Anonymous wrote:plus I like my own version of independence. I don't need to scrape around for playdates on snow days and school holidays and half days or make 20 phone calls trying to set up a carpool to get my kid to soccer practice. So that is what works for me.

Anonymous wrote:Nobody know what you do during those hours. I have a similar friend who is always sending me job leads despite telling her that I have a very full day. I do a lot for my husband and kids that if I worked they would have to do. I am glad it allows my husband to focus more on his career (we are a team) and my kids focus on school and their activities. I am happy with this and she doesn't get it.

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Anonymous wrote:She’s a wack job. Don’t mind her.

Depending on the audience I say I’m retired and not going back to work (which is true for the moment) but in all honesty, it doesn’t even make financial sense for me to work bc any amount I would bring would make us pay more in taxes than what I’d end up so just say that...that it doesn’t benefit you financially for you to work.

Or I say DH travels too much so it makes sense for me to be home but really it’s nobody’s business. Anyone who questions you is either insecure or jealous or is too cheap. I’ve heard people say it’s a complete waste of my education etc but I just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.

That's not how taxes work.

NP - Of course she won't pay 101% in taxes, but most people do not count the true cost of working. When I quit to stay home, years ago, I was making something like $70,000. Because of my husband's income, it was taxed (between local, state and fed) at almost 50%. Add in child care costs, mileage and gas on second car, lunches, pantyhose, all of those restaurant dinners because I was too tired to cook, housecleaning service, etc. and I would have been working for $0 except the retirement contribution. Yes, it makes sense to figure out whether it is worth it to work.

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Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

There is absolutely no way this is true. No one would say the phrase “stay at home wife” at a board meeting. Nice try.

I hope those of you defending this don’t have daughters. And if you do, I hope you realize how hypocritical you are if you push them to succeed.

Of course we have daughters and push them to succeed! I want them to have all the choices in life that I did and that choice includes being a SAHM like me, wanting a full time job and a partner with equal hours, or having a SAHD as a partner. Feminism is about choices not constraints.

Actually feminism is about having the same rights a man does, it has nothing to do with a choice to stay home. I mean stay home if you wish but feminism isn't a part of this conversation.

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Anonymous wrote:She’s a wack job. Don’t mind her.

Depending on the audience I say I’m retired and not going back to work (which is true for the moment) but in all honesty, it doesn’t even make financial sense for me to work bc any amount I would bring would make us pay more in taxes than what I’d end up so just say that...that it doesn’t benefit you financially for you to work.

Or I say DH travels too much so it makes sense for me to be home but really it’s nobody’s business. Anyone who questions you is either insecure or jealous or is too cheap. I’ve heard people say it’s a complete waste of my education etc but I just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.

That's not how taxes work.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care what y'all do but the #1 reason BY FAR that I do not SAHP is because my spouse would even further check out and even further be unappreciative, unthankful, and ungrateful for everything I do running the house, raising the children, managing the sitters, planning sports/vacations/ECs, and bonding with the kids. He literally just tags along and works on his iPhone.

Interesting. This is my situation too except it’s a big part of why I continue to stay home. If I have to do everything anyway, I don’t also want a job too. How do you feel like your having a job makes your DH better?

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care what y'all do but the #1 reason BY FAR that I do not SAHP is because my spouse would even further check out and even further be unappreciative, unthankful, and ungrateful for everything I do running the house, raising the children, managing the sitters, planning sports/vacations/ECs, and bonding with the kids. He literally just tags along and works on his iPhone.

Interesting. This is my situation too except it’s a big part of why I continue to stay home. If I have to do everything anyway, I don’t also want a job too. How do you feel like your having a job makes your DH better?

how do you live like this? Sounds awful. And you depend on him financially too?

Yes. It didn’t start out this way. He had a less demanding job and was more hands on when the kids were toddlers/preschoolers. He has done progressively less and less around the house and now I just feel frustrated. I can’t make an informed choice about if I could go back to work or not because I have no idea what if anything he’d do to help me. He says he’d help but I have a hard time believing him.

This is such BS! I have an idea, go back to work and don't do any of the stuff except where it involves the children. Let him clean up, cook and whatever else he needs for himself. I bet he'll figure it out. BS on your wanting to go back to work, you like it just the way it is. No judgement.

