Anonymous
Post 09/04/2021 08:18     Subject: Re:toxic rumor child wants to leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I went to a college where, to my devastation, about half a dozen of my bullies also went. It was hardcore bullying, from 1st through 12th grades. From emotional, to physical. Teachers and admin and parents were involved, kids got suspended, my parents hired a lawyer, it was hardcore.

And when I walked into a class and saw 4 kids who'd tortured me, my heart sank. I booked it out of there the second we were excused, and ran to call my mom. She told me college is big (I wasn't at a big school, but college is always bigger than high school) and I needed to make friends with other kids and let them see what a great person I was. I still got teased by those four and they said horrible things about me to everyone in that class. But I seemed .. perfectly nice. Because I was. So the other kids didn't really put a lot of stock into what my bullies said. One of them was especially vicious one day, and so as he went to sit down I kicked his chair out from under him, letting him fall hard to the floor - something he'd done to me countless times. He shut up after that.


Moral of your story is to resort to bullying?


Seems you don’t understand what bullying is. Read the definition of it. What I did was not bullying.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2021 08:07     Subject: Re:toxic rumor child wants to leave
Ugh. I’d sue for defamation. And I say that as a defense attorney who pretty much never tells anyone to sue. I am so sorry your poor kid is going through this.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2021 08:03     Subject: Re:toxic rumor child wants to leave
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I went to a college where, to my devastation, about half a dozen of my bullies also went. It was hardcore bullying, from 1st through 12th grades. From emotional, to physical. Teachers and admin and parents were involved, kids got suspended, my parents hired a lawyer, it was hardcore.

And when I walked into a class and saw 4 kids who'd tortured me, my heart sank. I booked it out of there the second we were excused, and ran to call my mom. She told me college is big (I wasn't at a big school, but college is always bigger than high school) and I needed to make friends with other kids and let them see what a great person I was. I still got teased by those four and they said horrible things about me to everyone in that class. But I seemed .. perfectly nice. Because I was. So the other kids didn't really put a lot of stock into what my bullies said. One of them was especially vicious one day, and so as he went to sit down I kicked his chair out from under him, letting him fall hard to the floor - something he'd done to me countless times. He shut up after that.


Moral of your story is to resort to bullying?


+1. The best part of the PP’s post is that she immediately precedes this by claiming to be “perfectly nice”.

Moral of the story? Don’t become a bully yourself. There’s nothing wrong with starting over.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2021 07:59     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
it sounds like a date rape type thing.
you either hit it head on - like the pp suggested, sue for defamation
or you leave and change your name
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2021 07:57     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
Anonymous wrote:Op here. A few things. Yeah. I’m not going to repeat the rumor. Let’s just say it’s a really shorty rumor and I’m 100% sure it’s not true (and not just bc im the mom). But guess what! Rumors don’t care if they’re true. They spread anyway (just look at this thread wow! People who know nothing are ready to wish my child very ill).
Also, he did delete all social media long ago but the scary news is that you don’t have to be on social media for social media to share rumors about you. These kids are all networked and plugged into together. Not being on social media does not protect you.
Thank you for all the sincere posters who offered advice and well wishes. I’m not sure what he’s going to do. It’s a really really unfair situation. Thank you for lending an ear.


Did an identifiable person start the rumor? I'd sue that person if I could prove the rumor is false as your son is suffering significant harm.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 23:37     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
The start of freshman year is an extension of high school. Lots of kids are sad, feeling insecure, and just latching on to something to make them feel included which for some is rumors and stuff. making them feel part of something.

And I have a hard time believing that this rumor is know by all students at the school and older students would waste their time caring about this.

I went to a small college - 3k total students - and still I never met or could recognize everyone in the entire freshman class.

