Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:17     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Shocked how quickly people jump to divorce instead of working through a pretty normal situation.

Do none of you value your marriages enough to work things through?
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:17     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.


Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.


OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!


OP is making $150k-170k in a stable job that is good for his family. People take huge pay cuts to get these kind of jobs because they are secure and they set you up well. Despite the prevailing opinion on this board that OP is in a joke of a job, feds can tell you that it is always easy to get OR be a GS-15. OP is most likely a supervisor and probably has at least some work stress, not to mention the burden of being the only breadwinner, and people are treating him like a complete moron.


I just don't understand why this isn't enough money. OP is a low earning make at $150,000? DCUM is such a bubble. We both work and I wish I didn't have to, but together we still only make $200,000 which after taxes and commuting expenses among other costs for driving help etc. is probably much less than what OP makes. Since when is this a low salary for a family? We live in one of the most expensive areas in the DMV too. Cut out some of your expenses first. Make a case for how much you need to save and then look at another job if necessary.


NP. It’s not enough money once the teens start college. It’s just not. If you make a combined household income of over 100k (could be lower, I’m not sure), you are responsible for all of the tuition for in state. No qualifications for financial aid. So unless you are rich and have full funded college savings accounts, then it’s going to be a very lean time for you while you pay for college. It’s around 27k per year for Maryland in state tuition. I make 106k, and I am responsible for all of it.

If I had a spouse sitting at home (even part time), with the ability to help more financially, I would be irate too.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:16     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
I don’t understand why she can’t work full time ?

The poor guy has a stressful supervisory job, assumes financial responsibility for the family and she has a part time.

Must be nice to attend yoga classes while the other party is stressed out between demanding job and family finances.

As a minimum, have a full time job out of respect for her partner.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:14     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:Tell her divorce, or she works. I am a female and I can not imagine not pulling my weight financially in a relationship.
+1
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:14     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
What does your example offer to OP exactly? If he made 350K, he wouldn't be posting.


Well, we would be broke on 350K if we were not living WAY BELOW our means. You can make $150 and amass wealth. My posting is about making some sacrifices and prioritizing where to put resources. I know enough people on our HHI who are living from paycheck to paycheck.

To be middle aged and not be able to afford retirement and college? That is piss poor planning for a family with a DH who is low earner and a SAHM. I cannot even imagine the kind of stress and acrimony is there in his household right now. Obviously his marriage is shit too right now because who talks about his wife so disparagingly? I am sure his kids are not happy either.

OP's problem is not just financial. Nothing seems to be working in his life. His relationship with his wife is also terrible. No. No sympathy for this man.


Even with your own logic (for which posturing is the only reason), low earners cannot afford SAHMs.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:13     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Do a college cost calculator on current income vs. her making 50k vs. 75k, the additional income for a few years may not be worth what it will cost you in an inability to get Financial Aid for the kids. They will assume you were able to save for college on 250k, or whatever income will be when applying, even if that's a recent bump.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:11     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:[

Congratulations on being perfect, making perfect decisions, and living the perfect life. Also, you staying home is 100% the reason for your kids’ success. They’d be low-IQ high school dropout teen parents if you hadn’t been home at 3pm everyday.


Thank you. Yes, being perfect, making perfect decisions and living perfect life and making sure my kids are successful...probably did prevent my kid from being high school dropout teen parents who sell themselves on the street-corner. Maybe they would have been suicidal too or cutting themselves? Bulimic? Anorexic? Vaping? Who knows.

I don't agree with you though on them being low-IQ. That is largely genetics and nature. They were born intelligent. And nurture made sure that they did not muck that up. YMMV.


I've had enough. You sound exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:09     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:She already works PT. I would really take a look at what your motive is OP. I sense a lot of resent. I’m sure those hours she isn’t working provide some benefit and value to your family. Would her increased hours really equally enough financial benefit that it overrides what she currently adds to the family now?

I could be wrong, but it sounds like you are resentful. I don’t think this is entirely about money.


