Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:38     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.


That's crazy! With 7 kids, that's probably the only way it could have worked out. You can't really leave a marriage with 7 kids.


Maybe. But I have no respect for a person who ask their spouse to cut off another child, no matter how the child came to being. That is some nastiness right there.


There was a lot of nastiness. The nastiest was the father, then the OW, then the mother of the 7 kids who puts her brain into pure survival mode.


Yeah, the mother of 7 is BY FAR the best person, morally, in the situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:37     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.


Child support for 7 kids would be bananas, esp. since with the divorce the mother would presumably have to go back to work and at least a few of them would be in daycare/aftercare.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:36     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.


That's crazy! With 7 kids, that's probably the only way it could have worked out. You can't really leave a marriage with 7 kids.


Maybe. But I have no respect for a person who ask their spouse to cut off another child, no matter how the child came to being. That is some nastiness right there.


There was a lot of nastiness. The nastiest was the father, then the OW, then the mother of the 7 kids who puts her brain into pure survival mode.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:36     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
She doesn't care about your respect, PP. She cares about her seven children to raise and educate.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:23     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.


That's crazy! With 7 kids, that's probably the only way it could have worked out. You can't really leave a marriage with 7 kids.


Maybe. But I have no respect for a person who ask their spouse to cut off another child, no matter how the child came to being. That is some nastiness right there.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:16     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.


That's crazy! With 7 kids, that's probably the only way it could have worked out. You can't really leave a marriage with 7 kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 14:14     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Was talking about this thread with a friend who said that the exact same thing happened in her family. Her parents had SEVEN kids, and her father became distant. He was having an affair, and the woman got pregnant, and expected to control him. He actually left his wife to be with this woman. Then the lawyers got together to discuss the divorce, and he realized that he would lose "everything". So he scrambled back and begged his wife to take him back. She had kids ages 2-16. She took him back, but only with the condition that he cut off all, ALL, contact with the other woman and the child. Fast forward 35 years, they are happily married.
My friend said that a divorce would have been expensive and acrimonious. Her siblings would not have stood a chance of college at all. The other child did get support until age 18. Yes, "unfair", but in this case, more kids (7) were better off. One child, was worse off.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 12:03     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sure your mind resists seeing is that way but if your husband has to pay child support and spend time with the other child, then your children most certainly ARE in competition for time and money as finite resources. They are getting less than they could have, without a real benefit of a sibling. Whatever goes to the other child is taken away from them. That's fact, not spin.

As for the kids being loved and cared for, you can make that same argument for the baby of a single mother. He'd still be loved and cared for, even if the father is absent or almost absent.


I am the child of an acrimonious divorce. It has made me believe that the primary thing that hurts kids is their parents treating each other badly. I have a great relationship with my dad who didn't live in my house growing up. But my relationship with both of them has been damaged by how they've treated each other over the years and how they put me in the middle.

That informs my position of course. But I'm pretty committed to trying to be that person if a situation like this (god forbid) arises.


Are they remarried? Why all the hate after number of years?


Why is that relevant to this conversation? Yes both were remarried. One is now a widow but both second marriages were successful. They just really hated each other. And no no one cheated.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 10:52     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sure your mind resists seeing is that way but if your husband has to pay child support and spend time with the other child, then your children most certainly ARE in competition for time and money as finite resources. They are getting less than they could have, without a real benefit of a sibling. Whatever goes to the other child is taken away from them. That's fact, not spin.

As for the kids being loved and cared for, you can make that same argument for the baby of a single mother. He'd still be loved and cared for, even if the father is absent or almost absent.


I am the child of an acrimonious divorce. It has made me believe that the primary thing that hurts kids is their parents treating each other badly. I have a great relationship with my dad who didn't live in my house growing up. But my relationship with both of them has been damaged by how they've treated each other over the years and how they put me in the middle.

That informs my position of course. But I'm pretty committed to trying to be that person if a situation like this (god forbid) arises.


Are they remarried? Why all the hate after number of years?
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 10:26     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:I'm sure your mind resists seeing is that way but if your husband has to pay child support and spend time with the other child, then your children most certainly ARE in competition for time and money as finite resources. They are getting less than they could have, without a real benefit of a sibling. Whatever goes to the other child is taken away from them. That's fact, not spin.

As for the kids being loved and cared for, you can make that same argument for the baby of a single mother. He'd still be loved and cared for, even if the father is absent or almost absent.


I am the child of an acrimonious divorce. It has made me believe that the primary thing that hurts kids is their parents treating each other badly. I have a great relationship with my dad who didn't live in my house growing up. But my relationship with both of them has been damaged by how they've treated each other over the years and how they put me in the middle.

