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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

I don’t think most older women do this. I know a lot of older women and not one of them does this.

My MIL does this. I like to encourage it to an absurd degree like “yes, you’re right. You’re the smallest! You’re so delicate! Like a little tiny bird. Careful everybody, don’t step on grandma! She’s so tiny! Do you want a booster seat?”

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

You can’t control her behavior, you can only control yourself. I don’t give two shits what anyone else is eating, so I don’t pay any notice to bids for attention.

+1. I deliberately don’t pay my MIL any mind at all when she’s doing that stuff. The second she stops talking, I move the topic on to a completely new conversation. Or I’ll talk about how delicious the food is and my daughters will pipe up, saying how much they enjoy it.

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Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

NP. Buffets are really déclassé. Beloved by patrons of Golden Corral and similar. The thought of recreating this in my home gives me shivers.

Anonymous wrote:I also dislike family style service for a big holiday. There’s more passing than there is eating, and the food is always cold. Plus there’s no room on the table! So awkward all around.

Anonymous wrote:Omg. We’re still talking about chicken and buffets?

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Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

Where in the midwest are you from? Definitely not a thing in Michigan/Ohio

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, those of you who are anti family style, does that include meals that are small groups?

Do you serve from a buffet on a random Thursday when it's just you and the kids?

We do buffet if it's a large group, or if we're serving something that lends itself to that, like make your own burrito bowls. But otherwise we just pass things around.

Not anti family style (we do both) but as a family of 6 who have mostly informal dinners we often do buffet style.

Anonymous wrote:So, those of you who are anti family style, does that include meals that are small groups?

Do you serve from a buffet on a random Thursday when it's just you and the kids?

We do buffet if it's a large group, or if we're serving something that lends itself to that, like make your own burrito bowls. But otherwise we just pass things around.

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

NP. Buffets are really déclassé. Beloved by patrons of Golden Corral and similar. The thought of recreating this in my home gives me shivers.

Dining should be plated. Otherwise, it’s hogs gathering at a trough.

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Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

NP. Buffets are really déclassé. Beloved by patrons of Golden Corral and similar. The thought of recreating this in my home gives me shivers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH just told MIL for the third time that no, we won’t be putting food on the table and passing. We’ll be serving it buffet-style from the island. She’s fighting her on this and he finally said, “No one wants to pass and pass and monitor what each other is or is not eating. We all just want to make a plate and eat.” Which has always been MY argument for hating family-style service.

(Nelson voice Ha ha!

Nice! My MIL also refuses to understand that passing family style is no longer a popular way of serving. And I agree that one of the main motivations for old people liking it is that they like to see who is taking what and how much.

really? what do you do on a daily basis? and do people really care about seeing what other people eat (that seems odd and slightly disordered)

NP. On a daily basis, we put food on the island, and either self-serve or one adult serves for the kids or whatever. Occasionally DH and I will ask the other if they want us to make them a plate. But mostly, everyone makes their own plate.

Anyway, I see you’ve never been part of an interminably long pass, pass, pass, pass holiday dinner. They are the WORST. A huge casserole dish hovering in midair while Aunt Bertha hems and haws about whether she wants this dish or that. Or MIL asks why you aren’t eating mashed rutabagas. Or FIL says “wow, you’re taking a LOT of mashed potatoes.” So much commentary about who is eating what and how much, or how no one is eating the yams and you really need to take some yams. Meanwhile the food is getting cold instead of being eaten. It’s so laborious and unnecessary.

We pass food around and this kind of thing never happens.

My in laws always did the pass thing and the food was always cold. We did it ourselves this year and the food was cold. It's problematic if you have a lot of people. My mil is an extremely controlling person and watched every portion a person took. They expect everyone to finish everything on their plate. The first time I ate with them when I was dating my now dh, my sil lectured me loudly at the table that I didn't finish three grains of corn. No one stopped her. She also lectured me because I didn't cross myself after they said grace. The fool didn't know that's a Catholic thing. My dh's family is unfailingly rude.

Food gets cold at the same rate when it’s sitting on an island in the kitchen as when it’s on the dining room table, unless the dishes are on an actual heat source of whatever type. The laws of physics apply in both places.

You cannot possibly be this dense.

Buffet in the kitchen - everyone lines up at once, fills their plates with each item, eats. Hot food.

“Family style” - every individual item passed around many people at a family table, everyone waits for it to be passed every single item by item while people either about how much to take. Lukewarm food at best.

Glad I could help.

NP. I simply disagree. The food will also get cold while you stand in the buffet line to serve yourself, unless the food is in chafing dishes over heaters. One way is not superior to the other. Also, even if you serve buffet style, I can look over at Cousin Max’s plate and see that he has taken a pound of mashed potatoes and no Brussels sprouts, and confront him about his hatred of green vegetables, should I so choose.

Mmkay, but you’ll still be wrong. Shrug.

NP. Buffets are really déclassé. Beloved by patrons of Golden Corral and similar. The thought of recreating this in my home gives me shivers.