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Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

That guy blew up his own marriage. The wife should be running to get tested for STDS not blaming others.

So not only did she get cheated on but she deserves to be humiliated in front of the whole world for it? You are despicable.

Again, that is DAVES problem. DAVE is the one who cheated and broke his vows. He is despicable. He is the cheater, and he is the one who blew up his family. Stop apologizing and covering for cheaters. You sound like a cheater yourself.

CLASSIC DARVO, PP. Why do you feel the need to insult and attack posters here who have done nothing at all other than have a different opinion than you?

Excuse me? I was called evil, disgusting and a host of other things. Please, don't tell me that I'm "attacking" anyone while suggesting someone who covers up for cheaters may be a cheater themselves.

Yes you were, because you are all of those things. Don't play the victim now. You are being purposefully obtuse and refuse to see how it is NOT covering for a cheater to choose to not publically humiliate his wife and children. There was a to let her know if that was the intent, and this was not the platform for it.

But it's totally fine for Dave to humiliate a young girl with his comment AND his own family by cheating on them?

Seriously, stop covering for the cheater. Stop insulting me and trying to blame me for defending myself. You are insulting me for having a different opinion than you. Take a look in the mirror next time you bring out DARVO.

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Anonymous wrote:Chances are DH was ok with keeping Dave's secret for so long because he also has a few secrets himself. The next post will be "Dave's wife sent me a letter, they were together on that trip and my DH cheated too."

He'd have to be a f##king idiot to out someone if he cheated on the same trip. C'mon now.

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Anonymous wrote:Dave is a horrible person, no doubt about it.

BUT I also despise friends who are ok with covering for their friends when things are good (DH knew about the affair and was ok with not saying a word) but when things go south then all of a sudden they grow a conscience and publically air dirty laundry.

I had an ex who would always bring up stuff I confided in him about when we were fighting. He acted so understanding when we were sharing and being intimate but always used it against me later during an argument.

When you do shitty things the reveal of those shitty things is out of your hands.

How about this. Stop doing shitty things.

When you have morals in the first place, you tell your friend Dave to come clean to his wife at the initial revelation of the information. You don't sit complicit for years until it suits you to go ballistic very publically. There are no heroes in this story. They are both shit people.

Nobody has the responsibility to police all their friends.

If you say a shitty thing privately you might get a shitty response privately, you do it publicly the response is public live with the consequences of YOUR actions.

You make no sense at all. Presumably, DH found out that Dave had an affair privately since they are friends. At that point, he should have told Dave that his behavior is despicable and advised him to deal with his marriage issues. I would perhaps distance myself if I found out my friend was behaving so horribly. But if you choose to be Dave's friend when learning about this information you are silently approving of it and you don't get the moral high ground later when you are wronged by Dave in a completely different situation. So either you completely stay out of it or speak up when initially learning about it.

Dave lobbed a hand grenade right at DH’s family, he Simply lobbed it back.

If you don’t want s**t to blow up in your face, don’t throw a hand grenades.

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Anonymous wrote:Who covered up what when isn't the trump card some seen to think it is. "Outing" likely hurt the cheater's family and caused public humiliation for them. That wasn't a precision strike, OP and Daddy Bear. The innocent family were your collateral damage.
You will now have that reputation among anyone who saw your "righteous anger" post and anyone they told.

You blew up the family 's private life.

No.

The cheater blew up his families life. The cheater hurt his family and caused humiliation. If one person knew about his romp it's likely that other people knew. That is absolutely humiliating for his wife and children. Why do you chose to shoot the messenger instead of the f##ked up cheater himself?

Dave chose to cheat, Dave blew up his own family.

Dave's wife and children deserve to deal with Dave's shitty behavior in private and not online as dictated by OP's DH. That's the part you don't get. No one is saying Dave is the good guy. But there are people here who presumably did nothing wrong having to deal with DAve's f-up's in the most public way. There are no good guys in this story.

At least his wife and family KNOW now, and can START to deal with it.

How do you know the wife didn't already know and chose to keep things private and work it out with her husband? WHo is OP's husband to decide the terms on how they deal with it?

