Most young couples seem to already have everything so I think cash is what they like. I just went to a wedding and am gifting $400 or $500... can't decide.

I think cash is fine OP. I was married in my late 20s and I realize your DH's friend is older and more established in life, but that is almost more reason to give cash than a gift. the bride and groom likely already have everything they need/want. One of the best wedding gifts I received was a $25 check from DH's brother and sister with the suggestion to buy a bunch of fancy cheese. WE did it, and bought a book on cheese, and its become a tradition at various times of year to have a cheese board with old favorites and new selections. It was great that they gave us a fun idea of something to use the gift $ on, but ultimately left the choice to us. Maybe you could do the same. Check for $X, and suggest they use it for a specific activity on their honeymoon, depending on where they are goin, or when they get back.

When I got married my net worth was around 10k and I owned a used car, my wife had a Camry with a loan on it. I was lucky and owned a one bedroom coop pre marriage we moved into.

I had a 100 people at wedding. I can’t imagine a rich uncle having 7-10 drinks, tons of food at my wedding, steaks, seafood, salad, dessert and cake and dancing the night away and giving my a glass bowl or blender.

The few who did, I returned and other two i could not return I stuck in my brothers attic. Sat there till I bought a house.

Why not I just go to the capital grille with you and when bill comes instead of paying hand you a toaster

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NP. Give cash! I'm from the Northeast and envelopes of cash for weddings are the norm. It's so nice to get a bunch of cash before you go on your honeymoon, or just to fill up your checking account to buy things you need for married life. I don't get why anyone would think a $400 bottle of wine is more "normal" than cash??? I know very, very few people who buy bottles like that, and the ones who do, ALSO give cash for wedding gifts! The only people I have encountered who think cash is gauche but a porcelain doo-dad is just great are from the South (my DH is from the south). My side of the family & friends gave cash. His side gave us vases and silver platters and picture frames. Guess who's gifts were more appreciated???

I'm from the northeast too. We tend to give gifts, not cash.

I still see cash as tacky and not very thoughtful. Just me, I suppose.

Yeah, it's just you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NP. Give cash! I'm from the Northeast and envelopes of cash for weddings are the norm. It's so nice to get a bunch of cash before you go on your honeymoon, or just to fill up your checking account to buy things you need for married life. I don't get why anyone would think a $400 bottle of wine is more "normal" than cash??? I know very, very few people who buy bottles like that, and the ones who do, ALSO give cash for wedding gifts! The only people I have encountered who think cash is gauche but a porcelain doo-dad is just great are from the South (my DH is from the south). My side of the family & friends gave cash. His side gave us vases and silver platters and picture frames. Guess who's gifts were more appreciated???

I'm from the northeast too. We tend to give gifts, not cash.

I still see cash as tacky and not very thoughtful. Just me, I suppose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your answers.
My DH and his friend are both attorneys, DH is high up in-house and his friend built his own practice.

Money is pointless here. Seems like both your DH and his friend have plenty of money. No one is going to notice $300 - $400, in other words, it's not a meaningful gift. Frankly, I'd feel a bit offended, not at the sum involved but the laziness.

Instead of $400 cash, give a $400 bottle of wine. Or something ephemeral and luxurious. Or see if you can get a very nice dinner fully paid for (something that'd normally cost $400 for two people, including wine pairing). Something that is a bit more thoughtful then gee, another check or envelope of cash. If someone gave me a check or cash for that amount, it'd probably sit around for months before being deposited given I rarely go to the bank in person nor use cash to pay for things.

What is “plenty of money”?
OP here. While we are ok, we don’t have “plenty of money” and I never tried $400 bottle of wine. Both my DH and his friend from lower middle class background and both are solid middle class.
He gave us $300 for our wedding 10 years ago and we were very happy about the money. We used all the cash gifts to pay for a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.
Also his parents are both dead and he is paying for a wedding. His bride is of a lower income.
I don’t know what world this forum lives in to consider attorneys some spoiled brats. We are not like that.

NP. Give cash! I'm from the Northeast and envelopes of cash for weddings are the norm. It's so nice to get a bunch of cash before you go on your honeymoon, or just to fill up your checking account to buy things you need for married life. I don't get why anyone would think a $400 bottle of wine is more "normal" than cash??? I know very, very few people who buy bottles like that, and the ones who do, ALSO give cash for wedding gifts! The only people I have encountered who think cash is gauche but a porcelain doo-dad is just great are from the South (my DH is from the south). My side of the family & friends gave cash. His side gave us vases and silver platters and picture frames. Guess who's gifts were more appreciated???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People were giving $100 back in the 90s and 2000s. $300 per couple is good.

I mean, it really depends. My extended family is pretty middle class and for our wedding 8 years ago, $100 was at the upper end of what we received from each individual family (aunt/uncle/cousins). Many gave $50, some gave us something like a set of penzy spices.

I got married in 1998 and $200 a couple was average. A cheap gift was $150 a couple. $250 was nice a couple.

Sisters and brothers and godparents $1,000 a couple and parents of couple $5,000 each


We paid wedding and thank god for the good gift givers. $150 a couple did not cover their plates in 1998.

The cover your plates thing is pretty antiquated. Do people really still base their gift amount on the amount of $$ the couple is spending on the wedding? I’ve been to weddings in a barn with BBQ and weddings at a fancy resort and still give the same amount for a gift. It’s not your guests job to Conor sate your over spending.

FWIW, the last couple weddings I attended were solo (pandemic) and I gave $150. Not this area though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People were giving $100 back in the 90s and 2000s. $300 per couple is good.

I mean, it really depends. My extended family is pretty middle class and for our wedding 8 years ago, $100 was at the upper end of what we received from each individual family (aunt/uncle/cousins). Many gave $50, some gave us something like a set of penzy spices.

I got married in 1998 and $200 a couple was average. A cheap gift was $150 a couple. $250 was nice a couple.

Sisters and brothers and godparents $1,000 a couple and parents of couple $5,000 each


We paid wedding and thank god for the good gift givers. $150 a couple did not cover their plates in 1998.

Anonymous wrote:People were giving $100 back in the 90s and 2000s. $300 per couple is good.

I mean, it really depends. My extended family is pretty middle class and for our wedding 8 years ago, $100 was at the upper end of what we received from each individual family (aunt/uncle/cousins). Many gave $50, some gave us something like a set of penzy spices.

10 years ago I got mostly $100/$150 as cash amounts. I suppose that's risen, but I think $200 is fine!

There was an episode of the office where the bride was dissappointed she was getting gifts and wanted cash. Some people want cash. You’re fine. This is really a low stakes problem. Give what you’re comfortable with and never think about it again.