Anonymous wrote:mail order bride from a 3rd world country?

But be careful, I've known a few men who have done this, and the women all left the men as soon as they got their green cards. Buyer beware.

I highly doubt you know “a few men who have done this” but it makes for a cool story bro

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Did your husband ( then boyfriend) tell you you were going to be a SAHM or was that your choice? Because you wanting to or the two of you deciding together this is what you want is a lot different than dictating to you want you will do.

Also, your husband is super involved with the kids, OP says he doesn't want to be involved with th kids until they are 7 or 8, and then only as much as he can.

OP here. Yes. He told me in the early stages of dating it was important to him to find a wife who wants to stay home. I let my husband handle the jig decisions so it worked for me.

My husband is involved but I still do 90% of the work. My husband helps with cooking, bedtime routines, and on the weekends. The rest of the stuff I do.

Sorry, meant to say * pp here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Did your husband ( then boyfriend) tell you you were going to be a SAHM or was that your choice? Because you wanting to or the two of you deciding together this is what you want is a lot different than dictating to you want you will do.

Also, your husband is super involved with the kids, OP says he doesn't want to be involved with th kids until they are 7 or 8, and then only as much as he can.

OP here. Yes. He told me in the early stages of dating it was important to him to find a wife who wants to stay home. I let my husband handle the jig decisions so it worked for me.

My husband is involved but I still do 90% of the work. My husband helps with cooking, bedtime routines, and on the weekends. The rest of the stuff I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Because he is ticking off the boxes of what is suppose to happen in life. He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work that goes with it. He wants the female to do that, take care of the kids, keep them out of his hair, make sure his dinner is ready on the table, clean his toilet. But then he wants to make sure that he protects all his money in case they divorce, he doesn't care if the mother of his child is destitute and the reason for that is that she stayed home to take care of the household duties and childcare, nope its all I, I, I, I, I want in all his posts. Of course she will have to portray the picture perfect image for everyone as well.

He sounds abusive and I don't believe in his story of wanting real love. When talking about his life he says "I know the life I want". There is no room in that I for a we. He is just following his parents set up. This is what my parents did and this is what I'll do. It just makes me want to vomit.

All of this, but especially the bold. In typical DCUM fashion, some want to turn this into a SAHM war or even more disgustingly an American woman bashing thread, ignoring the real red flags with OP.

OP here. I hate that a man who wants a certain lifestyle is deemed “ abusive”. I have never and will never be abusive. I would never harm anyone. I’m not controlling and do not expect a submissive woman. I have an ideal way of how I want my life to look, but I know that may not happen. I realize I may need to relax some of my wants to get what I need. I think it’s better to be honest and upfront about what I want than blindside her 2-3 years down the road. Many women want certain lifestyles and they are not deemed “ abusive” or other derogatory terms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I doll not be answering anymore questions because it doesn’t seem like I will get any real advice on here. Many posters are asking the same questions.

OP here. I will take some of the real suggestions and look into nannies, teachers, nurses, etc.

I really do want a real relationship with mutual love and respect. I will be an involved parent I won’t there to handle the bulk of parenting. I want a self-sufficient woman who wants to be a SAHM or at least take time off her career to raise kids.

I have lots of money and will be able to afford the lifestyle I want. I want to make sure my family money is protected and no one owns half of my companies if we end up divorced.

You actually did get a lot of real advice. Hire a matchmaker, look for the same way that your parents met or have them introduce you to daughters of their friends, look for careers like nurses, teachers, nannies, or administrative assistant, find someone with her own money, or at charity events.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Because he is ticking off the boxes of what is suppose to happen in life. He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work that goes with it. He wants the female to do that, take care of the kids, keep them out of his hair, make sure his dinner is ready on the table, clean his toilet. But then he wants to make sure that he protects all his money in case they divorce, he doesn't care if the mother of his child is destitute and the reason for that is that she stayed home to take care of the household duties and childcare, nope its all I, I, I, I, I want in all his posts. Of course she will have to portray the picture perfect image for everyone as well.

He sounds abusive and I don't believe in his story of wanting real love. When talking about his life he says "I know the life I want". There is no room in that I for a we. He is just following his parents set up. This is what my parents did and this is what I'll do. It just makes me want to vomit.

All of this, but especially the bold. In typical DCUM fashion, some want to turn this into a SAHM war or even more disgustingly an American woman bashing thread, ignoring the real red flags with OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Did your husband ( then boyfriend) tell you you were going to be a SAHM or was that your choice? Because you wanting to or the two of you deciding together this is what you want is a lot different than dictating to you want you will do.

Also, your husband is super involved with the kids, OP says he doesn't want to be involved with th kids until they are 7 or 8, and then only as much as he can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Because he is ticking off the boxes of what is suppose to happen in life. He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work that goes with it. He wants the female to do that, take care of the kids, keep them out of his hair, make sure his dinner is ready on the table, clean his toilet. But then he wants to make sure that he protects all his money in case they divorce, he doesn't care if the mother of his child is destitute and the reason for that is that she stayed home to take care of the household duties and childcare, nope its all I, I, I, I, I want in all his posts. Of course she will have to portray the picture perfect image for everyone as well.

He sounds abusive and I don't believe in his story of wanting real love. When talking about his life he says "I know the life I want". There is no room in that I for a we. He is just following his parents set up. This is what my parents did and this is what I'll do. It just makes me want to vomit.

OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Same reason other people do. Are parents who work not supposed to want kids?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I doll not be answering anymore questions because it doesn’t seem like I will get any real advice on here. Many posters are asking the same questions.

OP here. I will take some of the real suggestions and look into nannies, teachers, nurses, etc.

I really do want a real relationship with mutual love and respect. I will be an involved parent I won’t there to handle the bulk of parenting. I want a self-sufficient woman who wants to be a SAHM or at least take time off her career to raise kids.

I have lots of money and will be able to afford the lifestyle I want. I want to make sure my family money is protected and no one owns half of my companies if we end up divorced.

I'm an RN. I worked damn hard for what I have. No way would I give it up for the likes of you. You used "I" 8 times in that short post. You are really a self-centered jerk

Anonymous wrote:You want a woman who will:

1. Give up their career to be a SAHM
2. Sign a prenup, leaving her screwed
3. A “real” relationship with mutual love and respect

You’re not gonna get all three. Pick the two that are most important to you.

So you can have someone who also views this as a business transaction and will SAH and sign, but she’s not going to be the loving wife.

Or someone who loves you and signs a prenup, but she’s going to keep her career and expect you to cut back at work so you can split childcare 50/50.

Or someone who loves you and will SAH, but recognizes that signing a prenup puts her in a vulnerable position and she won’t do it.

Figure out which one you can live with.

+ 1000000. Seriously, listen to yourself. You want a woman to give up her earning potential to raise your children and take care of your home, without having to give her anything for her lost earning potential if it doesn’t work out. That is not realistic. Your parents relationship - did your mom sign a prenup that let your dad keep all his money if they divorced? Didn’t think so,