Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this isnt TDay related, but I just remembered one time that my mom and her husband invited me and DH out to dinner. We were supposed to meet at the restaurant at 6, and got there at like 550. THEY HAD ALREADY ORDERED AND WERE EATING! Like wtf?? We werent late, they just showed up at like 5 and wanted to order? So we ordered and by the time our food came they were finished, and they just watched us eat.
So f-king bizarre.

Just curious who paid? Like did they do that to get separate checks?

No, to be fair they are very generous and always want to pay for us. So they definitely waited for us to eat and chatted and paid lol.
I love them, but certain things do drive me crazy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother, sister, niece and nephew were scheduled to come and spend the night on Thursday with us. The kids are my kids only cousins and we never see them because my sister never makes them available. My mother also lives 1 mile from my sister and is totally enmeshed in their lives (picks the kids up from school regularly, babysits them, does all sorts of activities with them, etc..they see each other daily). Also my mother owns the house my sister lives in (just some background info).

My mother calls last night (Wednesday) and said she’s sorry but they won’t be making it because my sister thinks it’s too much for her kids to deal with having their cousins and sharing the attention of my mother. Her kids at 10 and 8, I have teens. My mother said it wouldn’t work for them after all and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked my mother if she would come then by herself and she said no, she couldn’t leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving.

I hung up and cried.

I’m so sorry.

Ugh me, too - that's not petty, that's monstrous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tomorrow, I'm going to Mil's for Thanksgiving. Should I turn her toilet paper roll to go over? Every time she comes over, she flips the toilet rolls in my bathroom so that the paper is under rather than over. I thought maybe I'd flip her toilet paper over from under to over then start her laundry, since she likes to do mine so much. She'll be busy cooking anyway.

Do it!

Under is monstrous.

Plus she’s busy. Def hit the master bathroom.

Make sure to throw all her laundry in together on warm and dry on hot as mine does to me without asking.

What is it about doing other people's laundry when they didn't aak? We were already married adults staying with my husband's parents and went out to have dinner with friends. We came back and MIL had come into the guest room, gathered our laundry, washed and dried it in one big load.

+1. Ugh, yes. When I went into labor, before it was time to go to the hospital, DH put clean sheets on our bed (we had planned on that beforehand) and made the bed. Everything was ready and in order, the way we wanted it. MIL took it upon herself when I was in the hospital to “strip our bed” and wash the perfectly clean sheets. She then forgot about them and left them in the dryer. Nosey B got told off by DH and she hasn’t gone into OUR bedroom since.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tomorrow, I'm going to Mil's for Thanksgiving. Should I turn her toilet paper roll to go over? Every time she comes over, she flips the toilet rolls in my bathroom so that the paper is under rather than over. I thought maybe I'd flip her toilet paper over from under to over then start her laundry, since she likes to do mine so much. She'll be busy cooking anyway.

Do it!

Under is monstrous.

Plus she’s busy. Def hit the master bathroom.

Make sure to throw all her laundry in together on warm and dry on hot as mine does to me without asking.

What is it about doing other people's laundry when they didn't aak? We were already married adults staying with my husband's parents and went out to have dinner with friends. We came back and MIL had come into the guest room, gathered our laundry, washed and dried it in one big load.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother, sister, niece and nephew were scheduled to come and spend the night on Thursday with us. The kids are my kids only cousins and we never see them because my sister never makes them available. My mother also lives 1 mile from my sister and is totally enmeshed in their lives (picks the kids up from school regularly, babysits them, does all sorts of activities with them, etc..they see each other daily). Also my mother owns the house my sister lives in (just some background info).



My mother calls last night (Wednesday) and said she’s sorry but they won’t be making it because my sister thinks it’s too much for her kids to deal with having their cousins and sharing the attention of my mother. Her kids at 10 and 8, I have teens. My mother said it wouldn’t work for them after all and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked my mother if she would come then by herself and she said no, she couldn’t leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving.

