Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

Geez, you sure have a negative attitude towards weddings. If it's such a huge imposition on you why not just elope?

I did elope, actually. And I don't have a negative attitude towards weddings at all - I'm the kind of person who would try really hard to attend a wedding even if my children weren't invited because I believe in being there for my friends and family. It's all the "I refuse to go without my children" people that are the ones with the attitudes.

Well, for some of us, arranging care is a huge financial and logistical challenge if it’s even possible at all. Not all of us have huge bank accounts or healthy, local grandparents at the ready. But as you so kindly said, you won’t miss me anyway, so I’ll save myself the trouble.

The drama on here is amazing. It's like you live in a third-world country where you don't know anyone. Or you just enjoy walking around like a martyr who never gets a minute away from your kids because you just can't. It is not impossible to find child care. And, shocker, you don't even need a huge bank account or available grandparents. But keep singing your song. And know that people just roll their eyes at you.

Anonymous wrote:We had a kid-free wedding.

I am a teacher.

I work with kids.
Telling them they could not be part of such a big event would have been hard.
I wanted the day off.

The few kids that were really part of my life, I found a way to include in the wedding party.

Now that we have kids, when there are out of town events, we decide which spouse is a closer friend to that person and they go alone.
This is a temporary stage in your life, having small kids, and other people's milestones will overlap your life.

Work it out, or skip it.

+1

Exactly. And (even) if there are no kids in the wedding party, that should be a tiny hint to the entitled parents! It is obvious that some people are selfish, and they really don't want other brides to have their day. Which is fine, but you don't have to make it so obvious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin is marrying her long time boyfriend. They have two kids (almost 2&5) yet they’ve told all guests no children allowed at wedding or reception. I find this tacky regardless, but especially considering the fact they have children and have been cohabitating for 6+ years.

90% is the family members on both sides are traveling and many of us have children. What the hell do we do with our kids?

Not the bride’s problem.

You’re being selfish.

NP and I don't agree with you actually. It's a practical issue. However, your attitude is pretty indicative of the breakdown of the family unit in this country...and I don't see that as a good thing. This "me me me I owe you nothing" attitude isn't a healthy one

I think the kicker is that it is a destination (or out of town) wedding for the vast majority of guests. I'm not saying the couple isn't entitled to this policy, but they shouldn't be too surprised if that's the reason people don't come / if they have family members who aren't happy with it. I wouldn't hire just any random person I'd never met to sit my kids at home; no different for somewhere across the country. That's not me being unreasonable, it's being a good/conscientious parent. For weddings that are in the couple's current hometown but require a lot of people to travel, sometimes couples who are hellbent on having a kidfree wedding but want to demonstrate that they care about their extended family and genuinely want them to attend will coordinate for a properly vetted local sitter(s) to be available, which is nice. Is this NECESSARY or owed people? No. But it is certainly a nice way to express to your loved ones that you appreciate that they've made the effort (and the expense) to travel to celebrate with you, and that you understand that your policy puts them in a tough position.

I personally had no problem with my loved ones' kids being at my wedding and thought it was great that family members who hadn't seen each other in awhile were able to spend time together, but I also am not the princess-y "my special day!" type.

We had a kid-free wedding.

I am a teacher.

I work with kids.
Telling them they could not be part of such a big event would have been hard.
I wanted the day off.

The few kids that were really part of my life, I found a way to include in the wedding party.

Now that we have kids, when there are out of town events, we decide which spouse is a closer friend to that person and they go alone.
This is a temporary stage in your life, having small kids, and other people's milestones will overlap your life.

Work it out, or skip it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

Geez, you sure have a negative attitude towards weddings. If it's such a huge imposition on you why not just elope?

I did elope, actually. And I don't have a negative attitude towards weddings at all - I'm the kind of person who would try really hard to attend a wedding even if my children weren't invited because I believe in being there for my friends and family. It's all the "I refuse to go without my children" people that are the ones with the attitudes.

Well, for some of us, arranging care is a huge financial and logistical challenge if it’s even possible at all. Not all of us have huge bank accounts or healthy, local grandparents at the ready. But as you so kindly said, you won’t miss me anyway, so I’ll save myself the trouble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

Geez, you sure have a negative attitude towards weddings. If it's such a huge imposition on you why not just elope?

