Anonymous wrote:My dad was an actual diagnosed narcissist and my father would literally refer to our family vacations as 'your father's vacation', emphasizing the fact that he worked hard all year and therefore should get total control over what was done on the vacation, where we went, what we ate, etc. The thing is he was an alcoholic who drank heavily every night and then slept in late every morning. He also didn't feed us much on our vacations since he mostly drank his calories and didn't eat food. Our vacations were like a death march. We were tired, cranky and hungry. We still reminisce about how awful they were. If at all possible, don't be that guy.

Are you trying to say that OP is like your dad? Trying to dictate every second of the vacation? A death march because of all the activities she wants to do? That's a bit harsh, but ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

And also, her husband is similarly rigid about his nap.

To be clear, at no point did OP say that the family always has to be together or that she needs him to take a slightly later or earlier nap everyday. It just sounds like the kids want their dad to come with them for a few special adventures.

He won’t. His “nap” is too important for their special adventures.

Anonymous wrote:DH is a napper. He also makes $800k and is an engaged father. (I also work full time and make similar to him).

When we go on vacations, we go go go ..... and always build in down time from 4-6 in the hotel room every day. Who can possibly go for 16 hours a day otherwise? He naps, DS plays ipad or watches local tv, I do the crossword. Then we regroup and go out again.

What's the problem here?

Because the OP’s DH won’t do what your husband does. He won’t schedule his naps later in the day. He doesn’t care what anyone else in the family wants to do and he doesn’t care that his kids want to do things with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

And also, her husband is similarly rigid about his nap.

I’m fascinated by the people who think the OP wants everyone together 24/7. She’s specifically asking for him to be available mid-afternoon on some vacation days. That’s not 24/7 and it’s a super small ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

Yes, and I think this is the crux of the issue. Posters seem to fall into 2 camps: either 24/7 togetherness on vacay or not. I’m in the “not” camp (I’m the doc/napper ) but my family of origin is in the constant togetherness camp and it drove me nuts growing up.

I maintain that OP’s issue is 2-fold; a difference in vacation styles, and one parent checking out. It’s fine for DH to nap but he’s gotta give OP a break as well, and he also needs to suck it up and go on the Catamaran outing or whatever (and not pout; this is crucial).

Just to be mathematical about it, 24/7 togetherness for the whole family isn't possible unless they're sharing a room. Peel off the hour when people are asleep or showering and it probably doesn't count as 24 hours together for parents and kids.

That much togetherness would still be too much for me, but I think the OP's spouse's two hours is

a lot if it's interfering with things the kids want them to do as a family (because certain activities aren't available during the morning) and/or if OP wants but doesn't get downtime
perfectly reasonable if everyone is having fun without him

I can't figure out whether OP's main objection is that the kids want to spend time with their dad, whose primary concern is getting what he wants or if her complaint stems from some notion of How Vacation Should Be. If it's the latter, she needs to get past it.

Both parents need to be more flexible. DH is reasonable to insist that not every waking hour be packed to the gills with activities. Sometimes a mid-afternoon break might work out. Other times maybe they have a quiet morning at the hotel before heading out for the day at lunchtime. Or maybe they are up and out early, spend the day doing activities, and then retire back to the hotel after dinner. It's normal to want and need some downtime on vacation, but not necessarily at the same time every day.

And OP needs to let go of this idea that any unscheduled time is a waste and also the idea that everybody has to do everything together all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

Yes, and I think this is the crux of the issue. Posters seem to fall into 2 camps: either 24/7 togetherness on vacay or not. I’m in the “not” camp (I’m the doc/napper ) but my family of origin is in the constant togetherness camp and it drove me nuts growing up.

I maintain that OP’s issue is 2-fold; a difference in vacation styles, and one parent checking out. It’s fine for DH to nap but he’s gotta give OP a break as well, and he also needs to suck it up and go on the Catamaran outing or whatever (and not pout; this is crucial).

My dad was an actual diagnosed narcissist and my father would literally refer to our family vacations as 'your father's vacation', emphasizing the fact that he worked hard all year and therefore should get total control over what was done on the vacation, where we went, what we ate, etc. The thing is he was an alcoholic who drank heavily every night and then slept in late every morning. He also didn't feed us much on our vacations since he mostly drank his calories and didn't eat food. Our vacations were like a death march. We were tired, cranky and hungry. We still reminisce about how awful they were. If at all possible, don't be that guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

That's her problem.

I must say this thread is wild. I had no idea there are so many adults who take naps. My parents never did (still do not, and they are almost 80- they go to bed quite early though), DH and I never do, have never even heard any adults mention napping unless sick or maybe caring for a newborn? Down time/chill out time- sure, but actual naps?!? What??

At any rate I assume this must be a cultural thing if it is not a health issue. OP if your kids are that old, surely this is not new? Just do your best to schedule around the nap time and if you cannot- DH can choose to stay with the family or head back to the room. Most kids this age can sit on their phones etc for a few hours while the husband rests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

+1
PPs seem to be really fixated on certain parts of the OP that aren't even there - like how he will not move his nap. All OP says is he wants to nap "mid day", I believe it was a random poster that specified 2-4pm (OP actually mentions 3pm). But realistically, taking a nap is not abandoning your children or being some sort of deadbeat father

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

That's reasonable, but it seems like OP doesn't want to trade off with her husband; she wants everybody doing the same activity together 24/7.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild to me. I’m a physician who gets through 14 hour shifts in the hospital with no problem. But when I’m not seeing patients and have a day off at home, you bet I nap. If my spouse told me I couldn’t nap on vacation I would say I’ll see you when you get back, enjoy the beach.

Is your spouse a stay at home ?

Sounds like it because you expect to do what you want when you want. When kids are little, their needs come first.

You sound very entitled.

+1

Yeah, we all work hard, Doc. You just get paid better. Be a better husband and father, please.

Nice try ladies. I’m the DW. Husband is a fed.

Jesus. Who needs men to hold us back with you two around?

Observing that a particular woman's behavior could stand improvement is not an attack on sisterhood

Who said anything about an attack? Both posters assumed I was a man. The casually confident bias (from mothers, raising children, no less) from both posters is just as damaging to the idea of equality, moreso in fact, because they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Re: the actual topic at hand, our family functions the way most common sense-oriented posters on this thread have suggested. We do fun activities in the morning; by afternoon everyone gets to do what they want. If that means my husband and I take shifts so someone can get some downtime that’s what we do. That’s what I would suggest for OP to do (rather than multiple pages of debating the merits of a nap on vacation). Having one parent “check out” every afternoon would be unacceptable no matter what the activity was. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing for everyone. But since my only original point was that napping on vacation is OK, I will stand by that point.

Because I’m sure you are as aware of the statistics of parenting as I am, I am more than an involved parent, in fact, I’m the default, like most moms. I still nap. Worry about your own behavior!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always build in 2-3 hours a day of downtime even on active vacations, but the window of time in which it takes place is scheduled around the day’s activities, not the other way around. It’s totally reasonable to want some quiet relaxation time on VACATION (especially with kids old enough to entertain themselves) but too rigid insist it occur from exactly 2-4PM every day.

YES exactly this. Having to come back to the hotel at a set time each day interferes with a lot of fun activities you might do. When you have a toddler, that's just reality. With an adult, it feels very selfish and self-indulgent.

Agreed. But it's also okay for the family to split up sometimes. They don't need to do every activity all together, every day, on a week-long vacation.