You say this like every hour she's not working is an hour she generates benefits for the family.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:08     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
OP, how many kids are we talking about? And how old are you and DW?
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:07     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:Only poor middle aged people should post on this thread. Preferably those with - teen kids who are pregnant, sexless marriages, wives who are unattractive/obese, husbands who have ADHD and porn addiction and ILs who are freeloaders.


Wait there are DH who are not porn addicted....
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:06     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
She already works PT. I would really take a look at what your motive is OP. I sense a lot of resent. I’m sure those hours she isn’t working provide some benefit and value to your family. Would her increased hours really equally enough financial benefit that it overrides what she currently adds to the family now?

I could be wrong, but it sounds like you are resentful. I don’t think this is entirely about money.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:02     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
What does your example offer to OP exactly? If he made 350K, he wouldn't be posting.


Well, we would be broke on 350K if we were not living WAY BELOW our means. You can make $150 and amass wealth. My posting is about making some sacrifices and prioritizing where to put resources. I know enough people on our HHI who are living from paycheck to paycheck.

To be middle aged and not be able to afford retirement and college? That is piss poor planning for a family with a DH who is low earner and a SAHM. I cannot even imagine the kind of stress and acrimony is there in his household right now. Obviously his marriage is shit too right now because who talks about his wife so disparagingly? I am sure his kids are not happy either.

OP's problem is not just financial. Nothing seems to be working in his life. His relationship with his wife is also terrible. No. No sympathy for this man.


Again. A total bubble. OP makes way above the median income in this area and the wife makes enough for some extras. They need a financial analyst to prioritize spending of his salary that includes college and retirement with his wife's salary likely going to any extras, but this is all totally doable in this area.


+ 1
I agree.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 13:00     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.


For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.


Wow! Me too!! I throw a killer dinner party every couple weeks, all cooked from scratch. And i made $450k last year!

But you were also able to wrap children's presents. Damn. I guess that's why my kids are addicted to opioids.


Sorry about your addicted LOs. You cannot post in this poor's thread.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 12:59     Subject: I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, if the kids are sick, can you take off and stay home with them. Can you do all (and schedule) after school activities, doctors appointments, last minute things as if she starts working she will have no leave and depending on the job, no flexibility. Are you willing to grocery shop, cook, make lunches, help with homework, drive for activities every day? Again, she'll have no flexibility for a while?


Of course not. His wife has a f/t job. If she increases her hours she'll have 2 jobs.



Why do high school kids need help with homework and lunches made? Do you make their beds and tie their shoes too?


+1 HIGH SCHOOL CHILDREN ... make their own lunches and do their own homework. My kids have been doing both of those things since elementary school. DH can grocery shop. In fact, once kids are old enough to drive, THEY can do the grocery shopping (I used to love that because I'd buy the good shampoo, whereas my did would buy me the crap stuff). Whomever gets home first cooks dinner. Drive for activities every day? Split between parents. No, she won't have flexibility for a while. He hasn't had ANY flexibility for a long time. WTF.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2020 12:58     Subject: Re:I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
What does your example offer to OP exactly? If he made 350K, he wouldn't be posting.


Well, we would be broke on 350K if we were not living WAY BELOW our means. You can make $150 and amass wealth. My posting is about making some sacrifices and prioritizing where to put resources. I know enough people on our HHI who are living from paycheck to paycheck.

To be middle aged and not be able to afford retirement and college? That is piss poor planning for a family with a DH who is low earner and a SAHM. I cannot even imagine the kind of stress and acrimony is there in his household right now. Obviously his marriage is shit too right now because who talks about his wife so disparagingly? I am sure his kids are not happy either.

OP's problem is not just financial. Nothing seems to be working in his life. His relationship with his wife is also terrible. No. No sympathy for this man.


Again. A total bubble. OP makes way above the median income in this area and the wife makes enough for some extras. They need a financial analyst to prioritize spending of his salary that includes college and retirement with his wife's salary likely going to any extras, but this is all totally doable in this area.