Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gimme a break. A wife handling the family business is not a SAHM. She's directly contributing to the family's finances.

And nobody pays for 3 separate child care fees at $35k/year. They'd hire a nanny or get an au pair.

My exH thought I wax SAHM although I made 500k gross a year in revenues for the family business.

And we paid $5k/month to a live-in nanny back in 2009 in DC, when I worked in the office. Childcare at $100k for 3 kids sounds about right for 3 kids

No, that's not right. Even a nanny would be 60K or so. Or, did you have 24/7 care and never were with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?

It depends on the situation. If a woman cheats, yes... if he cheats, no. No reason why there cannot be shared custody or dad be primary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

So, if your dad made $300k/yr, you would have been fine with your dad leaving your mom for his secretary and not paying any alimony, even if she had stayed home with you and your siblings for 20 years? You would want your mom to get a job bagging groceries at Wal-mart, and no part of you would have been even slightly irritated with your dad?

Alimony isn't limited to wealthy executives leaving their wives for secretaries. A teacher making $80k can end up paying alimony too.

Being self-sufficient doesn't require maintaining the exact same lifestyle indefinitely. There's nothing wrong with an apartment once the kids are grown and it's just one person. I love my apartment and don't have to cut the grass every weekend. Don't knock it until you try it, pp.

Anonymous wrote:Gimme a break. A wife handling the family business is not a SAHM. She's directly contributing to the family's finances.

And nobody pays for 3 separate child care fees at $35k/year. They'd hire a nanny or get an au pair.

My exH thought I wax SAHM although I made 500k gross a year in revenues for the family business.

And we paid $5k/month to a live-in nanny back in 2009 in DC, when I worked in the office. Childcare at $100k for 3 kids sounds about right for 3 kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?

Yes. Probably men are fine with this.

Anonymous wrote:Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you?

The adult kids can choose to live with dad. Living in mom's terrible apartment is their choice.

Anonymous wrote:That your kids will forgive you?

Forgive him for what? Not forcing them to live in mom's terrible apartment?

Most men who dump old wives don’t want their kids at their home, or do not parent in any meaningful ways .

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?

Men only care about the women they’re currently screwing.

Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

He’s also got half the assets and 20 years of a jumpstart in his career thanks to her staying home. Why is she supposed ti live off assets and sell her home when he is at the height of his earning potential in his 50-60s, partially thanks to her ? Most alimony is awarded when a very high earner spouse got very significant benefits ($1m a year salary etf) thanks to spouse efforts taking care of everything on home front. It’s not 100k and 60 k husband /wifd earnings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

So, if your dad made $300k/yr, you would have been fine with your dad leaving your mom for his secretary and not paying any alimony, even if she had stayed home with you and your siblings for 20 years? You would want your mom to get a job bagging groceries at Wal-mart, and no part of you would have been even slightly irritated with your dad?

DP I would be disappointed in my mom's financial acumen for not understanding how to use half the assets she received to avoid bagging groceries at Wal-mart.

As an adult child I would be disappointed if my mom was forced out the family home or sell it just to avoid Walmart jobs, while my dad is living in a mansion with much younger new wife

There are some petty jerks on here - I can see why their kids won’t talk to them now

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

So, if your dad made $300k/yr, you would have been fine with your dad leaving your mom for his secretary and not paying any alimony, even if she had stayed home with you and your siblings for 20 years? You would want your mom to get a job bagging groceries at Wal-mart, and no part of you would have been even slightly irritated with your dad?

DP I would be disappointed in my mom's financial acumen for not understanding how to use half the assets she received to avoid bagging groceries at Wal-mart.

Anonymous wrote:Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

So, if your dad made $300k/yr, you would have been fine with your dad leaving your mom for his secretary and not paying any alimony, even if she had stayed home with you and your siblings for 20 years? You would want your mom to get a job bagging groceries at Wal-mart, and no part of you would have been even slightly irritated with your dad?

Anonymous wrote:"He experienced the opportunity cost of her not working as well. Her absence from the workforce was an opportunity cost for the HOUSEHOLD INCOME. So, he already paid for that as well."

+100
This is a fact that is never acknowledged! Instead of them splitting assets from 10 years of him earning $100k and her earning $60k, he only gets half of the assets resulting from $100k. He also lost out on opportunities to take a chance on potentially better paying jobs or taking time out to get more training since he had to hold down the finances singlehandedly.

If you are in this position, then I agree your spouse is a jerk, and you shouldn’t have stayed married to them.

Most people find that they have more opportunities at work if they don’t have childcare responsibilities and are able to work longer and more flexible hours. When my husband lost his job and stayed at home with the kids, I was able to go from part time to full time (60+ hours/wk) and earn an additional $200k/yr. When he got another job and I quit to watch the kids, he got promoted and increased his salary another $100k/yr pretty quickly.

Why would she be poor if she's got half of their assets to live off of. She's getting half the house FFS. what we're saying is she doesn't need alimony and isn't entitled to not have to work if he's working and their kids are grown adults.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?

Yes. Probably men are fine with this.

Anonymous wrote:Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you?

The adult kids can choose to live with dad. Living in mom's terrible apartment is their choice.

Anonymous wrote:That your kids will forgive you?

Forgive him for what? Not forcing them to live in mom's terrible apartment?

I don’t understand what men want here. You want the mother of your children, and likely their primary caregiver, to what? Get some minimum wage job and live in a terrible apartment?
Even if your kids are adults and don’t also have to live there with her, do you think this will look good on you? That your kids will forgive you?