He won’t do any of these things. He doesn’t clean anything. And he’d just make himself dinner and leave all the dishes. I don’t like it just the way it is, not at all. But yes I’m afraid my house will fall apart if I go to work.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care what y'all do but the #1 reason BY FAR that I do not SAHP is because my spouse would even further check out and even further be unappreciative, unthankful, and ungrateful for everything I do running the house, raising the children, managing the sitters, planning sports/vacations/ECs, and bonding with the kids. He literally just tags along and works on his iPhone.

Interesting. This is my situation too except it’s a big part of why I continue to stay home. If I have to do everything anyway, I don’t also want a job too. How do you feel like your having a job makes your DH better?

how do you live like this? Sounds awful. And you depend on him financially too?

Yes. It didn’t start out this way. He had a less demanding job and was more hands on when the kids were toddlers/preschoolers. He has done progressively less and less around the house and now I just feel frustrated. I can’t make an informed choice about if I could go back to work or not because I have no idea what if anything he’d do to help me. He says he’d help but I have a hard time believing him.

This is such BS! I have an idea, go back to work and don't do any of the stuff except where it involves the children. Let him clean up, cook and whatever else he needs for himself. I bet he'll figure it out. BS on your wanting to go back to work, you like it just the way it is. No judgement.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you're volunteering or otherwise doing something to contribute positively to the world.

If you don't want/need to work, that's fine, but to sit on your butt all day and do nothing is pretty unacceptable.

I commend anyone devoted to making sure their kids become responsible, principled adults, whether WOH or SAH, so save the sanctimommy.

Hard to promote that while sitting on your ass living on someone else’s dime.

Ugh, no, not in this case. We purchased our first home together because of the equity I earned from my first home. I am the ONE who singled handedly purchased every home we have lived in increasing our investment in each house in ridiculous amounts, thereby causing the majority of our wealth. I found those sites, I had the vision for those neighborhoods and I purchased what I thought would be the best investment. We then took those profits and invested in stocks and such, and there you have OUR wealth. I was a realtor in my former life (HATED IT!) but was good at it, so I am grateful he was a good boy and just stood back and shut up while I rolled the dice. That is MY MONEY, not just his and I have never sat on my ass spending anyone's else's money. But I get, you are a little green with envy. So do not care.

I have a gorgeous home i own outright, so not sure who you’re talking to.

Sure you do.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you're volunteering or otherwise doing something to contribute positively to the world.

If you don't want/need to work, that's fine, but to sit on your butt all day and do nothing is pretty unacceptable.

I commend anyone devoted to making sure their kids become responsible, principled adults, whether WOH or SAH, so save the sanctimommy.

Hard to promote that while sitting on your ass living on someone else’s dime.

Ugh, no, not in this case. We purchased our first home together because of the equity I earned from my first home. I am the ONE who singled handedly purchased every home we have lived in increasing our investment in each house in ridiculous amounts, thereby causing the majority of our wealth. I found those sites, I had the vision for those neighborhoods and I purchased what I thought would be the best investment. We then took those profits and invested in stocks and such, and there you have OUR wealth. I was a realtor in my former life (HATED IT!) but was good at it, so I am grateful he was a good boy and just stood back and shut up while I rolled the dice. That is MY MONEY, not just his and I have never sat on my ass spending anyone's else's money. But I get, you are a little green with envy. So do not care.

I have a gorgeous home i own outright, so not sure who you’re talking to.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't care what y'all do but the #1 reason BY FAR that I do not SAHP is because my spouse would even further check out and even further be unappreciative, unthankful, and ungrateful for everything I do running the house, raising the children, managing the sitters, planning sports/vacations/ECs, and bonding with the kids. He literally just tags along and works on his iPhone.

Interesting. This is my situation too except it’s a big part of why I continue to stay home. If I have to do everything anyway, I don’t also want a job too. How do you feel like your having a job makes your DH better?

how do you live like this? Sounds awful. And you depend on him financially too?

Yes. It didn’t start out this way. He had a less demanding job and was more hands on when the kids were toddlers/preschoolers. He has done progressively less and less around the house and now I just feel frustrated. I can’t make an informed choice about if I could go back to work or not because I have no idea what if anything he’d do to help me. He says he’d help but I have a hard time believing him.