Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 11:42     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.


Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.


You keep covering for cheaters but fail to realize that your sex life is absolutely your kids business. Your kids have a right to know that you only have sex with your spouse and then only on times when it doesn't take away from them. If they find out their parents aren't perfect and one of them cheated, they will be decimated and will never trust another person again. So your obligation as a parent doesn't end when they are adults either and you must lower your desire for your needs to theirs. That's called being a parent and if it means you must be celibate because your spouse looses interest in sex, then that is what you signed up for when you procreated. Cheating is devastating for kids, just as divorce is. Own it.


ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.ha!
I cannot even respond to this most ridiculous absurd post ever. Boy I hope you are trolling, no real person could think like this.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 11:37     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
So you dad told you who he is, and is not, having sex with? Otherwise how exactly did he lie to you?
As to putting energy elsewhere: his romantic sexual energy has NOTHING to do with his children, and your mom did not want this energy, therefore nobody in the family was cheated of anything.
Again, it's YOU who has some weird issue here, confusing an adult's sexual behavior with their child relations. These are totally unrelated (excluding incestuous pedophiles).


You sound like a narcissist with terrible reasoning abilities. In our society, kids who live with married parents generally assume their parents are in a monogamous relationship. When they find out that’s not true and one parent secretaries tge other, it rocks the kids’ world. This really isn’t hard to understand. Stop pretending that everyone’s life is full of neat little boxes, just because that’s what you need to do to rationalize your crappy behavior.


That "assumed married in monogamous relationship" includes a reciprocal presumption that parents are, you know, actually having sex with each other. Because people are not monogamous with a sexually inactive partner. If, as you believe, kids CARE about their parents' marital sexual status, then their world should be equally rocked when told one spouse is sexless, which totally explains why the normal libido spouse is going elsewhere.

Stop pretending that kids really know (or care) what goes on with their parents' sex life.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 09:55     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
I think what you feel is normal and again as I mentioned to you, The only thing in my control with my dad would be if I had relationship with him. Again, this idea of justice is strong in my mind for the expectation of doing good for the next generation. Otherwise, why not teach kids to be just selfish in your relationships and not worry about anyone else. That is why the idea of justice is important to me.

BTW, don’t let this forum tell you how you should feel. I would feel the same way and as I mentioned, to me it is linked to next generation and right vs. wrong. If you don’t stand up for what’s right in your world, who will?
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 09:15     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:To the pp whose dad cheated: it’s hard. I guess if my dad had cheated, I would want some sort of justice and the only way that is in my control is to decide whether to have relationship with him or not. For me, this justice piece is somehow related to well being and expectation for justice for my kids because I teach them to do the right thing in life and you want it to payoff in some sense. Not able to explain clearly.

Thank you for engaging in a meaningful way.


I thought about that too. I dearly missed the relationship I had with my father and I think when it comes down to it, I am still the child and it’s not my place to play judge and jury with my parents relationship. It was hurting me to have so much contempt and hate in my heart for someone I used to love and trust completely. It wasn’t necessarily my or my siblings place to punish him. We definitely did at first. My brother hated my dad so deeply it was almost scary. Like we had to talk him down from confronting him physically. My sister (who is still financially dependent on my parents) thought she might have to drop out of school or take on loans if he decided to stop paying for her school. Luckily he didn’t do any of that...

When I posted on DCUM years ago about this happening a lot of the responses were “why do you care? Stay out of your parents marriage.” I care because it’s not just my parents marriage but my family that is broken now. I’m relieved to not get responses like that again because it really hurt to hear that I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion on my parents marriage.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 08:56     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
To the pp whose dad cheated: it’s hard. I guess if my dad had cheated, I would want some sort of justice and the only way that is in my control is to decide whether to have relationship with him or not. For me, this justice piece is somehow related to well being and expectation for justice for my kids because I teach them to do the right thing in life and you want it to payoff in some sense. Not able to explain clearly.

Thank you for engaging in a meaningful way.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 08:52     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^^ Stop rationalizing and admit to yourself that cheating can (and when the cheater is exposed almost always does) affect the lives of the cheater’s kids. Accept your character flaw, and the fact that is how almost every single person in your life who knows about it now or eventually finds out about it will view it, most importantly your kids.


Stop acting like 2 adults having sex has ANY effect on their children. Most cases the so-called cheater isn't even cheating: their spouse lost interest in sex and the normal libido spouse is simply meeting that need elsewhere in order to keep the marriage together for the benefit of the kids.


You need to see someone. Multiple people have spoken up and shared their experiences and you refuse to acknowledge that any of them are telling the truth? In their cases, two adults having sex DID have an affect on them. Just stop posting because you're making yourself look like such an asshole.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 08:47     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.


My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.


You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.


So you dad told you who he is, and is not, having sex with? Otherwise how exactly did he lie to you?
As to putting energy elsewhere: his romantic sexual energy has NOTHING to do with his children, and your mom did not want this energy, therefore nobody in the family was cheated of anything.
Again, it's YOU who has some weird issue here, confusing an adult's sexual behavior with their child relations. These are totally unrelated (excluding incestuous pedophiles).


This is a very cold and callous way of thinking about sex. Like it's purely a physical act, such as taking a dump. It's very odd, but I suspect that you are reaching for anything to defend your behavior.

Would you feel the same way if a parent was lying to their spouse about something else? You just don't think that how someone treats their spouse has anything to do with their kids? You have a very odd vision of a family unit. It's like singular beings who happen to inhabit the same space.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 08:29     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Because cheaters don’t care about kids feelings. This is a moral character flaw. It is them first and then affair partner, then maybe kids and lastly the wife.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 08:11     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.



Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.


It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.


I'm so I'm impressed with you and your mom. You are strong ladies. Just wondering why invite your dad to the wedding? Is your brother not as concerned about what has happened to your mom?


It’s been two years and we have tried our best to move on. He is still our dad and is invited to the wedding. He made mistakes but at the end of the day, he didn’t screw over my mom in the divorce, and has tried really hard to ask for our forgiveness and be back in our lives. Even though I’ll never forgive my dad, I can understand (on an abstract level) why he did what he did. I still don’t trust him at all (he’s still with the woman but lying about it, which doesn’t make much sense to us) but I couldn’t keep living with all that hate in my heart. I HATED him. Now he’s just my dad who has made a horrible mistake two years ago. It’s hard to explain.


Thank you again for posting. This is helpful to understand.

My question is that ultimately, there's no consequence for the cheater in the long term from his perspective. He gets to live the life he wants, his relationship with his kid remains intact as he sees it (you may not but he may be OK with it). Does this mean that there's no real consequence in the long term for the cheaters? They just need to show a bit of remorse to kids and then move on. I struggle a bit with this (not that my husband has cheated but conceptually).


PP whose mom was cheated on. I struggled with this too. He’s living his life with his new chick, he still gets to be “dad” (even though like you said the relationship is nothing like it was before, it is still there), he’s living on his own, doing whatever he wants. I think there is no such thing as justice. Bad things happen to good people, and bad people who do bad things still sometimes live happy lives. It took a lot of therapy to realize stuff like that. My mom wasn’t perfect in her marriage but at least she didn’t cheat. She is a good person and a bad thing happened to her, and her life is pretty shitty and lonely now. There is no justice.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 07:54     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.



Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.


It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.


I'm so I'm impressed with you and your mom. You are strong ladies. Just wondering why invite your dad to the wedding? Is your brother not as concerned about what has happened to your mom?


It’s been two years and we have tried our best to move on. He is still our dad and is invited to the wedding. He made mistakes but at the end of the day, he didn’t screw over my mom in the divorce, and has tried really hard to ask for our forgiveness and be back in our lives. Even though I’ll never forgive my dad, I can understand (on an abstract level) why he did what he did. I still don’t trust him at all (he’s still with the woman but lying about it, which doesn’t make much sense to us) but I couldn’t keep living with all that hate in my heart. I HATED him. Now he’s just my dad who has made a horrible mistake two years ago. It’s hard to explain.


Thank you again for posting. This is helpful to understand.

My question is that ultimately, there's no consequence for the cheater in the long term from his perspective. He gets to live the life he wants, his relationship with his kid remains intact as he sees it (you may not but he may be OK with it). Does this mean that there's no real consequence in the long term for the cheaters? They just need to show a bit of remorse to kids and then move on. I struggle a bit with this (not that my husband has cheated but conceptually).
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 07:44     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
I cheat to make more kids.
#infidelitypregnancy
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 07:35     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.



Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.


It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.


I'm so I'm impressed with you and your mom. You are strong ladies. Just wondering why invite your dad to the wedding? Is your brother not as concerned about what has happened to your mom?


It’s been two years and we have tried our best to move on. He is still our dad and is invited to the wedding. He made mistakes but at the end of the day, he didn’t screw over my mom in the divorce, and has tried really hard to ask for our forgiveness and be back in our lives. Even though I’ll never forgive my dad, I can understand (on an abstract level) why he did what he did. I still don’t trust him at all (he’s still with the woman but lying about it, which doesn’t make much sense to us) but I couldn’t keep living with all that hate in my heart. I HATED him. Now he’s just my dad who has made a horrible mistake two years ago. It’s hard to explain.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 07:18     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting that no cheating man has responded after so many children who were affected have chimed in.


Uh huh. Because only men cheat.
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2019 07:05     Subject: Re:How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
It’s interesting that no cheating man has responded after so many children who were affected have chimed in.
Anonymous
Post 11/21/2019 22:19     Subject: How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29. My dad cheated on my mom, and unfortunately I was the one who discovered the affair. My dad has a way more powerful and high earning job with great connections, and my mom works as a school admin. If he wanted to he could have decimated her in a divorce, so I told her so she could get things ready to divorce him.

It's been two years but things are very terse and cordial with my dad. He imploded my family because he wanted pussy. I will never forgive him.



Wow. I'm curious how you worked up the courage to tell your mom and how she reacted? How did she "get ready" to divorce him? How did you and she manage to keep it secret that you knew and for how long?

Good for you for recognizing wrong when you saw it and protecting the more vulnerable person in the family.


It took about 24 hours of working up courage. At first she didn't believe me. I couldn't even believe it myself but I had written (email) proof. I might not have told her if it was just a fling or something but my dad was planning on getting a new job halfway across the country (where his mistress lives) and totally uprooting his life to be with her. My parents were parried for 35 years. He probably would have strung my mom along for as long as he could before he would actually divorce her. She found a lawyer, got finances in order, and started to take a close look at her budget. She had to stop making retirement payments temporarily so she could afford her lawyer. I gave her a loan as well. It was hellish. It still is, in many regards. Holidays are incredibly painful. My brother is getting married in a month and there is so much pain about inviting him to a celebration of love and matrimony. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It doesn't make it any easier that I am an adult and have my own husband, life, live thousands of miles away. My sister is still in college and is caught between them and it's even worse for her. It affects us so much and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves.


I'm so I'm impressed with you and your mom. You are strong ladies. Just wondering why invite your dad to the wedding? Is your brother not as concerned about what has happened to your mom?