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Anonymous wrote:Who covered up what when isn't the trump card some seen to think it is. "Outing" likely hurt the cheater's family and caused public humiliation for them. That wasn't a precision strike, OP and Daddy Bear. The innocent family were your collateral damage.
You will now have that reputation among anyone who saw your "righteous anger" post and anyone they told.

You blew up the family 's private life.

No.

The cheater blew up his families life. The cheater hurt his family and caused humiliation. If one person knew about his romp it's likely that other people knew. That is absolutely humiliating for his wife and children. Why do you chose to shoot the messenger instead of the f##ked up cheater himself?

Dave chose to cheat, Dave blew up his own family.

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand how people think that simply outing the cheater is "destroying a marriage". Are all these people cheaters?

Dave destroyed his own marriage. OPs DH just isn't covering for him anymore.

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Anonymous wrote:What kind of message does it send to your dd that hinting that she’s a bit heavy is such an insult that her dad is going to go nuclear over it?

That is not being a protective papa bear, that is a recipe for an eating disorder.

If even the suggestion that she might be a bit overweight causes dad to fly off the handle, what does it tell the dd about how important her weight is to her father? This is not the win some of you are suggesting it is.

Agree. Both mean are ahiles who view women as commodities.

Yep. The DH had no thoughts or concerns about PUBLICLY humiliating Dave's wife and family. The adult thing was to end the friendship, not drag innocent people into this.

I absolutely cannot believe people are defending this behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Dave F**ked up. This is a low-intelligence manuever. He'd never get a security clearance with dirty laundry like this. Good for OP's DH. I'd have gone to the guys house and whopped him.

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Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.

He said the truth to the detriment of his own daughter. By escalating the issue he brought more attention to the dig at her weight. It's not dignified (that doesn't seem to matter to OP) but it's also just not smart. OP should have immediately deleted the comment and blocked the weirdo friend.

No he didn’t.

Dave’s comments are to the detriment to the DD.

It’s amazing to me people are so programmed to blame the person who stands up to the bully instead of the bully.

They're BOTH bullies. How do you not see that?

Who did DH bully?

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Anonymous wrote:FYI troll.

No wife in that situation would speed dial YOU, of all people.

Do better Trolls.

This makes more sense as to why wife was calling OP. I literally can't think of another reason that she'd think OP is "sabotaging" her marriage just simply for existing. Thanks for finally giving a legit explanation, not sure why that was so hard for pps.

My gosh this site is full of such annoying people.

She’s be speed dialing lawyers, local besties and taking the kids to a resort to hunker down, or her parents house.

Not some woman far away whose husband posted something. Call the damn discloser if that’s really your priority, not getting some space from your std cheating spouse.

For all you know, she already knew. But she didn't prefer her private life aired for all to see. Maybe they've already had counseling and worked thru it. Now to bring it all up again is pretty low from some so-called friends.

It was already public.

How so?

If anyone other than crazy Dave and his whore knows it’s public

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Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.

He said the truth to the detriment of his own daughter. By escalating the issue he brought more attention to the dig at her weight. It's not dignified (that doesn't seem to matter to OP) but it's also just not smart. OP should have immediately deleted the comment and blocked the weirdo friend.

No he didn’t.

Dave’s comments are to the detriment to the DD.

It’s amazing to me people are so programmed to blame the person who stands up to the bully instead of the bully.

They're BOTH bullies. How do you not see that?

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Anonymous wrote:FYI troll.

No wife in that situation would speed dial YOU, of all people.

Do better Trolls.

This makes more sense as to why wife was calling OP. I literally can't think of another reason that she'd think OP is "sabotaging" her marriage just simply for existing. Thanks for finally giving a legit explanation, not sure why that was so hard for pps.

My gosh this site is full of such annoying people.

She’s be speed dialing lawyers, local besties and taking the kids to a resort to hunker down, or her parents house.

Not some woman far away whose husband posted something. Call the damn discloser if that’s really your priority, not getting some space from your std cheating spouse.

For all you know, she already knew. But she didn't prefer her private life aired for all to see. Maybe they've already had counseling and worked thru it. Now to bring it all up again is pretty low from some so-called friends.

It was already public.

How so?