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Anonymous wrote:I think people are misinterpreting OP's complaint. I don't see OP saying that any discussion of travel should be avoided, but specifically that "pissing contests" over travel are annoying and unpleasant. To me this is a distinct thing. I love hearing about others' travels or whatever they've been up to that they are excited about (could be a recent trip to Japan or some new plantings in their garden or a new hobby or whatever). But I don't enjoy when family member or friends engage in pissing contests over anything but especially something like travel where this can easily devolve into who traveled the most or the furthest or went to the most impressive/rare place.

My family doesn't do this with travel but recently got into this pattern with charitable activity. Now I of course am very supportive of all their charitable activity! But some recent family gatherings have become weirdly competitive with people talking about their charitable activity in a competitive way and explicitly trying to top one another and impress one another with how much they are giving or volunteering. It's really weird!

My response to conversations like this is to not participate and look for ways to change the subject or exit the convo. It's the competitive vibe and one-upsmanship that is the problem, not the actual subject of conversation which is essentially neutral.

I’m a travel enthusiast. I don’t think it is a pissing contest when people share travel plans or stories. Maybe it sounds like this to a third party who isn’t engaging. I’m very passionate about travel and get excited talking about it.

We recently went to a Taylor swift concert. My daughter loves Taylor swift. I remember telling my daughter not to brag. She was so excited before and after the concert. She doesn’t know or care how much tickets cost. Her friends may have been also excited to go to Disney or their grandparents house in Michigan to spend with their cousins.

I’m confused. Why would someone brag about attending a Taylor Swift concert?

All of her friends like Taylor swift. Not everyone can drop 10k for a concert.

In this area? I’m surprised.

We can easily spend that, but not willing to spend that for a tween/teen. I have never spent that much on a concert for myself, so why would I do it for a tween/teen?

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Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.

Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.

Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.

It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.

Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.

Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.

You are being deliberately obtuse. There are ways to discuss these things without bragging. Do you really not know the difference? Or you just like arguing?

Well, give me an example. "Susie, what are you doing for the holidays?" - Should I lie, stare at my food, not tell the truth of where I am going to make yourself feel better because you can't afford to go? I am dead serious, do you prefer that others lie about their lifestyles so that you are not offended?

Them: What are you doing for the holidays?

You: We are taking the family to Costa Rica!

Them: Oh that's nice! What will you do there?

You: Visit the beach, do a zipline maybe. (This is the part where you don't need to give braggy details)

Them: Oh cool!

You: What about you guys? Will your mom be visiting again? (Change the subject back to them)

This is simply how polite, mannered conversation works. You do not talk too much about yourself.

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Anonymous wrote:I think people are misinterpreting OP's complaint. I don't see OP saying that any discussion of travel should be avoided, but specifically that "pissing contests" over travel are annoying and unpleasant. To me this is a distinct thing. I love hearing about others' travels or whatever they've been up to that they are excited about (could be a recent trip to Japan or some new plantings in their garden or a new hobby or whatever). But I don't enjoy when family member or friends engage in pissing contests over anything but especially something like travel where this can easily devolve into who traveled the most or the furthest or went to the most impressive/rare place.

My family doesn't do this with travel but recently got into this pattern with charitable activity. Now I of course am very supportive of all their charitable activity! But some recent family gatherings have become weirdly competitive with people talking about their charitable activity in a competitive way and explicitly trying to top one another and impress one another with how much they are giving or volunteering. It's really weird!

My response to conversations like this is to not participate and look for ways to change the subject or exit the convo. It's the competitive vibe and one-upsmanship that is the problem, not the actual subject of conversation which is essentially neutral.

I’m a travel enthusiast. I don’t think it is a pissing contest when people share travel plans or stories. Maybe it sounds like this to a third party who isn’t engaging. I’m very passionate about travel and get excited talking about it.

We recently went to a Taylor swift concert. My daughter loves Taylor swift. I remember telling my daughter not to brag. She was so excited before and after the concert. She doesn’t know or care how much tickets cost. Her friends may have been also excited to go to Disney or their grandparents house in Michigan to spend with their cousins.

I’m confused. Why would someone brag about attending a Taylor Swift concert?

All of her friends like Taylor swift. Not everyone can drop 10k for a concert.

In this area? I’m surprised.

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Anonymous wrote:"Keeping up with the Joneses" used to mean a new Lexus SUV and a country club membership, now it means seeing the Joneses on instagram hiking in Peru, using Epic Passes to ski all season in Vail, and sun bathing in Mykonos.

I mean ... it is the 21st century. People prefer to spend money on experiences over things. Not sure why you are so vexed by this. I would enjoy Mykonos. I have zero interest in driving a Lexus and I don't play golf. So.

It’s literally a scam. People are being duped into flushing large sums of money down the drain.

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Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just weren’t this prone to jealousy before?

Who's jealous? It's just shallow and boring conversation. Shallow and boring is fine among professional work associates but family are only together a couple of times a year and THIS is the most spirited dialogue now? It's sad.

Travel is not “shallow and boring conversation.” What do you want to discuss? Little Larlo’s soccer? Little Larlo is going into AAP?