I hung up and cried.

This is awful! What is the background here? Why would they ditch you right before the holiday? (Not that there is a good reason for this). Wishing you a peaceful holiday PP, for you and your teens.

This is so awful! I hope this is the information you need to disengage from your mother and sister, and make your own plans to be happy and loved

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tomorrow, I'm going to Mil's for Thanksgiving. Should I turn her toilet paper roll to go over? Every time she comes over, she flips the toilet rolls in my bathroom so that the paper is under rather than over. I thought maybe I'd flip her toilet paper over from under to over then start her laundry, since she likes to do mine so much. She'll be busy cooking anyway.

Do it!

Under is monstrous.

Plus she’s busy. Def hit the master bathroom.

Make sure to throw all her laundry in together on warm and dry on hot as mine does to me without asking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tea and cheese poster here. I am glad I entertained you all but sorry I inadvertently derailed the thread somewhat.
All I wanted to say that it’s not too much to welcome the guests (even if they are early! Which is, I agree, a major inconvenience, but they are old!) and offer them tea or coffee or whatever. Then it is perfectly fine to retreat!
Offering lunch would be nice, but not expected from a typical “modern woman”.
Did the ILs commit a faux pas? Yes. Did they do it on purpose? I doubt it! They are old and anxious. OP might be there one day as well.

Except that you also wanted to make clear that it wasn’t enough for your brother to welcome you in this way but rather berate your SIL for not being the one to do it.

That’s your interpretation.
My point is that whoever opens the door won’t die of being polite and maybe even - gasp!- offering tea or coffee!

Normal Americans don’t offer tea and coffee to a guest immediately upon their arrival…maybe a glass of water at most. this sounds like a cultural issue.

Okay even better! Just say hi and ask if they want anything to drink! No need to do anything else. They are there to see the son, not DIL

I entertain MY guests, DH entertains his. Best I can do is point you to which bathroom to use

Emily Post is turning in her grave. They are ALL both of your guests. You are incredibly RUDE. Yes, its rude to arrive early, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother, sister, niece and nephew were scheduled to come and spend the night on Thursday with us. The kids are my kids only cousins and we never see them because my sister never makes them available. My mother also lives 1 mile from my sister and is totally enmeshed in their lives (picks the kids up from school regularly, babysits them, does all sorts of activities with them, etc..they see each other daily). Also my mother owns the house my sister lives in (just some background info).



My mother calls last night (Wednesday) and said she’s sorry but they won’t be making it because my sister thinks it’s too much for her kids to deal with having their cousins and sharing the attention of my mother. Her kids at 10 and 8, I have teens. My mother said it wouldn’t work for them after all and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked my mother if she would come then by herself and she said no, she couldn’t leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving.

I hung up and cried.

This is awful! What is the background here? Why would they ditch you right before the holiday? (Not that there is a good reason for this). Wishing you a peaceful holiday PP, for you and your teens.

I don’t know what kind of background explains it but my mother will pick my sister 10 times out of 10 because “she needs me more”. They’re 100% codependent, and my sister has admitted to me that it works out well for her that my mother drops everything and does stuff for her. I’ve been firm with my sister about her interfering with the relationship between my parents and my kids and she just said “sorry but I’m not going to change because I like having all the support so no”. I mean she actively interferes whenever I am with my mother (calling with “emergencies” so my mother leaves and goes to her, stuff like that) and most of the time my mother lies when she’s seeing my kids and tells my sister she’s doing something else so my sister “doesn’t get her feelings hurt”. My sister is 44.

I would grey rock or whatever it’s called but I have 2 kids who don’t have any other grandparents since my father passed and they repeatedly ask why their grandmother doesn’t come to events or games or plays or to our house like their friends. My mother lives 90 min away. We’d go to her but whenever we do she says she’s busy when we arrive so we end up having to entertain ourselves and just drive back. I stopped doing that. I don’t know what to tell people. My sister is horrible.