Now if the rumor is something nefarious like involvement in a someone’s death or sex offense - than yeah I could see why some people might legitimately avoid.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 23:25     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
OP don’t let him run away from this. You truly can’t run away - he needs to rise above it. I also don’t see the need to stay off social media, that’s just giving in and erasing anything that would prove the rumor false. I dealt with a similar thing in early high school. Switched schools (that was part of the reason but not all). I was much happier and had a great end to high school. I went far away for college. Started my first job in a large city & it turned out one of my bullies was the year ahead of me at the firm and one was in my training class. I almost passed out. Called my mom in a panic and she reminded me that cream always rises to the top. It was tough to encounter these 2 occasionally, but I just did my own thing and didn’t let them upset me at this point.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 22:34     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
My heart goes to you, OP! I feel that if he makes some friends it will get better. I would not pull him out right away but watch for signs of depression etc. He may need to be upfront about this situation to new friends, he may need your help on how to talk about it. He will surely be able to find people who are not buying into gossip. I had once an interview question about what to do when someone comes for help and shares a difficult situation. I remember responding that I would be interested in the safety of that person, first and foremost, but I would also be mindful that not all allegations are true.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 22:33     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
Change his name.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 22:23     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
That’s awful, OP. Hopefully in couple years, when all these classmates join the workforce, they’ll be too busy to continue pushing false rumors.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 22:11     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
Anonymous wrote:Op here. A few things. Yeah. I’m not going to repeat the rumor. Let’s just say it’s a really shorty rumor and I’m 100% sure it’s not true (and not just bc im the mom). But guess what! Rumors don’t care if they’re true. They spread anyway (just look at this thread wow! People who know nothing are ready to wish my child very ill).
Also, he did delete all social media long ago but the scary news is that you don’t have to be on social media for social media to share rumors about you. These kids are all networked and plugged into together. Not being on social media does not protect you.
Thank you for all the sincere posters who offered advice and well wishes. I’m not sure what he’s going to do. It’s a really really unfair situation. Thank you for lending an ear.


Good luck OP.

If he does go back to social media, do it under a nickname, not everyone uses their real name.

And please let him transfer and go somewhere most people from this area don't attend, and that no one from his high school attends. I did this just because I was in private school and felt like I had enough of my classmates after 12 freaking years.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 21:57     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
Op here. A few things. Yeah. I’m not going to repeat the rumor. Let’s just say it’s a really shorty rumor and I’m 100% sure it’s not true (and not just bc im the mom). But guess what! Rumors don’t care if they’re true. They spread anyway (just look at this thread wow! People who know nothing are ready to wish my child very ill).
Also, he did delete all social media long ago but the scary news is that you don’t have to be on social media for social media to share rumors about you. These kids are all networked and plugged into together. Not being on social media does not protect you.
Thank you for all the sincere posters who offered advice and well wishes. I’m not sure what he’s going to do. It’s a really really unfair situation. Thank you for lending an ear.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 21:01     Subject: Re:toxic rumor child wants to leave
Something like this happened to my son in 7th grade. DS begged to go to a different school for 8th, but DH told DS to ride it out. Despite the school making some lackluster efforts, we ended up having DS transfer out of that school. He’s so much happier. Just wished we would have moved him earlier. No good came of trying to ride it out.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 20:54     Subject: Re:toxic rumor child wants to leave
I also recommend deleting current social media. After a few months to a year, he can create new accounts, I would just use a first and middle name in place of the last name. I personally do this because I wanted a bit more privacy.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2021 20:50     Subject: toxic rumor child wants to leave
Ditto delete all social media, and transfer elsewhere if possible. I'm sorry your son is going through this, OP.

Kids are vicious. But ignoring the rumor is the best way to get past this garbage.

Spreading rumors is a form of bullying. The bullies choose their targets well -- it's always a vulnerable person. Someone stronger would just ignore the rumors, or laugh them off. Their real friends wouldn't believe them anyway, and the rumor will die.

Let your son know he's supported, and urge him to see a counselor to get help. If he likes the school, there's no reason for him to leave. Once he makes some friends, he'll be OK.