Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We toured Princeton and the stress on that campus was palpable. Not a smile in site. Our tour guide spent 10 minutes talking about the mental health offerings and how more are needed.

Harvard, despite the cold and dreary weather, seemed much happier. We were surprised.

Is there an ivy+ school that isn't like that?

Everybody feels like there is only 1 pathway to success.

Perfect scores all the way through life.

Perfect college, perfect job, perfect marriage, perfect children, rinse, repeat.

Nothing is perfect. Help your kid find their cruising speed. Help them find their cruising altitude. Let them figure out their destination.

It’s why our son, who got into an ivy, goes to an LAC. He’s just not into the crazy social culture.

Ours too, but Rice.

Same!

We live in Bethesda, a place where many parents are Ivy League graduates, and their children grow up with the belief that they too are destined for those same prestigious schools. It’s startling how, by 3rd grade, some kids are already boasting about attending Ivy League universities, convinced that they’ve been on that path since they were 8. The pressure starts so young, but how can an 8-year-old even know what the Ivy League is unless it's constantly reinforced by their parents? My own kids had no idea about these schools at that age.

On top of this, some families overload their kids' schedules, thinking they need to expose them to every possible activity to stay ahead. Then there’s the booming travel and club sports industry, preying on parents’ insecurities and pushing kids beyond what’s healthy. When do we let our kids simply be kids? When do we allow them to have a normal childhood, free from the weight of adult expectations and the relentless rush to achieve?

Then we wonder why kids are depressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grade deflation at Princeton makes it worse than other places

The grade deflation policy was lifted in 2014. The average GPA is 3.56 now.

I think the issue just has to do with the pressure that the types of kids admitted to top schools typically feel now to excel at everything. If the first real challenge in your life happens when you’re away from home surrounded by other high-achieving kids, you’re more prone to think of yourself as a failure or an imposter.

I agree with this. There are also some studies that show that students that went to slightly lower ranked schools and much lower ranked schools felt more confident and were able to stand out among peers vs going to an Ivy and feeling like everyone else is so brilliant leading to believing you are not as good/possibly even a failure.

Son and husband toured two years ago. They saw a male student sobbing outside one of the buildings. Did not apply based on that interaction.

Anonymous wrote:I did not grow up here. Back home you stayed at home while attending college. The culture here seems so unhealthy and cruel to me in comparison. 18 year olds are thrown miles away from their home, friends, family all kinds of support system they have into a new state where they have to make new friends, take care of themselves and be responsible for their academics as well as their living situation. Its a lot for anyone to handle. I was so lonely when I came this country all lone, no friends or family. Its very tough. 18 year olds are expected to do all this and it just seems cruel to me.

+1. I am also an immigrant. I honestly think the whole moving away from home to attend a college is cruel and unnecessary. It is tough. The college environment is unhealthy. Kids don’t sleep or eat much. Plus they binge drink and have s.. . This definitely exacerbates mental health issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s the narrowness of kids’ views of the world, as a series of specific milestones and goals to grind their way past. They don’t see that there are a million different ways to live, some of which might suit them better.

Also, they don’t eat well, don’t get enough sleep, live in gross dorms and are sick a lot. College isn’t set up for health.

This narrowness applies to majority here also it seems.

x1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We toured Princeton and the stress on that campus was palpable. Not a smile in site. Our tour guide spent 10 minutes talking about the mental health offerings and how more are needed.

Harvard, despite the cold and dreary weather, seemed much happier. We were surprised.

Is there an ivy+ school that isn't like that?

Everybody feels like there is only 1 pathway to success.

Perfect scores all the way through life.

Perfect college, perfect job, perfect marriage, perfect children, rinse, repeat.

Nothing is perfect. Help your kid find their cruising speed. Help them find their cruising altitude. Let them figure out their destination.

It’s why our son, who got into an ivy, goes to an LAC. He’s just not into the crazy social culture.

Ours too, but Rice.

I went to Princeton and had a good time there, but I’ve also kind of washed my hands of the place.

They have by far the largest endowment per student of any school, so they don’t need my money. If they chase me down hard enough, I’ll give them $25 dollars every year and then donate hundreds to the scholarship fund for kids at the now-75% minority public high school I attended.

