Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

Having a bigger house or access to good schools are not purely a status choice those. I don't think I'm "status-obsessed" and I generally don't care what people do, how much money they have, the brands of their clothes or cars or colleges, or who they know. But if I had the chance to live in a bigger home, I'd jump at it. Not because it would impress anyone but because I live in 1100 sq ft and sometimes it's tight.

And yeah, all parents want good schools for their kids. There may be status loaded into "good schools" for some people, but for plenty of people it's about actual concrete benefits, like having kids at a school with low teacher turnover or that offers extra-curriculars their kid would enjoy.

Moving in order to afford more space, nicer neighborhoods, or better schools is not automatically about status. It's mostly about cost efficiency.

It's about money. Which is closely tied to status. It's not about any of the other nonsense reasons being bandied about. People moved to d.c. when younger thinking they would win the game but it's highly competitive. Most people can't be winners in that game. Many people have unrealistic expectations and are entitled.

There is also resentment. Why doesn't my husband make more money? It's all his fault. Doesn't he know I only married him for the money and status I thought he could provide to me?

I am unhappy, it is his fault, therefore his wants and needs don't matter. If he doesn't do as I say I will kidnap the children.

Makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

Exactly. It's about money and status. They don't hate the parental culture, they ARE the culture. They just dislike where they think they stand in it. They geoarbitage to a place where they feel they will have a higher relative status. Smaller pond so to speak.

Even if true, what is wrong with that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

Exactly. It's about money and status. They don't hate the parental culture, they ARE the culture. They just dislike where they think they stand in it. They geoarbitage to a place where they feel they will have a higher relative status. Smaller pond so to speak.

Anonymous wrote:I did too. DC sucks. Spouse did not care what I thought. I split when kids were out of the house and never looked back.

That's fine. You had enough sense not to threaten to abduct your children across state lines. OP can wait until her kids are out of the house

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

Having a bigger house or access to good schools are not purely a status choice those. I don't think I'm "status-obsessed" and I generally don't care what people do, how much money they have, the brands of their clothes or cars or colleges, or who they know. But if I had the chance to live in a bigger home, I'd jump at it. Not because it would impress anyone but because I live in 1100 sq ft and sometimes it's tight.

And yeah, all parents want good schools for their kids. There may be status loaded into "good schools" for some people, but for plenty of people it's about actual concrete benefits, like having kids at a school with low teacher turnover or that offers extra-curriculars their kid would enjoy.

Moving in order to afford more space, nicer neighborhoods, or better schools is not automatically about status. It's mostly about cost efficiency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places. Is around parenting different from parental culture?

Anonymous wrote:None of you said where exactly you live…

My bet is Northern VA....and I don't like it either. but the kids are happy so we will stay till retirement and make the best of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wherever you go, there you are.

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters!

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this.

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move elsewhere.


The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money. It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton. She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status. OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture. She can't afford the best private schools. She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle. She can't afford a new SUV every year.

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead. May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's. She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton. It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return? She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house? Maybe maybe not. It's a gamble. You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents. She doesn't. She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed? Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth. apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it? Nothing requires you to participate. It's your own insecurities at play. Thats you, not where you live. You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care. But you obviously do

Oh my god, listen to yourself.

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

Nothing is stopping her. She has the money to go and buy a house.

The whole issue is that she threatened to abduct her children across state lines to go with her in order to coerce her husband to agree to it.

That was dumb and probably criminal behavior. So she was trying to literally blackmail her husband into moving by threatening him with child abduction across state lines. Her own lawyer told her that wasn't a good idea.

If a guy did that to his wife here DCUM would be saying he's an unfit parent.

Because the genders are switched she's a DCUM hero for actually blackmailing her husband by threatening to commit felony child abduction.

Nah. OP is lucky her husband didn't file criminal charges against her.

Time for her to STFU about this before she gets.herself in real trouble listening to the DCUM whacko feminist squad.

Anonymous wrote:We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.

It's funny to see how often the "people in DC are competitive and status obsessed" turns into "so we moved and now we have a big house in the best neighborhood."

I did too. DC sucks. Spouse did not care what I thought. I split when kids were out of the house and never looked back.

Anonymous wrote:Like a fat girl who claims she's not jealous of the sexy girls, but that she hates that people think all the other fat girls including her are jealous of the sexy girls.

To be clear:

So now rich moms with big houses and nice SUVs are "the sexy girls" and middle class moms in townhouses with regular cars are "fat girls"? And we are engaged in a conversation about who has higher status and who is jealous of whom?

Yes, this area is great, nothing wrong with the culture. Why would anyone want to leave?

Like a fat girl who claims she's not jealous of the sexy girls, but that she hates that people think all the other fat girls including her are jealous of the sexy girls.

We lived in a tiny townhome in a middling to slightly depressing neighborhood in NOVA. Then we sold, moved out of the area to a mid-size city, and bought a gracious, large, 100-year-old home with a big, landscaped yard, a wrap-around porch. We are living in the best neighborhood in town, with good schools and walkable to a village center with tons of shops and restaurants.

Move.