Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

This isn’t true. It’s close to poverty if you have a wife that “needs” to live in a $1.75m house, send the kids to private school, and take 1-2 $10k vacations a year. If not, it’s plenty if money.

It’s very low income . I’m a single woman making 380k gross and live in a one bedroom apartment in LCOL area . One child in college. I manage to save 70k/year and rather frugal. But if it were 3 people I don’t know…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

The best financial decision I've made was to insist that we both max out our 401k's. It's better that we never see that money hit our checking accounts. But yes, we've got exactly the same issues you do. Insistence that we need to take our preschooler to Europe because it's so family friendly (a trip to Europe with a preschooler is just doing childcare in a different country, and is not a vacation), complaints about how we don't have nice furniture (which our preschooler would probably destroy--we can buy nice things when the kids are older and more responsible), complaints about how we are low-income with our combined $300k income, frequent purchases of only $100 here and $100 there on makeup and clothes (described as really good deals and "investments"). And at the same time I'm looking for ways to try to reduce my already low spending (mostly just coffee at work and the occasional lunch out) in order to increase college savings because I know just how expensive that will be and the more we're able to save now, the less impact it will have on our lifestyles later. And from what I've learned, there's no way to predict whether a woman will develop these habits--my wife was definitely not like this when I met her or even at the beginning of our marriage.

300k gross for a family of 3 in dmv is close to poverty. You need to make double that in combined income to make ends meet

Anonymous wrote:DH is really a perfect husband and a great father. And even still, I can't imagine dating again if he were to die. I look around and it's chaos in the dating world. My friends had to basically sell their souls to get married in their late 30s. I had one friend who went on 100+ first dates, and she's gorgeous and makes $$$. I think there's just a lot of bad men out there.

I'm focusing on raising my kids, especially my son to not be duds. My son will know how to run a household and also how to change his oil/fix a broken fridge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got married last summer..he had 8 groomsmen. My son is 31. I don't know the ages of all the groomsmen, but they are around his age. I know 4 are definitely single because they are my son's closest friends. To make a long story short tell me why none of those guys approached any of the women that were equally single??

I think men are suffering from anxiety probably more than we want to admit. And if that's the case we need fix it asap because our society still operates on the "male protector" mindset. We can't hand our "protection " due to a bunch of anxious people who can't admit they are.

A lot of men today can't even make eye contact, they wouldn't know how to approach a woman and find something about her that they instantly like.

These men grew up in an atmosphere where every interaction is liable to be filmed and ridiculed. This is why no one dances anymore either. Instead of being embarrassed in front of a roomful of people you can be humiliated in front of the entire internet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

Most women don’t want an old dad..

We seem them on full display on our kids college campus..Move in and out day in particular.

Out of breath, can’t lift chit, asking all the younger fathers for help, complaining about their replaced knees.

Ehhhh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately if you don't find someone by the time you get through undergrad, or maybe grad or professional school, it's tough. What's left is mostly the leftovers of bithe sexes filled with hangups, baggage, and personality disorders...Or divorced moms and dads trailing multiple crotch goblins.

The answer to pretty much all of you is "It's not them. It's you." Both make and female.

If you want marriage, children, and a family, you have to prioritize those things and find someone who also prioritizes things. If both of you aren't on the same page, it's going to be very difficult.

After 25, if you aren’t a top 25% person in your gender, you should be prepared to be solo forever

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately if you don't find someone by the time you get through undergrad, or maybe grad or professional school, it's tough. What's left is mostly the leftovers of bithe sexes filled with hangups, baggage, and personality disorders...Or divorced moms and dads trailing multiple crotch goblins.

The answer to pretty much all of you is "It's not them. It's you." Both make and female.

If you want marriage, children, and a family, you have to prioritize those things and find someone who also prioritizes things. If both of you aren't on the same page, it's going to be very difficult.

Anonymous wrote:37 male, divorced no kids. I've been on too many first dates that feel like an inquisition. It feels like women have developed a check list they want to run you through to see if you are worthy of their attention. All I want on a first date is to see if the live person looks anything like their photos, does the person smile, laugh and have the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation and finally is it a comfortable vibe. As soon as the inquisition starts I start to tune out. I'm happy to answer questions, but an inquisition is a real turn off. I am interested in dating less and less as time passes. Thankfully I have a FWB who I have a good time with so my social life is pretty good.

Anonymous wrote:His upper bound is 32… that’s not that young. Him dating a 40 yo is unlikely to produce a child. Also it takes a a year or two date, engage, wed, get pregnant etc. I think his preference is not unreasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His upper bound is 32… that’s not that young. Him dating a 40 yo is unlikely to produce a child. Also it takes a a year or two date, engage, wed, get pregnant etc. I think his preference is not unreasonable.

It's absolutely likely to produce a child, will just take longer.

A lot of late 30s/early 40s single women these days have frozen their eggs when they were much younger. I’m 41 with a ton of frozen eggs on ice from when I was 33. I was briefly married in my mid 30s bur didn’t get a chance to use them before my ex’s mental health went off the rails. A lot of my friends also have eggs on ice. So, don’t be so quick to judge a 40 year old as having zero fertility options.

"A lot" doubt. Maybe rich white women who planned ahead. It's definitely a privilege to freeze eggs. Also not guaranteed it will result in a live birth.

I live in a large city. Pretty much all childless women under age 45 have eggs frozen and still want kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His upper bound is 32… that’s not that young. Him dating a 40 yo is unlikely to produce a child. Also it takes a a year or two date, engage, wed, get pregnant etc. I think his preference is not unreasonable.

It's absolutely likely to produce a child, will just take longer.

A lot of late 30s/early 40s single women these days have frozen their eggs when they were much younger. I’m 41 with a ton of frozen eggs on ice from when I was 33. I was briefly married in my mid 30s bur didn’t get a chance to use them before my ex’s mental health went off the rails. A lot of my friends also have eggs on ice. So, don’t be so quick to judge a 40 year old as having zero fertility options.

"A lot" doubt. Maybe rich white women who planned ahead. It's definitely a privilege to freeze eggs. Also not guaranteed it will result in a live birth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His upper bound is 32… that’s not that young. Him dating a 40 yo is unlikely to produce a child. Also it takes a a year or two date, engage, wed, get pregnant etc. I think his preference is not unreasonable.

It's absolutely likely to produce a child, will just take longer.

A lot of late 30s/early 40s single women these days have frozen their eggs when they were much younger. I’m 41 with a ton of frozen eggs on ice from when I was 33. I was briefly married in my mid 30s bur didn’t get a chance to use them before my ex’s mental health went off the rails. A lot of my friends also have eggs on ice. So, don’t be so quick to judge a 40 year old as having zero fertility options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His upper bound is 32… that’s not that young. Him dating a 40 yo is unlikely to produce a child. Also it takes a a year or two date, engage, wed, get pregnant etc. I think his preference is not unreasonable.

It's absolutely likely to produce a child, will just take longer.