Anonymous wrote:My AP and I both have reasonably comfortable partnership-like marriages where there is zero sex or even physically intimate contact.

Divorce would be tough for both of us. Sexless life was unbearable. We didn't ask their permission to live normal lives again. In both marriages, once counseling failed to bring sex back both of our spouses realized they held the cards in a certain way. We didn't want to break up our lives and homes and couldn't do anything to make sex come back.

So after years of friendship, including during the sexless phases of our marriages, we solved the problem.

And I've no interest in our spouses' input. They didn't seek ours in ending sex.

Excuse, excuse, excuses just like all cheaters. I really hope it all blows up in your face. A good friend of mine recently caught her husband cheating. She informed the AP if she see's her dh, texts, phone etc. she will go to her employment, notify her grown kids, and her family. She sent the AP a message from a burner phone.

You should just get divorced instead of the sleazy life you're leading imo.

Anonymous wrote:Women enjoy and crave sex as much as you do. If you think because she hasnt slept with you in months she hasnt been having sex you are sadly mistaken. Your attitude has driven her into someone else's bed.

I agree. She’s sleeping with someone else if this is the case. She’ll deny it but come on

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are her reasons for not wanting sex? Surely you have discussed this many times during your years of sexlessness and counseling. It it a physical/health issue? Depression? Loss of attraction or connection? What does she actually say about all this?

If he expects to get a straight answer out of her, he is indeed naive.

Never mind her words. Her actions speak loud and clear - she is not attracted to him.

It’s a bonus when your wife tells you this or says she has too much self worth to sleep with you...it’s awesome!

Women enjoy and crave sex as much as you do. If you think because she hasnt slept with you in months she hasnt been having sex you are sadly mistaken. Your attitude has driven her into someone else's bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I both have reasonably comfortable partnership-like marriages where there is zero sex or even physically intimate contact.

Divorce would be tough for both of us. Sexless life was unbearable. We didn't ask their permission to live normal lives again. In both marriages, once counseling failed to bring sex back both of our spouses realized they held the cards in a certain way. We didn't want to break up our lives and homes and couldn't do anything to make sex come back.

So after years of friendship, including during the sexless phases of our marriages, we solved the problem.

And I've no interest in our spouses' input. They didn't seek ours in ending sex.

Do they know?

Not PP but they probably do know and don't care. Probably have APs themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are her reasons for not wanting sex? Surely you have discussed this many times during your years of sexlessness and counseling. It it a physical/health issue? Depression? Loss of attraction or connection? What does she actually say about all this?

If he expects to get a straight answer out of her, he is indeed naive.

Never mind her words. Her actions speak loud and clear - she is not attracted to him.

It’s a bonus when your wife tells you this or says she has too much self worth to sleep with you...it’s awesome!

I feel you in this one. When my wife decided that sex was no longer a part of our marriage, then she made my sexy life not her business. Am I having an affair? No I’m not. If I was I wouldn’t say anything to her. She has decided sex and connection are no longer a priority and I’m not giving up my sex life at 40

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I both have reasonably comfortable partnership-like marriages where there is zero sex or even physically intimate contact.

Divorce would be tough for both of us. Sexless life was unbearable. We didn't ask their permission to live normal lives again. In both marriages, once counseling failed to bring sex back both of our spouses realized they held the cards in a certain way. We didn't want to break up our lives and homes and couldn't do anything to make sex come back.

So after years of friendship, including during the sexless phases of our marriages, we solved the problem.

And I've no interest in our spouses' input. They didn't seek ours in ending sex.

(sings) "Where can I find me a woman like that?"

But seriously, how much time a week do you spend with your AP, and when (lunch? evenings?). I don't get the logistics of such an arrangement.

Anonymous wrote:My AP and I both have reasonably comfortable partnership-like marriages where there is zero sex or even physically intimate contact.

Divorce would be tough for both of us. Sexless life was unbearable. We didn't ask their permission to live normal lives again. In both marriages, once counseling failed to bring sex back both of our spouses realized they held the cards in a certain way. We didn't want to break up our lives and homes and couldn't do anything to make sex come back.

So after years of friendship, including during the sexless phases of our marriages, we solved the problem.

And I've no interest in our spouses' input. They didn't seek ours in ending sex.

Do they know?

So OP, have you talked to her? What does she say?

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are her reasons for not wanting sex? . . . Is it a physical/health issue? Depression? Loss of attraction or connection? What does she actually say about all this?

I can't speak for OP, but based on personal experience, it wouldn't be surprising if she didn't actually know the reason. "I don't know" isn't a very satisfying answer for anyone. So, maybe she comes up with some reasons that sound plausible. She knows she's busy, so she says, "I'm just so busy all the time. All I want to do at bed time is go to sleep." So, he picks up some of the stuff she used to do. It doesn't help. She just fills her time with more stuff because: a) there is always more to be done; and b) at some level, she doesn't really want to have the extra time because then she might feel more obligated to have sex. Date nights do nothing. She blames it on pressure to have sex. But, when there is no pressure, that doesn't result in sex either -- she just manages to put sex out of her mind for long stretches.

Yeah, like so many others in this thread, I'm projecting my own issues; but, I think the point stands that she might not know and might have thrown out some false leads in order to provide some explanation.

My AP and I both have reasonably comfortable partnership-like marriages where there is zero sex or even physically intimate contact.

Divorce would be tough for both of us. Sexless life was unbearable. We didn't ask their permission to live normal lives again. In both marriages, once counseling failed to bring sex back both of our spouses realized they held the cards in a certain way. We didn't want to break up our lives and homes and couldn't do anything to make sex come back.

So after years of friendship, including during the sexless phases of our marriages, we solved the problem.

And I've no interest in our spouses' input. They didn't seek ours in ending sex.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are her reasons for not wanting sex? Surely you have discussed this many times during your years of sexlessness and counseling. It it a physical/health issue? Depression? Loss of attraction or connection? What does she actually say about all this?

If he expects to get a straight answer out of her, he is indeed naive.

Never mind her words. Her actions speak loud and clear - she is not attracted to him.

OP, what are her reasons for not wanting sex? Surely you have discussed this many times during your years of sexlessness and counseling. It it a physical/health issue? Depression? Loss of attraction or connection? What does she actually say about all this? And have you been direct in communicating with her - have you explained (rationally, not passive-aggressively) that the lack of intimacy is a big problem for you and that the marriage is in danger of failing? Do you still try to initiate sex or have you given up? Does she feel desired by you?

I don't know what you're like in real life, but you're a bit combative in your responses. Make sure you are communicating openly and lovingly with her because honestly, there is nothing more unattractive in a man than being combative, petulant, and passive-aggressive. It will only push her away.

I think you should decide whether you truly love her and want to stay married. Then work on communicating in a more positive and direct way, and see if the issues with intimacy can be fixed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

More often than not, the thought that another woman wants her husband's penis is the only thing that shakes a wife out of her sexual indifference.

+1

Agreed. When she feels secure again, it is back to no-sexlandia.

Mmmmmm penis.

Pro-tip: make sure she never feels secure. That's how you wound up in no-sexlandia in the first place. When a woman has your balls in her purse, is it any surprise she never wants to get them out and use them?