Anonymous
02/20/2023 13:29
Subject: Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.
I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.
The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.
The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…
And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.
Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?
A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.
Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.
Get over yourself.
I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.
The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.
In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]
Hahaha nailed it!
+1
Similar to McLean. Only a few "acceptable topics of "conversation".
This isn’t really true. People in McLean are more outspoken. They’ve already gotten the promotion or made their millions and are less worried about rocking the boat. If anything, you might want some of them to keep their opinions to themselves, but they are generally more interesting than people who live in Vienna.
Anonymous
02/20/2023 11:57
Subject: Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.
I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.
The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.
The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…
And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.
Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?
A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.
Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.
Get over yourself.
I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.
The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.
In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]
Hahaha nailed it!
+1
Similar to McLean. Only a few "acceptable topics of "conversation".
Anonymous
02/20/2023 08:58
Subject: Re:Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
Anonymous wrote:Vienna is the suburbs on steroids. There is an immense amount of pride in being "family-friendly," an intense focus on conventional youth activities like sports, band, and scouting, and a huge premium on being pleasant and "not rocking the boat" as opposed to being opinionated or unconventional.
It is just how Vienna rolls. If you're a traditional two-parent family, your kids are typical kids, and you have a high enough income to pursue things like travel teams and high-end vacations, it can be very reaffirming. But you have to expect other parents to watch over (and keep tabs on) your kids like hawks, and if you don't fit the mold you can quickly grow disaffected.
+1!
Vienna is a special kind of suburb, it’s out for everyone.
I used to live there, moved to Burke after 10 years to address exactly what you are wondering about.
Burke is much more “real”, there are single families, less travel sports, etc. I think you need to broaden your geographic net to find your group.
Anonymous
02/19/2023 12:52
Subject: Re:Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
To OP—I totally get. Your vibe. We would be friends IRL. We moved from Petworth to TP. You sound like a lot of DC friends we have. If you want the space and the good schools, just stay focused on that and find your one or two friends who truly accept you. As for the rest, you still have to co-exist. Keep it light, and vent with your true friends later.
Anonymous
02/18/2023 14:21
Subject: Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.
I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.
The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.
The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…
And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.
Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?
A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.
Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.
Get over yourself.
I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.
The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.
In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]
Hahaha nailed it!
Anonymous
02/18/2023 14:18
Subject: Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
OP I have lived in Vienna for 18 years and raised my kids there. Vienna is NOT friendly. Everyone is competing over the smallest things
— mostly around how smart Johnny is and what an athlete. Also where you went on your vacation.
They are liberal conformists. What used to be called limousine liberals. Something ought to be done but not by me! Let’s make sandwiches at the church. It is very quiet and the people are polite but it’s an uphill battle unless you completely fit the mold.
— mostly around how smart Johnny is and what an athlete. Also where you went on your vacation.
They are liberal conformists. What used to be called limousine liberals. Something ought to be done but not by me! Let’s make sandwiches at the church. It is very quiet and the people are polite but it’s an uphill battle unless you completely fit the mold.
Anonymous
02/13/2023 22:35
Subject: Re:Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, most people can freely express their views on this site - about communities, houses, schools, etc - and when other posters push back, it's usually to try to rebut the specific criticism that's been voiced. But in all my time reading this Real Estate forum, I don't think i've ever seen such a weird sustained barrage of personal attacks on an OP -- "no, OP is the problem, she sounds like a real b****, doesn't she? i know people like her, ugh."
Honestly, if these other posters were trying to prove her point about the unwelcoming and problematic personalities in Vienna (who knows where they hail from, but something in her comment about Vienna triggered them), they couldn't have done better job.
I cannot believe this thread is still going and with the same level of vitriol as 10 pages ago. Our family lives in Vienna and is always trying to convince us to move. We went to see a few homes last weekend. After reading this thread, I can firmly say no freaking way. We are super happy where we are.
OP’s post was ridiculous and people are responding in kind in a somewhat tongue in cheek way. It’s ok.
+1. OP's post could have been phrased as "I lean more liberal and am feeling out of place in conservative leaning Vienna" and I think responding posts would have been more empathetic. The fact that she uses words like "conformist" and "tightly-wound' showed that she thought 1) everyone was the same and 2) she was better than everyone.
At the end of the day, not all neighborhoods are meant for everyone and I truly hope OP finds a community but to think people in Vienna are beneath her because of her particular parenting style or politics is unfair.
+2. Also OP turned off a lot of potential sympathizers with this: "I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me." Nobody, but nobody, wants to live around that person.
Personally, I'd rather live around a live wire who has opinions and curses occasionally than the polite but gossipy, backstabbing types so common in Vienna.
Is swearing a bit that big a deal?
It is to conservatives. They want to burn it all down, politely.
Doesn’t that insurrectionist congressman live in Vienna? It’s a-ok to storm the Capitol, but don’t even think about cursing.
Josh Hawley lives or was living in Vienna around the time of the January 6th insurrection. Apparently he looked around for the place with the most pious, sanctimonious haters and decided he could do no better.
Haha.