I did elope, actually. And I don't have a negative attitude towards weddings at all - I'm the kind of person who would try really hard to attend a wedding even if my children weren't invited because I believe in being there for my friends and family. It's all the "I refuse to go without my children" people that are the ones with the attitudes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

Well, I'm not paying travel/hotel costs for kids who are not allowed to attend, nor am I leaving them with a stranger in a hotel room. And I have no one locally to keep them overnight. For a local no-kids wedding, I'd consider attending if I could get a trusted sitter. But frankly, unless you are a very close friend or sibling, weddings are a drag anyway, and out-of-town ones even more so. I'm somewhat relieved when I see my kids aren't invited - its the perfect "out."

if this is where you're coming from, just stop responding to this thread. Do you literally not get invited to child-free events in your own town? Dinner with friends? Date night with husband? Work events? Happy hours? You might deign to attend, only if you find a *trusted* sitter? You're a piece of work.

Huh? How am I supposed to attend without a sitter? I'm pretty sure I'd be arrested if I leave the kids home alone...what do you suggest I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

Well, I'm not paying travel/hotel costs for kids who are not allowed to attend, nor am I leaving them with a stranger in a hotel room. And I have no one locally to keep them overnight. For a local no-kids wedding, I'd consider attending if I could get a trusted sitter. But frankly, unless you are a very close friend or sibling, weddings are a drag anyway, and out-of-town ones even more so. I'm somewhat relieved when I see my kids aren't invited - its the perfect "out."

if this is where you're coming from, just stop responding to this thread. Do you literally not get invited to child-free events in your own town? Dinner with friends? Date night with husband? Work events? Happy hours? You might deign to attend, only if you find a *trusted* sitter? You're a piece of work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

Geez, you sure have a negative attitude towards weddings. If it's such a huge imposition on you why not just elope?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

Well, I'm not paying travel/hotel costs for kids who are not allowed to attend, nor am I leaving them with a stranger in a hotel room. And I have no one locally to keep them overnight. For a local no-kids wedding, I'd consider attending if I could get a trusted sitter. But frankly, unless you are a very close friend or sibling, weddings are a drag anyway, and out-of-town ones even more so. I'm somewhat relieved when I see my kids aren't invited - its the perfect "out."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

Because if you're the kind of person to always so no to a non-child wedding invitation, then you're also the kind of person who would tell everyone that you weren't invited (even though you wouldn't have gone anyway). So if you had made your no-kid-no-wedding stance clear, they probably invited you because they figured it would be less annoying to listen to you complain that you got invited to a no-kid wedding than to hear you bitch about how you weren't invited at all. And if they didn't know, then they probably invited you because they thought maybe you'd be willing to consider attending their wedding even if you couldn't bring your kids, like most nice, normal people would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

I had no kid wedding, and it wasn't a gift grab to invite people. It was I don't want you to feel left out in those cases. Those who didn't come also didn't send gifts. It is all good.

My main goal was at the next college or family reunion it wasn't brought up and I got the snarky "well we weren't invited" comments or questions which I've seen go down. I wanted everyone to feel included but not pressured to attend. End of story.

I never thought about this aspect, but I don't go to reunions. Makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with someone wanting a “no kids” wedding as long as the bride/groom/extended family are cool with this being the reason I don’t attend. I will not volunteer the reason, but would answer honestly if asked and my MIL would definitely ask. But it would be irrational for people to have their feelings hurt over our non-attendance.

If you're going to say no to a wedding invite simply because they didn't invite your children (without even considering a way that you could make this work), then I doubt anyone will miss your presence anyway. I know I wouldn't.

If you know that no kids would be a deal breaker for me, why do invite me? If you don't know, again, why do you invite me? Gift grab?

I had no kid wedding, and it wasn't a gift grab to invite people. It was I don't want you to feel left out in those cases. Those who didn't come also didn't send gifts. It is all good.

My main goal was at the next college or family reunion it wasn't brought up and I got the snarky "well we weren't invited" comments or questions which I've seen go down. I wanted everyone to feel included but not pressured to attend. End of story.