That informs my position of course. But I'm pretty committed to trying to be that person if a situation like this (god forbid) arises.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2016 00:21     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Some of you're evil. No wonder your husband cheated on you.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2016 23:55     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
I'm sure your mind resists seeing is that way but if your husband has to pay child support and spend time with the other child, then your children most certainly ARE in competition for time and money as finite resources. They are getting less than they could have, without a real benefit of a sibling. Whatever goes to the other child is taken away from them. That's fact, not spin.

As for the kids being loved and cared for, you can make that same argument for the baby of a single mother. He'd still be loved and cared for, even if the father is absent or almost absent.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2016 23:49     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying the wife has to love and cherish the OW's kid but personally if I saw an infant in need or being harmed I would step in. I care about infants being placed in shitty situations because they are infants.

I would not teach my kids that it's ok to abandon your kids. I would not teach my kids that it's ok to walk away from someone innocent who needs you. I want my kids to become good people. Good people do the right thing even when it's hard so I'll model that.

You keep framing this as 'above her own kids.' I don't cherish the kids at St Jude more than my own kids but I can still give money to them. Being a good person doesn't have to come at the expense of one, and your husband damaged your kids when he cheated. All the kids are collateral damage. You get to teach them how to handle yourself with grace. Or that's what I would do, clearly not what you would do.

What do you mean, shitty situations? Women all over this town become "single mothers by choice" and people laud this as enlightened. No one says to them it's a shitty situation just because dad is not around.

OF COURSE being a good person has to come at the expense of your kids and family here. Money is finite. Time is finite. Everything going to the other child could have gone to your own. It's a perfect example of a zero sum game unless the child is fully integrated into the family.

I am curious how that conversation with your kids would go. Daddy made a big mistake and got close to some other lady. And now you have a half-brother across town. He doesn't live with us though and never will. His mom is not a very nice person. So Daddy will have to be away a few times a week now. Really?


I'd scratch the line about trashing the other mom. Kids don't need to be in the middle of that. Other than that it would depend on the ages of the kids but pretty close.

A woman who becomes a single mom by choice is a different situation. If my husband fathered a kid he fathered a kid. I wouldn't marry someone who abandoned a kid and I wouldn't stay married to someone who abandoned a kid. My morals don't change based on how much something effects me.

As for the boldest. Jeez lady I'm not in competition with other kids, and neither are my kids. I'm certainly not going to spend the rest of my life score keeping so I can ensure my future as a bitter harpy. If this happened my kids would still be loved, still be cared for, and no matter how much I hated their father I would be committed to Coparenting with him in a kind and cooperative way. Because that's what's best for them
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2016 23:32     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
I'm not saying the wife has to love and cherish the OW's kid but personally if I saw an infant in need or being harmed I would step in. I care about infants being placed in shitty situations because they are infants.

I would not teach my kids that it's ok to abandon your kids. I would not teach my kids that it's ok to walk away from someone innocent who needs you. I want my kids to become good people. Good people do the right thing even when it's hard so I'll model that.

You keep framing this as 'above her own kids.' I don't cherish the kids at St Jude more than my own kids but I can still give money to them. Being a good person doesn't have to come at the expense of one, and your husband damaged your kids when he cheated. All the kids are collateral damage. You get to teach them how to handle yourself with grace. Or that's what I would do, clearly not what you would do.

What do you mean, shitty situations? Women all over this town become "single mothers by choice" and people laud this as enlightened. No one says to them it's a shitty situation just because dad is not around.

OF COURSE being a good person has to come at the expense of your kids and family here. Money is finite. Time is finite. Everything going to the other child could have gone to your own. It's a perfect example of a zero sum game unless the child is fully integrated into the family.

I am curious how that conversation with your kids would go. Daddy made a big mistake and got close to some other lady. And now you have a half-brother across town. He doesn't live with us though and never will. His mom is not a very nice person. So Daddy will have to be away a few times a week now. Really?
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2016 23:08     Subject: what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:PP, the children of marriage are also innocent and not adults. Why would the wife care about someone else's innocence ahead of her own kids?


yup


+10000


I'm not saying the wife has to love and cherish the OW's kid but personally if I saw an infant in need or being harmed I would step in. I care about infants being placed in shitty situations because they are infants.

I would not teach my kids that it's ok to abandon your kids. I would not teach my kids that it's ok to walk away from someone innocent who needs you. I want my kids to become good people. Good people do the right thing even when it's hard so I'll model that.

You keep framing this as 'above her own kids.' I don't cherish the kids at St Jude more than my own kids but I can still give money to them. Being a good person doesn't have to come at the expense of one, and your husband damaged your kids when he cheated. All the kids are collateral damage. You get to teach them how to handle yourself with grace. Or that's what I would do, clearly not what you would do.