So, for some constructive advice... I am placing myself in the shoes of the date. Definitely have been in her shoes. I've gone on dates that were a waste of time because I liked someone else. Maybe being honest like this is a smart way to not waste anyone's time.

And... if I were in your shoes and you really like this woman, this is what I'd do. I'd be calm, chill, and understanding. The literal worst thing you could do would have her hear or read you express these sentiments you shared here. Keep that to yourself and DCUM. Instead: act understanding. Let her know it's no problem, and thanks for letting you know. Let her know you're here for her when she's ready.

If she's being honest, she literally may need some time. Could be she wants to give her ex one more shot. Could be she feels confused and after seeing her ex for what he is again, she realizes she really does want to and can move on. If she feels like you're understanding and you guys do have feelings for each other, surely she'd let you know if or when she's ready to move on from her ex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound scary. Take yourself off the market and get some therapy

Enough already with the man-hating, he must be violent BS! OP is entitled to feel angry and hurt he was seeing this woman for a month she made it seem like things were going somewhere. She made it seem she was interested. She agreed to tonight's date and canceled just a few hours before because she's still in love with her ex. That sucks. That hurts. That feels like you have wasted your time.

This just happened today, he's mad. He's venting. It's allowed.

I agree he’s allowed to be angry at the situation. However, we have no clue if she made it seem like things were going somewhere with OP. All we know is that they’ve had one date so far and this one planned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, things change. Lives are messy. People can't predict how they will react.

The most you can ask for is honesty and to communicate when things are changing. She did.

Oh please ! I would bet my entire savings this woman was never serious about her ex. She probably issued him some sort of ultimatum and was hoping he'd come back to her and was just dating to pass time and/or to make him jealous. Her ex has given her what she wants and she has no use for OP anymore.


I've seen this exact scenario play out too many times to think otherwise. It's why I encourage people not to bother dating people who are just out of relationships or at least not think anything serious will become of it. I also encourage people to date multiple people . Have a bunch of dates lined up until someone sticks out enough to go exclusive. This is especially true if your primary form of getting dates is with apps.

……………you sound unhinged

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, things change. Lives are messy. People can't predict how they will react.

The most you can ask for is honesty and to communicate when things are changing. She did.

Oh please ! I would bet my entire savings this woman was never serious about her ex. She probably issued him some sort of ultimatum and was hoping he'd come back to her and was just dating to pass time and/or to make him jealous. Her ex has given her what she wants and she has no use for OP anymore.


I've seen this exact scenario play out too many times to think otherwise. It's why I encourage people not to bother dating people who are just out of relationships or at least not think anything serious will become of it. I also encourage people to date multiple people . Have a bunch of dates lined up until someone sticks out enough to go exclusive. This is especially true if your primary form of getting dates is with apps.

Sounds like this has made you calm and happy.

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound scary. Take yourself off the market and get some therapy

Enough already with the man-hating, he must be violent BS! OP is entitled to feel angry and hurt he was seeing this woman for a month she made it seem like things were going somewhere. She made it seem she was interested. She agreed to tonight's date and canceled just a few hours before because she's still in love with her ex. That sucks. That hurts. That feels like you have wasted your time.

This just happened today, he's mad. He's venting. It's allowed.

Anonymous wrote:OP, things change. Lives are messy. People can't predict how they will react.

The most you can ask for is honesty and to communicate when things are changing. She did.

Oh please ! I would bet my entire savings this woman was never serious about her ex. She probably issued him some sort of ultimatum and was hoping he'd come back to her and was just dating to pass time and/or to make him jealous. Her ex has given her what she wants and she has no use for OP anymore.


I've seen this exact scenario play out too many times to think otherwise. It's why I encourage people not to bother dating people who are just out of relationships or at least not think anything serious will become of it. I also encourage people to date multiple people . Have a bunch of dates lined up until someone sticks out enough to go exclusive. This is especially true if your primary form of getting dates is with apps.

OP you sound scary. Take yourself off the market and get some therapy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy you dodged a bullet! She’s still messed up and do you want that?

I think the date "dodged a bullet" to be honest.

That's because you are a misandrist.

Anonymous wrote:Be happy you dodged a bullet! She’s still messed up and do you want that?

This. The only reason posters are giving OP a hard time is because they assume he is a guy. If a woman had posted the same thing about a guy confirming a date and then canceling just a few hours before the date because he still had feelings for his ex they would be empathetic and not praising the date for being honest.

Anonymous wrote:Be happy you dodged a bullet! She’s still messed up and do you want that?

I think the date "dodged a bullet" to be honest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this the first time you were supposed to go out?

Anyway, I get why you are upset OP. It sucks to get your hopes up and then have the rug pulled out from under you.

But, you just dodged a bullet dating her would have been a nightmare.

On to the next!

How would dating her have been a nightmare? She sounds like a good person.

Because things would have always revolved around her ex. She would have been wishy wash. He doesn't see it now but he dodged a bullet

Bullet dodged

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. Ignore the folks on this thread. Honestly, she probably found something else to do that she like better and she used this excuse. There's the I have a stomach bug excuse too.

It's the world of online dating in DC. People are flakes here. If I online date, I agree to meet for morning or afternoon coffee while working. If they flake out, I just focus back on work. Weekends are not for online dating.

Lesson learned.

-1

If her message-- which on its face is both plausible and courteous-- triggers OP's anger, then she dodged a bullet. No one needs that kind of person in their life. Disappointed? Sure. A little annoyed? Okay. But anger? Good grief.

OP, things change. Lives are messy. People can't predict how they will react.

The most you can ask for is honesty and to communicate when things are changing. She did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you're mad that she cancelled, or you're mad about how she did it.

If she is allowed to cancel once she knows things will not go well, how was she supposed to do it and not make you mad?

If she's not allowed to cancel -- whoa, buddy. That's some serious messed up perspective.

The reason why I’m angry is because we had our first date over a month ago. Why didn’t she tell me this sooner?

She was supposed to tell you a month ago that a month later there would be a morning where her ex would "keeps contacting me and asked to work on things this morning and honestly it’s screwing with my head?," and she'd know in advance how that would affect her?