Yes i would be pissed because I wasn't invited. Sounds fun.

Lighten up, you have a LONG road ahead of you honey.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

Everyone is saying fake drinks; these are real drinks. What I would get at any party I go to. This is what I would want my dd to take from this. If everyone is ordering something you don’t like, there are other choices. My 8yo dd gets “fake” coffee (decaf fraps) from Starbucks about once a month during the summer. Is that glamorizing coffee?

The professionals are a great touch. Probably better than The kids making a mess of the makeup and polish.

My only issue is not that as an African American, the hair washing would have been a big deal for us.... takes both of us a few hours to wash, detangle, and and flat iron, that we PLAN and dd can’t just wash he hair on a whim every day. I would have been annoyed but sinc dd would have had fun, been able to fit in and not point out her differences (or her moms stuffiness) it would have been fine. And I would not have made the host uncomfortable or would have apologized if I thought I had.

Thank you for so much educating me that washing African American hair is a completely different process than ours & takes a substantially longer time.
My daughter’s best friend is AA & we’ve always asked her to come over to go swimming, but she’s only come over to swim a few times over the past 3 years (she’ll come over for everything else we invite her to/for (dinner, movies, museums, etc).

Would offering her a swim cap be helpful?
My DD is on the swim team and wears them all the time, so we have plenty... DD can wear them with her so she doesn’t feel different.
I know this precious girl loves the water, so if there’s anything you can suggest that would help I’d really appreciate it!

DP. Swim caps don't keep your hair dry if you go under water, and the chlorine still gets in your hair. The cap might help for just splashing around above water. Also, does your DC's friend know how to swim? As a parent I'd be reluctant to send my nonswimmer to a pool party where there is no lifeguard. I'd even be worried with a lifeguard because there is generally so much going on. I've spotted a child having difficulty before a lifeguard and have witnessed a fully clothed parent jump in and save a child before the lifeguard noticed. Both times my kids were swimming close by, so I quickly noticed because my eyes were on my kids. The lifeguard is scanning the whole pool.

My AA daughter was also invited to a similar party in 3rd grade and she was totally stressed out when she heard they were doing hair. She knew she wouldn't be able to decorate her hair like the other girls (and at our house, the hours of doing hair is NOT an enjoyable thing). I talked to the mom ahead of time and it was fine-- they put ribbons in her hair and stuff like that without actually trying to comb it. But I know she was worried for days before the party that she might be embarrassed. To moms out there thinking of this kind of party--I would suggest doing facials, nails, spa stuff, etc. but not doing hair. Or at least only doing superficial (ribbons, etc) on hair and not full on makeovers.

So a group of girls giggled, did hair and makeup while they gossiped by the pool drinking fruit drinks? There was no bullying? drinking? pot? sex? It sounds totally appropriate!

That all sounds fine. And fun! I could see being upset if they’d served real cocktails, but I can’t fathom anyone being upset over the fake version.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

Everyone is saying fake drinks; these are real drinks. What I would get at any party I go to. This is what I would want my dd to take from this. If everyone is ordering something you don’t like, there are other choices. My 8yo dd gets “fake” coffee (decaf fraps) from Starbucks about once a month during the summer. Is that glamorizing coffee?

The professionals are a great touch. Probably better than The kids making a mess of the makeup and polish.

My only issue is not that as an African American, the hair washing would have been a big deal for us.... takes both of us a few hours to wash, detangle, and and flat iron, that we PLAN and dd can’t just wash he hair on a whim every day. I would have been annoyed but sinc dd would have had fun, been able to fit in and not point out her differences (or her moms stuffiness) it would have been fine. And I would not have made the host uncomfortable or would have apologized if I thought I had.

Thank you for so much educating me that washing African American hair is a completely different process than ours & takes a substantially longer time.
My daughter’s best friend is AA & we’ve always asked her to come over to go swimming, but she’s only come over to swim a few times over the past 3 years (she’ll come over for everything else we invite her to/for (dinner, movies, museums, etc).

Would offering her a swim cap be helpful?
My DD is on the swim team and wears them all the time, so we have plenty... DD can wear them with her so she doesn’t feel different.
I know this precious girl loves the water, so if there’s anything you can suggest that would help I’d really appreciate it!

