Funerals bring out the best and WORST in people. However, I can't imagine myself refusing to attend the funeral of my best friend just because their children asked me to leave during the final days with their mom so they could have that private family time with her. Would I be offended and hurt? Possibly, but for me, not likely. And I can't imagine myself calling my best friend's children "those ugly people" unless they truly did something vile and evil to my friend.

I know someone who is sort of like this with dying family members, friends. She has a personality disorder. She is also catholic - and I say that because I think she has a very strong sense of "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you" - meaning she is always trying to "help" people even when the help is unwanted, and she sees it as not only her right, but a duty from the highest power, and she gets very upset when that level of help is not returned to her in the same way. She very much wants to feel needed, (to her, being needed equates to being loved) and in a way, really shines at funerals and is very outgoing and social, and is always offended when she is not given the proper honor (either in the obituary, in level of involvement, or being included in those photo montage videos)

She went around criticizing the behavior of people who were not there for their dying mother, in her opinion, and then kicked her out, who was there for their mother, in her opinion, the whole time.

Nobody kicked her out. She had her time with her friend... and then in the very end it was 'family only'. Children and spouse should have the right to say the final goodbyes to their dying parent/husband/wife in privacy, without friends, relatives and neighbors throwing a hissy fit about it.

She went around criticizing the behavior of people who were not there for their dying mother, in her opinion, and then kicked her out, who was there for their mother, in her opinion, the whole time.

Nobody kicked her out. She had her time with her friend... and then in the very end it was 'family only'. Children and spouse should have the right to say the final goodbyes to their dying parent/husband/wife in privacy, without friends, relatives and neighbors throwing a hissy fit about it.

I've had both parents in hospice and die at home. Towards the end, all they wanted was no visitors, no friends, and nobody else other than our immediate, family of origin. That's all they could handle.

Prior to that, my mom's dearest friend was terminal and towards the end, she was told by the friend's daughter not to visit b/c it was very draining. At the time she didn't fully understand the wish but honored it. When she (my mom) became ill herself she felt the same way.

I don't see anything that Pam's children had done to warrant this kind of backlash. Ruth is acting out, either from grief or something vindictive. It's not a good look.

Anonymous wrote:So she went around criticizing, saying vile things about and picking apart the behaviour of the people who had just lost their mother? Not okay.

She went around criticizing the behavior of people who were not there for their dying mother, in her opinion, and then kicked her out, who was there for their mother, in her opinion, the whole time.

So she went around criticizing, saying vile things about and picking apart the behaviour of the people who had just lost their mother? Not okay.

Who kicks out a dear friend who helped their mother so much?
I supposed you are the family here, op.
Why did you and your family do this?

Anonymous wrote:Why would the family request that it be only family until Pam passed?
What a cruel and evil bunch of people.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ruth sounds normal in this situation

Agreed. OP sound like someone with low EQ

+1

Sound alike Pam's family are the ones with personality issues.

Why would you declare grieving "family only"? Especially when there is a close best friend involved? That is what sounds fishy.

Then Ruth has an extreme reaction because she was grieving and wasn't allowed to say goodbye in person. Not very hard to understand. And why would you want to see the very people who prevented you from saying goodbye to your friend at the funeral?

Sounds like grief.

Why would the family request that it be only family until Pam passed?
What a cruel and evil bunch of people.

Ruth sounds like an angel and Pam's family sounds like nasty, noncaring aresholes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like, to Ruth, Pam was more than a friend. That would explain a lot this reaction to me.

That was my thought too. That she got cut out of saying. Goodbye to her significant other.

+1

I assume a romantic relationship.

To me, Ruth had an over the top reaction, especially the skipping out on the funeral part. We don’t know Ruth, you do. Is she a take charge/controlling/judge mental kind of person? Do you think she over stepped with the family? Death can be very emotional for both sides, perhaps everyone over reacted.