Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, it has to be the first name for them.

1) It doesn't HAVE to be any name unless you accept it.

2) How bad is the name? What is it?

Name Hani, I see that now. You can lie and say you want your son to start his life in American tradition, which is selecting from the prior year list of 20 most popular names in the U.S., or tell them you had a cousin named Hani who died suddenly and now it's not good luck anymore. Or, can use Hani as 1st name, but call your son by his middle name. A lot of people in my family go by their middle name. They sign documents sometimes using first initial. So like H. George Smith, rather than Hani Smith.

There is no scenario in which I am using a first name I don’t like, this is up to you and your husband.

Secondly, going by your middle name is a headache, don’t do that to the kid either.

Anonymous wrote:Nope, it has to be the first name for them.

1) It doesn't HAVE to be any name unless you accept it.

2) How bad is the name? What is it?

What does your husband say? What specifically will happen if you go against the tradition? His family may have one tradition, but yours has another, in which the mother has a voice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation and compromised using the name but our son goes by his middle name that I got to choose.

Yep this. It’s the best way around it.

+1 really common in the US

This is the same tradition in Italian and Irish families, but most in the US don’t follow those traditions anymore.

I will say, when it comes to genealogy, it makes it way easier to trace a family when they have followed naming traditions.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t help but fwiw I love the name Hani. Could nickname Han and he’ll be Star Wars cool.

Or if your husband wants to continue the tradition give a middle name you love and call him by that?

This sounds like a good solution.

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP I’m sorry. I know it sucks. I’m Arab and this is the tradition. In the country I’m from we don’t really abide by this tradition. My husband’s country though is quite hardcore about it. Thankfully though I ended up having three girls and thankfully both of us are not from Arab countries that are hardcore about naming the eldest daughter after the paternal grandmother. To be honest OP there is no way around it without causing massive offense. If your husband was on board he could probably convince his parents but if not it will be difficult. Could you have a middle name for your son that you like and then have your son go by that name in school? (I know under Arab tradition the middle name is basically the father’s name but maybe your husband can let this one go). For what it’s worth I know a Hani that grew up in the US and no one ever associated his name with honey.

Well, if the kid is American then Arab tradition is irrelevant. If they wanted to keep Arab traditions 100% they shouldn’t have moved to the US.

I’m not Arabic but married someone from this tradition and I love the tradition. My kids do, too. However, it’s something you and your husband need to agree on. Also feel like it’s a small consolation for them, given that they had to resign themselves to him marrying someone from a different culture and faith. But for you, Forget the inlaws; concentrate on your husband; he’s the one you need to convince. Also forget the bit about wanting the inlaws to be happy. They won’t be; they’ll be hurt. But they will get over it.

By the way, I don’t think you need to worry about kids calling him honey. Kids in this area are used to lots of ethnic names. If they’re going to make fun of him, they’ll find something, regardless of name.

OP this is probably a good time to ask your husband if there are other “family traditions” that will cut you out of decisions about your children.

Is it the name itself you object to? Because it sounds totally fine. If you hate it, of course, that is legitimate; or if you don't want to follow their tradition because it's not yours, also legitimate. But if you don't hate it and you just worry about the kid being teased, I think that is unlikely. My 4 and 7 year olds have gone to school with kids who have all sorts of names. One kid in my son's class has the name of a gun manufacturer. I think it's terrible, but the kids think it's normal. Multiple kids in my older son's class have non-English names that have not been Anglicized. And it's fine. I mistook one name for a girl's name - it ended in "a" which reads female to most English speakers -- and my son corrected me, and that was it. Not a big deal at all.

I wouldn't think Hani is so bad. I went to school with a Fadi who pronounced it "Fatti" rather than "Fahdi" and I thought that wasn't great, but he said he never got teased, and this was back in the non-PC 80s/90s. If Fadi doesn't get teased, Hani won't.

Snickerbars McGee is a fine name and your in laws will get over it.

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation and compromised using the name but our son goes by his middle name that I got to choose.

Yep this. It’s the best way around it.

Hey OP I’m sorry. I know it sucks. I’m Arab and this is the tradition. In the country I’m from we don’t really abide by this tradition. My husband’s country though is quite hardcore about it. Thankfully though I ended up having three girls and thankfully both of us are not from Arab countries that are hardcore about naming the eldest daughter after the paternal grandmother. To be honest OP there is no way around it without causing massive offense. If your husband was on board he could probably convince his parents but if not it will be difficult. Could you have a middle name for your son that you like and then have your son go by that name in school? (I know under Arab tradition the middle name is basically the father’s name but maybe your husband can let this one go). For what it’s worth I know a Hani that grew up in the US and no one ever associated his name with honey.

We had a similar situation and compromised using the name but our son goes by his middle name that I got to choose.