When I was there the eating clubs were about half selective “Bicker” clubs and half open “sign-in” clubs. It was understood that the Bicker clubs were for the recruited athletes and the wealthy, connected White kids, and the sign-in clubs were for the scrappier and more academically inclined kids. We thought the Bicker clubs would die a natural death over time or that the university would find some way to take them over or force them to be less exclusive.

Instead, the Bicker clubs evolved by opening their doors to more women and minorities, so now the Bicker clubs clearly have the upper hand again and you have kids absolutely knocking themselves out to try and get into these clubs. And if they get hosed, they can’t blame it on the clubs not admitting women, or Black or Asian kids (because they do), so they feel like failures. It’s sad.

Add to that the fact that the admissions department puts a premium on SES diversity while the faculty puts a premium on academic rigor, and you have even more kids with imposter syndrome once they get there.

It’s a beautiful school with amazing resources, and kids who can navigate the academic rigor and the social structure can still have a great time. But it’s a bit much, when there are so many other schools that offer a great education without so many idiosyncrasies. Maybe they’ll get their act together at some point, but the current president is a classic egg-head. He’s undeniably brilliant but has no appreciation for the challenges that a typical Ivy student might face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We toured Princeton and the stress on that campus was palpable. Not a smile in site. Our tour guide spent 10 minutes talking about the mental health offerings and how more are needed.

Harvard, despite the cold and dreary weather, seemed much happier. We were surprised.

Is there an ivy+ school that isn't like that?

Everybody feels like there is only 1 pathway to success.

Perfect scores all the way through life.

Perfect college, perfect job, perfect marriage, perfect children, rinse, repeat.

Nothing is perfect. Help your kid find their cruising speed. Help them find their cruising altitude. Let them figure out their destination.

It’s why our son, who got into an ivy, goes to an LAC. He’s just not into the crazy social culture.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s the narrowness of kids’ views of the world, as a series of specific milestones and goals to grind their way past. They don’t see that there are a million different ways to live, some of which might suit them better.

Also, they don’t eat well, don’t get enough sleep, live in gross dorms and are sick a lot. College isn’t set up for health.

This narrowness applies to majority here also it seems.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s the narrowness of kids’ views of the world, as a series of specific milestones and goals to grind their way past. They don’t see that there are a million different ways to live, some of which might suit them better.

Also, they don’t eat well, don’t get enough sleep, live in gross dorms and are sick a lot. College isn’t set up for health.

+1 million!

Anonymous wrote:We toured Princeton and the stress on that campus was palpable. Not a smile in site. Our tour guide spent 10 minutes talking about the mental health offerings and how more are needed.

Harvard, despite the cold and dreary weather, seemed much happier. We were surprised.

Is there an ivy+ school that isn't like that?

Everybody feels like there is only 1 pathway to success.

Perfect scores all the way through life.

Perfect college, perfect job, perfect marriage, perfect children, rinse, repeat.

Nothing is perfect. Help your kid find their cruising speed. Help them find their cruising altitude. Let them figure out their destination.

Our 600-kid high school had 2 suicides in 2 years. Read Anxious Generation.

Anonymous wrote:We toured Princeton and the stress on that campus was palpable. Not a smile in site. Our tour guide spent 10 minutes talking about the mental health offerings and how more are needed.

Harvard, despite the cold and dreary weather, seemed much happier. We were surprised.

It is the social stress as well. Getting into the "right" eating club etc.... puts added pressure on kids. For many smart kids who are not in the "know" or from places where the social connections are non existent - they are left out in the cold.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cornell just had another suicide. That school is HARD, and the weather often makes it bleak!

Is it the social atmosphere or academics? What makes it so difficult?

It’s the type of student they admit imo (anxious, striver)

Exactly. 42% (544/1284) major in Engineering, Computer Science, or Econ.

Add biological sciences (for the gunner, pre-med types) and we are well over half the class. Cite: https://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/?q=princeton&s=all&id=186131#programs

Princeton has built its bed; now it has to lie in it. Hope its donors are happy...