Never again.

Anonymous wrote:My mother, sister, niece and nephew were scheduled to come and spend the night on Thursday with us. The kids are my kids only cousins and we never see them because my sister never makes them available. My mother also lives 1 mile from my sister and is totally enmeshed in their lives (picks the kids up from school regularly, babysits them, does all sorts of activities with them, etc..they see each other daily). Also my mother owns the house my sister lives in (just some background info).



My mother calls last night (Wednesday) and said she’s sorry but they won’t be making it because my sister thinks it’s too much for her kids to deal with having their cousins and sharing the attention of my mother. Her kids at 10 and 8, I have teens. My mother said it wouldn’t work for them after all and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked my mother if she would come then by herself and she said no, she couldn’t leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving.

I hung up and cried.

This is awful! What is the background here? Why would they ditch you right before the holiday? (Not that there is a good reason for this). Wishing you a peaceful holiday PP, for you and your teens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I please retroactively submit a petty vent from Thanksgiving 2018? Great. Thank you.

DH and I proudly hosted our families - 23 total guests, ages 10-81. We carefully 3 adjoined tables in an L shape so we could all essentially eat together although one table spilled over into the (open) living room. I set a beautiful table. MIL sat down for the meal and first question to me was, “if money were no object, what room do you think you’d want to renovate first?” I was stunned and before I could say anything she added, “when I can’t sleep I dream that I won the lottery and I’m re-doing your house. I’d start with this (dining room) right here.”

Never change, Susan. Now MIL has a diagnosed cognitive deficit and so all previous nasty comments and remarks are to be viewed
as an early warning sign we missed…

I just got uninvited from thanksgiving 1 hour ago and you made my night! Honorable mention!!!

Ouch! How did they uninvite you? Over the phone?

Yes over the phone. claimed I never said for sure I was coming and that it is going to be difficult because the cousin I don’t like just confirmed she is coming.

Well, there are natural consequences for adults who can’t go along to get along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).

What makes you think my brother is a bad host?!
There isn’t much hosting required in the first place. It’s not like they are providing a three course meal on arrival and a fully ready guest bedroom lol. But even the bare minimum - bring the sheets and make some tea and maybe slice some cheese? Is now demonstratively left to my brother.
I don’t really care, it’s their family, but it just looks funny and eyeroll worthy

Your needs seem very specific. We don’t have tea in our house so if you showed up and “required” tea and cheese, you’d be out of luck.

Who the hell eats tea and cheese slices, anyway? What a putrid combination.

I feel like this is one for the dcum archives…up there with lightly grilled tuna

From now on the height of hospitality is to offer tea and sliced cheese to your guest immediately upon their arrival (but for full points it must be offered by a female)

With a husband who has been “mommy tracked”!

Anonymous wrote:Yup, you win.

+1. What a petty woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Why can’t you stop at Starbucks before arriving? Isn’t them offering you a place to stay enough? Make your own tea. Why does SIL have to be involved? She probably dislikes you as much as you dislike her and thinks you’re a bad houseguest.

Anonymous wrote:My mother, sister, niece and nephew were scheduled to come and spend the night on Thursday with us. The kids are my kids only cousins and we never see them because my sister never makes them available. My mother also lives 1 mile from my sister and is totally enmeshed in their lives (picks the kids up from school regularly, babysits them, does all sorts of activities with them, etc..they see each other daily). Also my mother owns the house my sister lives in (just some background info).

My mother calls last night (Wednesday) and said she’s sorry but they won’t be making it because my sister thinks it’s too much for her kids to deal with having their cousins and sharing the attention of my mother. Her kids at 10 and 8, I have teens. My mother said it wouldn’t work for them after all and to have a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked my mother if she would come then by herself and she said no, she couldn’t leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving.

I hung up and cried.

I’m so sorry, that’s ridiculous.

I assume this isn’t the first time they’ve done something like this. For me… I would probably grey rock them and not make any future efforts.