It’s a bit odd that college age guys are asking for a phone number and it’s happening frequently. Most in that age range do not swap numbers. And college age guys have no idea who is 17 or 19 or 21. Most people can’t tell the difference. This whole scenario sounds a little fake.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, so I’m the poster who another poster is screaming at claiming that I’m a pervert and monster. I’ve calmly been surfing the web to gather rational thoughts on this and basically have gathered this:

From a legal standpoint, it is without question not harassment for a customer to politely ask a server on a one time basis for her phone number. If the customer persists following a “no”, however, it absolutely is harassment.

But, harassment or not, it’s still not considered appropriate even to ask for the phone number on a one time basis. It’s awkward and puts the server in a bad position. Instead, as I now see was just suggested above, the recommendation is for the customer to leave his phone number at the table with an invitation for the server to contact him if she is interested.

This all makes a lot of sense to me.

This is just not true. It IS harassment. If you want to share your sources, please do. Other people have posted the actual definition and it wholly encompasses OPs daughters situation as such.

I’ll put it to you this way:

If a customer were to ask OP‘s daughter one time for her phone number while she was waiting on him, and she were to decline and complain to her boss about it, and her boss were to tell her that he was going to do nothing about it, take a guess how far OP’s daughter would get if she were to sue her boss for tolerating sexual harassment in her workplace? I’ll give you a hint: not very.

So your version of “is it real/worth it” involves what your boss thinks about it? Huh. Cool.

How dense are you?

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to wear a fake wedding or engagement ring. "Sorry, already taken!"

That is like honey to ants. Men often wear fake wedding rings to attract women for a tryst. Women do it some also.

Anonymous wrote:If she is underage she should say "I don't think that would workout to well for you unless you enjoy want to end up a registry for the rest of your life."

Do most people not realize that 16 years old is the norm for age of consent in the USA? Much younger than 16 for many immigrants who may not be familiar with US laws yet.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s way more than teach your sons “not to be pervs,” it’s teach them to recognize situations where it’s usually inappropriate to ask someone out. It’s always inappropriate to ask your server for her number.

Why?

Because they are at work and it's harassment.

If she is underage she should say "I don't think that would workout to well for you unless you enjoy want to end up a registry for the rest of your life."

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Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

This is the kind of attitude the perverts are counting on.

Asking a young lady for their phone number does not make you a pervert. What is wrong with you?

Harassing someone AT THEIR JOB is absolutely a perv move.

Asking for your phone number IS NOT HARASSMENT!

Yes it is. OPs daughter does not deserve gross creepy pervy men harassing her while she's working.

You seem really triggered, likely because you do this kind of harassment often. You should stop.

First, I doubt the asking for a phone number happens all that often, especially if she looks underage. It’s not harassment if he asks a question and accepts the answer. Plus why are you assuming it’s gross creepy men? It could be college students or high school.

When I worked as a teen and college student in the late 80s the worst offenders were the managers and other employees. We were stronger and not as easily traumatized back then. One of my managers asked me to pick out some lingerie from a store next to where we worked so he could see it.. I made a joke like “what about your wife”. He said she was pregnant so she wouldn’t look good. We could get a hotel room. I laughed it off and he never asked again. Once a co-worker bartender gave me a ride home during summer between junior and senior year. I went into the bathroom and when I came out he was standing there naked. I told him to leave. Those were not unusual occurrences.

OP, if a guy is being persistent and something seems off ask someone at work to walk her to her car or just make sure he’s not lurking around.

Anonymous wrote:It’s way more than teach your sons “not to be pervs,” it’s teach them to recognize situations where it’s usually inappropriate to ask someone out. It’s always inappropriate to ask your server for her number.

What a fantasy world you live in.

Anonymous wrote:It’s way more than teach your sons “not to be pervs,” it’s teach them to recognize situations where it’s usually inappropriate to ask someone out. It’s always inappropriate to ask your server for her number.

Why?

Anonymous wrote:It’s way more than teach your sons “not to be pervs,” it’s teach them to recognize situations where it’s usually inappropriate to ask someone out. It’s always inappropriate to ask your server for her number.

That’s not true at all.

It’s way more than teach your sons “not to be pervs,” it’s teach them to recognize situations where it’s usually inappropriate to ask someone out. It’s always inappropriate to ask your server for her number.

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

Hear that, parents? Don’t send your daughters to college.

NO, just teach your daughters how to shut it down when an in appropriate advance is made. There are also pervs in business, medicine and law - just teach them how to recognize and navigate around it.

And also teach your sons not to be pervs.