Anonymous wrote:
If she doesn't know she can't say anything negative about any man, even if nobody knows anything about him (including who he is), then what might she say about me? Or you?

What if she decides to do what she wants and just leaves, as if it's her choice? As if she had any rights at all?

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Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

Agree she should move along though it sounds like she doesn’t want to.

What she actually wanted/wants was to get her bf to make the concession that he would remain married to her if she could not have children with him due to her future hypothetical infertility.

Once that concession was made, she could then wear him down about whether or not he would marry her if she just wasn't sure she wanted to have children, regardless of any infertility issue.

Because that is her real issue here. She knows no children would be a deal breaker for him. If she came right out and said she didn't want to have children or might not want to, the relationship would end

As you said, she doesn't want the relationship to end. She wants to have the bf and also have the option to be child free or at least she wants the decision of whether or not to have children at all to be totally at her own option. Exactly like the story posted by a PP somewhere on this thread. Except in that case her husband agreed to have no children, but then when she arbitrarily changed her mind later on in the marriage, he was ok with having children. He didn't care either way. OPs bf does care and told her so.

If OP could have gotten her bf to concede he wouldn't mind being married if they didn't have children due to her infertility, it's only a short step for her to get the concession that he would be ok with not having children due to her preference, or to have them lper her preference. II mean it kind of makes sense.

Except the bf didn't fall for it. He didn't take the bait that many guys would have taken of suppressing his own preferences to tell her what she wanted to hear,just to keep her in the relationship.

She's uncomfortable because she's created a real bind for herself. If she stays with him now she's basically telling him she wants to have children with him if they get married. If she gets married and changes her mind about that, then the failure of the marriage is all on her because she married under false pretenses..If she gets him to admit that there is some hypothetical scenario under which he would be ok in a child free marriage, then having children or not becomes optional and he's the bad guy if she decides she doesn't want children after they get married.

So she still wants this guy but is basically trying to flim flam him out of having a role in the decision of whether or not to have children.

The "he made me feel uncomfortable by his answer" is to cast aspersion in his preferences and also to gain support for trying to use emotional blackmail on him to get him to budge on this issue.

If the Internet validates her she will go back to him and say "Your statement made me very uncomfortable I don't think you really love me you just want me for my uterus.". Hoping for him to respond like "Oh honey I do love you I shouldn't have said that" to keep her from breaking up with him since after all it's just a hypothetical. Most guys probably would have just told her whatever she wanted to hear to avoid the risk of her throwing a tantrum or breaking up with them

I don't think it's going to work.

This is not a difficult issue he wants to have kids with the person he married no ifs ands or buts. He made that very clear. She doesn't, or at least wants to have the option not to have kids or some other similar issue such as timing or number if kids or something.

He's honest about his feelings, she is not.

Now she has stuck because she wants this guy but she doesn't agree.with his very strong preference the kids.

This is no different from any other important compatability issue like religions or politics.

Plenty of women here make politics their deal breaker if a guy isn't to the left of Mao he's undatable.

Or religion.

So the only way out for the OP is to tell her bf the truth and that she will not do. That would require maturity and a sense of responsibility towards her bf and towards the truth which she does not possess.

Anonymous wrote:This just all seems so sad. My mom and dad BOTH wanted kids. A lot. It turned out my mom couldn't have kids. It never occurred to my dad that he should even consider leaving my mom. They adopted. They just celebrated their 50th anniversary, have a happy marriage, and were wonderful parents. If having your own biological kids is more important to you than raising those kids with the person you supposedly love....well, I don't think much of you. Good on you for knowing your limits, I guess.

Anonymous wrote:It is a completely normal thing to say. He wants biological children. If you can’t do that for him then the relationship won’t work. OP should look into fertility testing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

Agree she should move along though it sounds like she doesn’t want to.

What she actually wanted/wants was to get her bf to make the concession that he would remain married to her if she could not have children with him due to her future hypothetical infertility.

Once that concession was made, she could then wear him down about whether or not he would marry her if she just wasn't sure she wanted to have children, regardless of any infertility issue.

Because that is her real issue here. She knows no children would be a deal breaker for him. If she came right out and said she didn't want to have children or might not want to, the relationship would end

As you said, she doesn't want the relationship to end. She wants to have the bf and also have the option to be child free or at least she wants the decision of whether or not to have children at all to be totally at her own option. Exactly like the story posted by a PP somewhere on this thread. Except in that case her husband agreed to have no children, but then when she arbitrarily changed her mind later on in the marriage, he was ok with having children. He didn't care either way. OPs bf does care and told her so.

If OP could have gotten her bf to concede he wouldn't mind being married if they didn't have children due to her infertility, it's only a short step for her to get the concession that he would be ok with not having children due to her preference, or to have them lper her preference. II mean it kind of makes sense.

Except the bf didn't fall for it. He didn't take the bait that many guys would have taken of suppressing his own preferences to tell her what she wanted to hear,just to keep her in the relationship.

She's uncomfortable because she's created a real bind for herself. If she stays with him now she's basically telling him she wants to have children with him if they get married. If she gets married and changes her mind about that, then the failure of the marriage is all on her because she married under false pretenses..If she gets him to admit that there is some hypothetical scenario under which he would be ok in a child free marriage, then having children or not becomes optional and he's the bad guy if she decides she doesn't want children after they get married.

So she still wants this guy but is basically trying to flim flam him out of having a role in the decision of whether or not to have children.

The "he made me feel uncomfortable by his answer" is to cast aspersion in his preferences and also to gain support for trying to use emotional blackmail on him to get him to budge on this issue.

If the Internet validates her she will go back to him and say "Your statement made me very uncomfortable I don't think you really love me you just want me for my uterus.". Hoping for him to respond like "Oh honey I do love you I shouldn't have said that" to keep her from breaking up with him since after all it's just a hypothetical. Most guys probably would have just told her whatever she wanted to hear to avoid the risk of her throwing a tantrum or breaking up with them

I don't think it's going to work.

This is not a difficult issue he wants to have kids with the person he married no ifs ands or buts. He made that very clear. She doesn't, or at least wants to have the option not to have kids or some other similar issue such as timing or number if kids or something.

He's honest about his feelings, she is not.

Now she has stuck because she wants this guy but she doesn't agree.with his very strong preference the kids.

This is no different from any other important compatability issue like religions or politics.

Plenty of women here make politics their deal breaker if a guy isn't to the left of Mao he's undatable.

Or religion.

So the only way out for the OP is to tell her bf the truth and that she will not do. That would require maturity and a sense of responsibility towards her bf and towards the truth which she does not possess.

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Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

Agree she should move along though it sounds like she doesn’t want to.

Anonymous wrote:Move on not in

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

How dare you say the children of two lesbians aren't biological./s.

Yeah she already knows all that it doesn't matter.

Science doesn't matter, logic doesn't matter, common sense doesn't matter.

As soon as OP admitted she knows her bf has the right to want to have biological children with whoever ends up being his wife, and she tried to shame him out of that by saying it made her uncomfortable, the thread was over, except all the demented posters trying to get her on and enable her.

I

He doesn’t need her to have his own bio children! That’s why he’s content to swap her out with someone with a superior uterus if that’s what it takes.

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

Obviously the boyfriend only cares about he himself having bio children. He’s not passionate about making bio children with OP, hence his willingness to leave her for fertility issues.