DP. Swim caps don't keep your hair dry if you go under water, and the chlorine still gets in your hair. The cap might help for just splashing around above water. Also, does your DC's friend know how to swim? As a parent I'd be reluctant to send my nonswimmer to a pool party where there is no lifeguard. I'd even be worried with a lifeguard because there is generally so much going on. I've spotted a child having difficulty before a lifeguard and have witnessed a fully clothed parent jump in and save a child before the lifeguard noticed. Both times my kids were swimming close by, so I quickly noticed because my eyes were on my kids. The lifeguard is scanning the whole pool.

Thanks for letting me know about the swim cap still allowing chlorine in.

We have our own pool & yes, her friend can swim as they were on the swim team together.
I talked to her mom about it last night & told her what I read & apologized that had I known I would have offered a different activity for the girls (as my daughter doesn’t care what they do, they just love being together). She also apologized for not being upfront with me about why they never came swimming.
I’m just so glad to be on the same page, as the girls are really tight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learning that you can have fun drinking "mocktails" isn't a terrible thing, either.

Everyone is saying fake drinks; these are real drinks. What I would get at any party I go to. This is what I would want my dd to take from this. If everyone is ordering something you don’t like, there are other choices. My 8yo dd gets “fake” coffee (decaf fraps) from Starbucks about once a month during the summer. Is that glamorizing coffee?

The professionals are a great touch. Probably better than The kids making a mess of the makeup and polish.

My only issue is not that as an African American, the hair washing would have been a big deal for us.... takes both of us a few hours to wash, detangle, and and flat iron, that we PLAN and dd can’t just wash he hair on a whim every day. I would have been annoyed but sinc dd would have had fun, been able to fit in and not point out her differences (or her moms stuffiness) it would have been fine. And I would not have made the host uncomfortable or would have apologized if I thought I had.

Thank you for so much educating me that washing African American hair is a completely different process than ours & takes a substantially longer time.
My daughter’s best friend is AA & we’ve always asked her to come over to go swimming, but she’s only come over to swim a few times over the past 3 years (she’ll come over for everything else we invite her to/for (dinner, movies, museums, etc).

Would offering her a swim cap be helpful?
My DD is on the swim team and wears them all the time, so we have plenty... DD can wear them with her so she doesn’t feel different.
I know this precious girl loves the water, so if there’s anything you can suggest that would help I’d really appreciate it!

DP. Swim caps don't keep your hair dry if you go under water, and the chlorine still gets in your hair. The cap might help for just splashing around above water. Also, does your DC's friend know how to swim? As a parent I'd be reluctant to send my nonswimmer to a pool party where there is no lifeguard. I'd even be worried with a lifeguard because there is generally so much going on. I've spotted a child having difficulty before a lifeguard and have witnessed a fully clothed parent jump in and save a child before the lifeguard noticed. Both times my kids were swimming close by, so I quickly noticed because my eyes were on my kids. The lifeguard is scanning the whole pool.

Anonymous wrote:I would not be thrilled w/ this party, but I do think you are making too big a deal out of it.

I get it. It's not your values. Mine either -- I hate the whole beauty thing and think it just makes girls value the wrong things. That said, I get that other people think differently and that kids like to experiment w/ make up. I also don't think the hair is a big deal at all -- it's for expression, not trying to be Barbie-like.

OP has no problem with putting too much value on “the whole beauty thing.” That’s precisely what she values herself , which is why skimpy outfits and makeup are ok but pink hair isn’t. And as OP herself said, none of this will be a problem with the “2 coming up after her” because they are boys.

I would not be thrilled w/ this party, but I do think you are making too big a deal out of it.

I get it. It's not your values. Mine either -- I hate the whole beauty thing and think it just makes girls value the wrong things. That said, I get that other people think differently and that kids like to experiment w/ make up. I also don't think the hair is a big deal at all -- it's for expression, not trying to be Barbie-like.

I also don't have a problem w/ mocktails. How many times have I served "champagne" (sparkling cider?) I did a casino night for my 13 year old and had pretzel stick cigars & cider (I did ask all the parents first, though).

Actually, my issue w/ the party is the extravagance! Movie (btw, my kids could never see Jurassic World and hope to sleep again), pool, pro makeup/nails/hair too? Wow. We would not be keeping up w/ those Joneses!

This will never be the party you throw, OP, and there's nothing wrong w/ that. But trust your kid and don't freak out on the friend mom about the hair. It will wash out. All fine.