Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 18:57     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:This is why you don’t “compromise” on having kids. If you do not want another child 110% then that is a no go. Not surprised at this situation at all.


I have two kids and love them and am very happy I had them, but I was never 100% sure, prob not even 80% sure about wanting them when I first got pregnant, let alone 110%. The husband sounds immature. Plenty of people have accidental pregnancies and figure out ways to adjust. My sister only ever wanted two, but she had an oops at age 42 that turned out to be twins! You work it out.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 15:38     Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
I knew that if I would have a kid, it would be with a man who would worship me forever for going through pregnancy and for giving birth. We have two kids and my DH is a happily doting dad. He loves being a father and a family man.

Yes, we had kids when we were not struggling financially, when our parents could help us, and when I could SAH for as long as I wanted to. Having kids is hard and you need to weigh all of these things.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 15:15     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you either need FT childcare or a PT job. You can have a FT job with PT childcare and expect that to work. You are setting all of you up for failure.

+1 What I did was give up my career so that our lives would be less stressful.

Despite what some woman's magazine tried to sell you, women cannot have it all. Something's gotta give.

OP's DH probably wouldn't be supportive of OP focusing on her career while he pulled back on his career. I don't find that most men would be willing to do that. I offered that same deal to my DH, that I'd be the breadwinner, and he could be the sahp for a bit. That was a no-go for him. Unlike OP, though, I didn't mind at the time pulling back a bit. I was stressed out myself trying to do it all. And this with a nanny, but no family around. It was in part mommy guilt, but also we were all just treading water and constantly fighting.

Even Serena Williams, who probably has a ton of paid help, says women can't have it all.

https://www.businessinsider.com/serena-williams-blunt-retirement-essay-inequity-america-workforce-women-face-2022-8


Everyone knows this but how about the men step up to help?

how do you force men to do that? If you could find a way, you could write a book and make billions.

But, this is also why many educated, working women choose to not get married and/or have kids. They know it's not possible to have it all. Something's gonna give.


Divorce works. Ex did not do one thing while we were married. Miraculously, when we divorced, he figured it out.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 14:07     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
I think you should lay out why you deserve a significant raise at work and ask for it. Sounds like you have a good case for one if the org can afford it. Then use the extra money for childcare and give hubs a break. Your seniors left and you picked up the slack and you've been handling it -- you deserve more money.

Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 13:48     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Her DH will have an affair and move out to live with a childfree woman. Then he will file for divorce and ask for 50% custody. That will give him the respite he needs from parenting and a chance to live a adult-centered life with his new gf/wife. Seen it over and over again.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2022 13:24     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
I found my husband to be the same way when my son was a toddler. However, as my son got older, it got better for him and worse for me. I loved having a baby and toddler and spending time with my son when he was little, but by the time he was about 10 it was all about dad and he didn't really want anything to do with me. Now he's a teen and has no patience for me, and I find him pretty annoying too. We can't really spend time together without fighting, whereas he and my husband spend a lot of time together and seem to enjoy each other's company. So maybe just enjoy being the mom for a while, and hopefully things will change over time. Kids change a lot.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2022 23:00     Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:OP could die tomorrow and what would her DH do?


Start dating fast, and remarry quickly to have another woman to look after his kids. I wish I were kidding or being snarky when I write that. I'm not. Seen it in real life. Yes, there are some women who fall for a widower with young kids, a guy who seems sad and wounded and oh so needy. (Not me. A relative. It was clear to others that he wanted child care and seemed pretty distant with his own kids, but she chalked it all up to his grieving.)
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2022 15:21     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:Why didn't DH just get a vasectomy after the agreed-up first/only baby was conceived?


Because men don't take responsibility for their actions. Also, he agreed to TWO. The man wasn't forced to have sex and knock her up.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2022 15:20     Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
OP, you need to get more money from your organization. It sounds like you have assumed responsibilities above your pay grade with no corresponding raise. Just bc you love the work, doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be treated like garbage. No legitimate organization pays their top employee $40k/yr, that's barely minimum wage.
Anonymous
Post 08/23/2022 15:11     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Why didn't DH just get a vasectomy after the agreed-up first/only baby was conceived?
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2022 20:31     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Let this be a lesson to those who are sure their partners will “come around” once another baby enters their lives.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2022 20:24     Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have relinquished my DH of all duties. I asked him to tell me he wanted me to do it all, and if he did, I wouldn’t have resentment because that was the expectation.

Now, he pops in and out and smiles and then we go about our day. We are all happier. My kids know to come to me for things. It works for us and our house is much calmer.


That sounds like the perfect set up/s


That’s why many wealthy parents have live-in and weekend nannies.

Anonymous
Post 08/21/2022 20:04     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
This is DH’s BIL to a T. Never wanted a second child but SIL insisted because all her friends and siblings had 2. He made it to the 2nd birthday of the second child and couldn’t take it any more. Now they are divorced and filing for bankruptcy since they can’t support two households when they were barely managing one.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2022 19:38     Subject: Re:DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:OP could die tomorrow and what would her DH do?


It sounds like he would do the status quo - keep working at his job that is paying all the bills, and keep doing all the household stuff and dealing with the kids in the evenings.

Op is the one in this scenario not contributing a whole lot - because "dreams".
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2022 19:28     Subject: DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later
Anonymous wrote:OP, you should have stopped at 1 child or married someone else.


Where's that time machine?