Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

No, you're being a control freak and over bearing.

Control freak? My daughter sees it differently—she appreciates having parents who love her and take good care of her

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

Recurrent exposure to food is the way to build acceptance and approval of that food. I assume you don't still feed your kids pureed carrots? How did you get them to eat other stuff? You continually offered new things to them. It doesn't stop at 18 months.

Is it not okay for people, including adults, to not like specific foods? You would force your kid to eat the same food over and over until they liked it? You’re not a picky adult just because you don’t like fish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

This may be the craziest statement in this thread.

If you are op, you've just told us everything we need to know about you and situation. I feel so sorry for exh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Report him to cps. If he isn’t making sure she’s eaten, it’s neglect.

Yeah, please run to CPS and tell them that her father provided high-quality, nutritious food and DD just didn't like it. Ask for him to be arrested.

Can you imagine? "CPS? My husband is feeding a 17 year old vegetables!!!! They're yucky in her tummy!"

CPS takes reports way less serious that that.

Anyone who is so comfortable wasting the resources of overworked, underfunded public employees who protect children is a horrible person. That would be you pp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this kid were living in a 2-parent household with other siblings and did not like the family meal that was prepared for everyone and was told to find something else to eat, that would make sense.

It sounds like this is one kid, going to spend time with dad half of the time, so there are two people in the house for dinner. And he routinely makes food she will not eat and then tells her to go make a sandwich. He has to prepare the meal that HE wants, regardless of whether the kid is going to have to go make a sandwich? So he's eating alone and then she's eating alone? This is such a bizarre way to treat your child during your custodial time.

I'm a single mom with one teen DD at home. When she's with me, we have dinners that we both like and we sit down and eat together. It's not hard. I can get my favorite sushi (which she doesn't like) when she's with her dad.

Men typically don't care about their kid's needs or wants. To them, parenting is just bare minimum effort. As long as the kid gets fed (there's food in the house, she just chooses not to eat it) and clothed and housed, that's the extent of their parenting. They don't care if the food caters to them, or that the house is clean, or that the clothing is clean, or fits properly or is appropriate for the season.

FWIW, we cook fish at least once per week. We try to change up the protein. As a matter of fact, we are having fish tonight. 17 yr old DD doesn't really like this fish but she'll eat it because that's how we raised her - to eat what you are given.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Report him to cps. If he isn’t making sure she’s eaten, it’s neglect.

Yeah, please run to CPS and tell them that her father provided high-quality, nutritious food and DD just didn't like it. Ask for him to be arrested.

Can you imagine? "CPS? My husband is feeding a 17 year old vegetables!!!! They're yucky in her tummy!"

CPS takes reports way less serious that that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

No, you're being a control freak and over bearing.

Anonymous wrote:Report him to cps. If he isn’t making sure she’s eaten, it’s neglect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

I'm not doing it AT them! I'm also not going to give up rice, tofu, and vegetables for 18 years because they're picky. These are normal foods that were staples of our adult diets before kids.

You say you do this "often." You purposely make a dinner you know none of your kids like and tell them to eat yogurt or something if they don't like it. This is a choice, and you're definitely communicating something to your kid. Imagine if you went to visit your parents and they made a whole meal they know for a fact you don't like, and told you, oh well, if you don't like it eat a yogurt or something? Children and teenagers are their own individuals and they're allowed to have food preferences. But unfortunately they're dependent on YOU to purchase food for them.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

Recurrent exposure to food is the way to build acceptance and approval of that food. I assume you don't still feed your kids pureed carrots? How did you get them to eat other stuff? You continually offered new things to them. It doesn't stop at 18 months.

Is it not okay for people, including adults, to not like specific foods? You would force your kid to eat the same food over and over until they liked it? You’re not a picky adult just because you don’t like fish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

Recurrent exposure to food is the way to build acceptance and approval of that food. I assume you don't still feed your kids pureed carrots? How did you get them to eat other stuff? You continually offered new things to them. It doesn't stop at 18 months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

I'm not doing it AT them! I'm also not going to give up rice, tofu, and vegetables for 18 years because they're picky. These are normal foods that were staples of our adult diets before kids.

You say you do this "often." You purposely make a dinner you know none of your kids like and tell them to eat yogurt or something if they don't like it. This is a choice, and you're definitely communicating something to your kid. Imagine if you went to visit your parents and they made a whole meal they know for a fact you don't like, and told you, oh well, if you don't like it eat a yogurt or something? Children and teenagers are their own individuals and they're allowed to have food preferences. But unfortunately they're dependent on YOU to purchase food for them.

I grew up with my parents making meals I didn't like all the time because I was picky, and my brother had opposite taste so someone was always going to be unhappy. I didn't even get bread and yogurt or microwaved leftovers, we ate what was on the table or went hungry. My husband was raised the same way. I think we're being FAR more accommodating and possibly coddling pickiness with offering these alternatives as is. "Nobody gets to eat Chinese food until Larla goes to college" and "no vegetable-based meals because kids are grossed out by veggies" is an INSANE way to live.

Children are not house guests who visit occasionally. They are people who are learning about food FROM their parents, who do the cooking and know what an actual nutritious meal looks like. I don't make food my kids dislike every night, I even try not to do it multiple nights in a row, but saying the tastes of my 6 year old should dictate our entire family's meals indefinitely is, again, insane.

There is a pretty wide spectrum between letting kids dictate your meals and regularly making a meal over half your household does not like. I care about my child being properly nourished so if I know they don’t like tofu, I would make sure there is another source of protein they will eat with the meal. Attitudes and ideas on feeding kids have evolved, by the way.

I grew up with a mom like you and I’m still mad about. She insisted on making sloppy Joe once a week. I HATED and still hate sloppy joe and it’s not any healthier than any other meat dish she would make. My favorite was a nice cheeseburger. Guess what was never on the family table?