try some reading comprehension , you might like it .

You should take your own advice!!

Says the woman whose vagina is her meal ticket . Hopefully that husband , I mean ATM of yours doesn't trade you for a younger model once your SAHM gig is up. Unlike you, I happen to have handled mine without having to use my vagina as a bargaining chip . It's always interesting and amusing when I have to interview women like you .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel a lot of ambivalence towards SAH moms, because it's always SAH moms and not SAH parents. It's totally fine if one parent wants to step back from their career and focus on the family (and is often very good for the family!), but there is still a lot of social pressure for women to step into that role that men to not receive. When I got married in my mid 20s, I heard questions about whether I was going to step back when we had kids, whether I was going to take a lower prestige/lower pressure job so my husband could focus on his career and I could the raise kids, etc. Why didn't anyone ask my husband whether he was going to step back his career ambitions to start a family years before kids were even in the picture?

Until it's seen as an equally acceptable/normal path for men (and men decide to SAH in equal numbers), it will always be a choice that is colored by gender politics. Even if it's the best choice for your family, it still is a choice that was influenced by societal norms that women have been trying to crack for decades.

And you think anything else isn't? Come on. You sound really naive here. We are all historical actors. No one is operating completely free of our time period's mores and values.

And yet plenty of people choose to. Even more elect to not regress back into the mores and values that our predecessors fought so hard to break us free of.