You piss money away flying places to eat & booze to try to appear interesting. It's just mindless consumerism.

I don't know anyone who travels for this reason.

Some influencers seem to, but that is there job after all.

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Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just weren’t this prone to jealousy before?

Who's jealous? It's just shallow and boring conversation. Shallow and boring is fine among professional work associates but family are only together a couple of times a year and THIS is the most spirited dialogue now? It's sad.

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Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand why travel should be off limits. What should people talk about? Politics is off limits, same for religion. Perhaps books? That could be seen negatively too. If food or restaurants, that may sound pretentious. Jobs may be boring ( or not, but If not, then you are bragging.). Same with children as topics…say too much you are bragging. If theirs is struggling then you are insensitive. If you love running or peloton or yoga and others don’t, again you are pretentious or smug. What is left!

For me, I do read the room. If I’m with family or friends who travel or have a similar hobby, I go with that. If I’m with childhood friends and cousins who do not have similar experiences, I try to just ask about them, their families, and recall childhood memories for a laugh.

Nobody said off limits. It can be a topic, it’s just sad when it’s the topic dominating the discourse.

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Anonymous wrote:When I hang with my extended family, it's more about people's jobs, college, kids' sports, tech, etc.

My brother and his wife are literal millionaires and I had Thanksgiving with them last night. Here's what was discussed: some place in Northern Spain I've literally never heard of before, one couple who has a house in Marin, Sausalito, Hawaii, and Paris. A guy who has been to Japan six times. People hanging out with celebrities (two people there from LA - one is a millionaire), wine, plastic surgery, surprise trips to England and Spain, and food. I was the only person there who has never left North America, and there were six children there.

Everyone present at our Thanksgiving dinner is a “literal millionaire” (this isn’t as rare as it once was) and the topic of travel never came up. Neither did any other topic openly or tangentially about money come up. My in-laws in their 70’s, 3 couples in their 40’s, and 4 teenagers. It was mostly NFL talk, fantasy football, conversation about the food, my in-laws boring retirement social life, and asking what the teens wanted for Christmas.

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Anonymous wrote:When I hang with my extended family, it's more about people's jobs, college, kids' sports, tech, etc.

My brother and his wife are literal millionaires and I had Thanksgiving with them last night. Here's what was discussed: some place in Northern Spain I've literally never heard of before, one couple who has a house in Marin, Sausalito, Hawaii, and Paris. A guy who has been to Japan six times. People hanging out with celebrities (two people there from LA - one is a millionaire), wine, plastic surgery, surprise trips to England and Spain, and food. I was the only person there who has never left North America, and there were six children there.

I just looked it up - 76 percent of all Americans have traveled to at least one country - I understand many may have traveled to Canada and Mexico, but I do think you are in the minority.

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Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just weren’t this prone to jealousy before?

Who's jealous? It's just shallow and boring conversation. Shallow and boring is fine among professional work associates but family are only together a couple of times a year and THIS is the most spirited dialogue now? It's sad.

Travel is not “shallow and boring conversation.” What do you want to discuss? Little Larlo’s soccer? Little Larlo is going into AAP?

You piss money away flying places to eat & booze to try to appear interesting. It's just mindless consumerism.

Anonymous wrote:Travel-holics are only traveling to brag. The internet ruined everything because it removes the adventure aspect from even the most remote places. You can watch a video about your future plan trip to Nepal, the taxi you will take from the airport, watch a video about the Nepalese hostel you want to stay in, the sites you will see and the food you will eat. It both removes the mystery of the trip and the excitement of feeling like you are doing something very few others are doing. And every global city has been homogenized.

You saw some buildings, took a hike, and looked at some paintings. So what? You had some food at a hole in the wall off the beaten path? Wow, you sound just like Bourdain. There's not much food abroad that you can't find here in the states. All the destinations are crowded; hotels, airbnbs, and restaurants are scamming you. The show White Lotus captures this pretty well.

Mass traveling doesn't make you sophisticated, it should be much more stigmatized. Travel-holic NPC dweebs are ruining towns across the world.

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Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.

Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.

Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.

It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.

Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.

Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.

Exactly. This is why schools can’t give awards anymore, because someone’s feelings might be hurt. We’re all so sensitive!

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Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.

Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.

Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.

It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.

Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.

Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.

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Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.

Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.

Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.

It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.

Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.

Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.

You are being deliberately obtuse. There are ways to discuss these things without bragging. Do you really not know the difference? Or you just like arguing?

Well, give me an example. "Susie, what are you doing for the holidays?" - Should I lie, stare at my food, not tell the truth of where I am going to make yourself feel better because you can't afford to go? I am dead serious, do you prefer that others lie about their lifestyles so that you are not offended?

Them: What are you doing for the holidays?

You: We are taking the family to Costa Rica!

Them: Oh that's nice! What will you do there?

You: Visit the beach, do a zipline maybe. (This is the part where you don't need to give braggy details)

Them: Oh cool!

You: What about you guys? Will your mom be visiting again? (Change the subject back to them)

This is simply how polite, mannered conversation works. You do not talk too much about yourself.