Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 08:51     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:I know the post is old, but I have a friend who married somebody she didn’t have physical chemistry with. He was basically the perfect guy and she figured it would come or at least they could maintain their good relationship without it. But it was such a struggle for her their entire marriage on a daily basis. She tried so hard to want to be with him but sex was never a good experience. She said she wished she hadn’t had chemistry with somebody before because she knew what she was missing out on.

After I think 5 years of marriage her ex asked for a divorce. He knew she struggled with the chemistry issue and she says that he probably just didn’t want to deal with the blow to his ego that really digging into the issue would cause. She was devastated because she really wanted things to work out and they had two kids, but her ex wouldn’t budge.

About two years later she met a guy with whom she had major chemistry. They got married and she is so much happier now. Says the divorce is the best thing that ever happened to her. They have only been married for ten years but from little comments here and there i gather their sex life is fantastic. And I know that their relationship is really good and they just have this emotionally healthy dynamic. And she and her ex get along great now and co parent really well.

It’s hard for me to relate because I have only been with people i am super attracted to (even if the attraction wasn’t there at first, it had grown a lot by the time we started dating) and it seems wild to divorce when you have kids just because you lack chemistry. But it does seem like marriage is just so hard when there is no chemistry and it divorce might be better for everybody involved.


It's not for the kids, but I guess as long as your friend best the bio clock had kids and now gets her rocks off it's all good.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 08:45     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
I know the post is old, but I have a friend who married somebody she didn’t have physical chemistry with. He was basically the perfect guy and she figured it would come or at least they could maintain their good relationship without it. But it was such a struggle for her their entire marriage on a daily basis. She tried so hard to want to be with him but sex was never a good experience. She said she wished she hadn’t had chemistry with somebody before because she knew what she was missing out on.

After I think 5 years of marriage her ex asked for a divorce. He knew she struggled with the chemistry issue and she says that he probably just didn’t want to deal with the blow to his ego that really digging into the issue would cause. She was devastated because she really wanted things to work out and they had two kids, but her ex wouldn’t budge.

About two years later she met a guy with whom she had major chemistry. They got married and she is so much happier now. Says the divorce is the best thing that ever happened to her. They have only been married for ten years but from little comments here and there i gather their sex life is fantastic. And I know that their relationship is really good and they just have this emotionally healthy dynamic. And she and her ex get along great now and co parent really well.

It’s hard for me to relate because I have only been with people i am super attracted to (even if the attraction wasn’t there at first, it had grown a lot by the time we started dating) and it seems wild to divorce when you have kids just because you lack chemistry. But it does seem like marriage is just so hard when there is no chemistry and it divorce might be better for everybody involved.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 08:34     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:Nope, the chemistry… butterflies… throwing each other on beds for passionate sex… those are things that happen in marriages with 40 year olds in movies but not in real life.

At 40, with two small children and demanding careers, what you need is stability and friendship.

Couples therapy is a good idea.


It can happen in real life, just not Everytime and usually when someone gets a sitter and we have a night away.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 08:32     Subject: Re:"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, I don't want to end up alone. The purpose of divorcing him would be to find someone better suited.


Nope, that won’t happen. Not as a forty something mom with young kids.

He will get remarried and you will have to coparent and split custody with him and his new wife. They may have more kids who will compete for resources and attention with yours. You will get a year of a,inony and maybe some child support and have to live in some crappy apartment or townhouse while he keeps the house. The new wife won’t agree that paying for private is worth the money


PP at 8:29. We do have more kids fortunately they all get along and his kids with his first wife are still in private I have my own money so it helps
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 08:29     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
I wonder what happened to OP. Sounds alot like my husband and his ex wife ( different time frame) but same situation. Dh's ex wife escalated to regularly insulting him, especially about his body. Eventually they divorced. She was really nasty when we started seeing each other and got serious

Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 06:39     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Nope, the chemistry… butterflies… throwing each other on beds for passionate sex… those are things that happen in marriages with 40 year olds in movies but not in real life.

At 40, with two small children and demanding careers, what you need is stability and friendship.

Couples therapy is a good idea.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 06:22     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:6 year old post. 21 pages from 2015



Surely there is an update! I want to know how this turned out.


+1 for update! OP, you still around?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 06:10     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:6 year old post. 21 pages from 2015



Surely there is an update! I want to know how this turned out.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 01:10     Subject: Re:"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:No, I don't want to end up alone. The purpose of divorcing him would be to find someone better suited.


Nope, that won’t happen. Not as a forty something mom with young kids.

He will get remarried and you will have to coparent and split custody with him and his new wife. They may have more kids who will compete for resources and attention with yours. You will get a year of a,inony and maybe some child support and have to live in some crappy apartment or townhouse while he keeps the house. The new wife won’t agree that paying for private is worth the money
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 01:07     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:The dating market for a 40+ year old woman with two kids is no picnic.



This.

Look, maybe you shouldn’t have married him to begin with since you aren’t into him. But you did. And you have kids. And he’s great in many ways. If you divorce you will have a much lower standard of living and only see your kids half the time and your dating pool will be divorced me with kids.

It would be very self destructive to get divorced.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 01:02     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
6 year old post. 21 pages from 2015
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 00:29     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a SAHM or do you work? Whats the division of assets/money?


OP. He makes 80% of our HHI. I said initially that I realize this is a problem. I could support myself but I would need child support for the kids in this area, especially since we want them to go to private school. As for dividing assets, I don't know how that would work. Neither of us came into the marriage with much in savings so I guess we would just split what we do have now 50/50?


Is she entitled to 50-50 if she divorces for no chemistry? I'm a woman and this sounds so unfair to the poor guy.


Reason is irrelevant. Marriage is a contract. 50/50 split of assets acquired during the marriage
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 00:21     Subject: "Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Being head over heels for someone isn’t the end all, be all.
I was, after 20 years he left and I’m alone and middle aged. I suggest you suck it up. He’s into you, and the family you created.

If you were all in and he left you’d be devastated.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 00:19     Subject: Re:"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:OP you keep brushing over the money issue as if that's not important. How exactly do you expect to live without 80% of your income? How will you support your children? You know they don't give alimony out anymore right?


She will get temporary alimony if he if 80% of the income.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2021 00:10     Subject: Re:"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him
Anonymous wrote:No, I don't want to end up alone. The purpose of divorcing him would be to find someone better suited.


Then do not divorce. There is no guarantee of that. I divorced because I could not stay in the marriage…not because I wanted another husband. I am sorry you had family pressure to marry someone you did not really love…I am sorry it happened to me to. But you need to be realistic that having a fresh start with kids is unlikely.