Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 14:30     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 14:30     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:All of you who are attacking other women's parenting choices are just hurting the rights of our gender to determine our own paths.


Yes. So frustrating to hear the bickering.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 14:29     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.


I am poster above you. My kids are a priority too. Don't make assumptions. I work when they are in school. Period.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 14:27     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
My husband makes 100k and I stay home. And yes we live in DC. Most people act like they need way more money but it is all about priorities. For us, our child is the priority.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 14:25     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
No. He does make enough for me to SAH. ~$450k.

I would be crazy to quit my flexible, WAH Fed job that comes with great benefits and I make $145k.

If I had to sacrifice my face-time with my kids. I might back down. I enjoy working.

DH would not respect me if I didn't work.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 13:43     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:I wish my lazy fucking wife would get a job.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2014 13:41     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Yup, and I'm pretty vocal about it, i.e.

"Why didn't you do better in school so I wouldn't have to do anything waaahhhhhh,"

and his response is always

"Why didn't you just marry a rich guy?"

and my response is

"Because I was stupid and had low self-esteem!"

Sometimes it's better to just say these things out loud and hear how silly they sound, then resentment doesn't quite build up.


Yes - I agree!
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2013 13:07     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child



I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.


you know, i'm a new mom, and i would have agreed with this a short while ago. but i think different family dynamics might require something different. i adore my daughter but hated my maternity leave with a colicky babe. i so badly, badly needed a physical/mental/emotional break when DH got home from work. something about getting screamed at for hours a day for several months pretty consistently had me at a breaking point and at or near tears by 6:30pm. i eventually learned to hand over the screaming baby to DH as soon as he got home so i could go on a run with the dog and have a bath. no housework got done. believe me, it was best for everyone. i can only imagine that staying home with a toddler (or two or three) would also be demanding, albeit in a different way. now that i am back to my own job, where i typically work about a 10-hour day, i am actually really, really excited to see my daughter at the end of the day. and i have some energy to spare for things like cooking and cleaning on weekends (which i didn't when my screamy DD was at me constantly all day everyday). which is a really long-winded way of saying that i am loath to judge others' arrangements and there are definitely situations where the spouse who works outside the home also needs to step it up in the home.
+1
Nothing like the reality check of first-hand experience.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2013 08:28     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child



I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.


you know, i'm a new mom, and i would have agreed with this a short while ago. but i think different family dynamics might require something different. i adore my daughter but hated my maternity leave with a colicky babe. i so badly, badly needed a physical/mental/emotional break when DH got home from work. something about getting screamed at for hours a day for several months pretty consistently had me at a breaking point and at or near tears by 6:30pm. i eventually learned to hand over the screaming baby to DH as soon as he got home so i could go on a run with the dog and have a bath. no housework got done. believe me, it was best for everyone. i can only imagine that staying home with a toddler (or two or three) would also be demanding, albeit in a different way. now that i am back to my own job, where i typically work about a 10-hour day, i am actually really, really excited to see my daughter at the end of the day. and i have some energy to spare for things like cooking and cleaning on weekends (which i didn't when my screamy DD was at me constantly all day everyday). which is a really long-winded way of saying that i am loath to judge others' arrangements and there are definitely situations where the spouse who works outside the home also needs to step it up in the home.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2013 08:17     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
I wish my lazy fucking wife would get a job.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2013 07:56     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
i secretly wish DH would be a stay-at-home dad. i make enough money to support us all, albeit not lavishly. but i'd never tell him so; he'd be terribly unhappy not working outside the home.

instead, i make most of the money and do most of the childcare and housework. so that doesn't seem right either.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2013 07:46     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Its not about being a 1950's stay at home wife and the man not letting us cook, clean and look after kids. I make the same as my husband plus cook and clean. Yes i do resent him because as soon as he gets home he clocks off and gets to do whatever he wants. For me, i finish work and get home to housework and cooking dinner. I envy stay at home moms because i would love to have more free time and less stress. I stress about getting pregnant and having children because noway could he support us with his income alone so it would then became me working fulltime + cooking + cleaning + looking after kids.


Story of my life, makes me resent my husband so much!
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2013 07:42     Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, if a couple decides to put most of the financial burden on the DH (or breadwinning DW), the SAH should bear most of the child care/household burden – that’s the partnership aspect of it. IMO, a SAH cannot really complain because the WOH has worked a 10.5 hour day and won’t do night duty with a sick child



I agree with this big time. My sister in law is a sahm and shes always complaining about her husband not helping with cooking and cleaning. Drives me crazy when sahm do this.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2013 21:38     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
All of you who are attacking other women's parenting choices are just hurting the rights of our gender to determine our own paths.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2013 16:49     Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Uh, PP, indeed I did look for "a while". That translated into looking and doing research as soon as those two little lines showed up on the dipstick. I toured three well-regarded centers that had yearlong waiting lists. All three of them made me uncomfortable in some way. Indifference, poor attitudes, a lack of warmth, dinginess, dirtiness & off-putting smells etcetera. The nanny and au pair search was just as unsuccessful as I described above. I applaud you for finding someone you are happy with. I was unable to do so.